5

Hard to believe it has been 5 years. 

Missing him more than ever. 

Happy birthday sweet boy. I love you. 

Love, auntie 

day 26: near

near

i love this picture

it is NEAR to my heart

auntie ashley & uncle mikey looking on to the sweetest little christmas present

the christmas of 2009

sweet little Everett John

but the other meaning of NEAR with this picture

is that Christmas is near (whether or not you like counting down this early - i do!)

and the other thing that is near - soon we will be gazing on a cute little baby again

like we are in this picture

but it will be OUR BABY.

6 weeks to go (or more, or less..)

but it is getting NEAR!

day 10: black & white

todays picture was an easy choice. yesterday I went to sunnyside with josh & leah and their boys to take some family pictures of them, and today I had time to go through them all and "edit" them as much as needed (not much, they are such an easy family to photograph!!)

this picture is one of my favorites, josh & roger. I love seeing my brother as a dad, he is a natural. and roger is probably the worlds happiest baby, and it is always wonderful to be around him!

here is a link to my photography blog if you want to see any others from yesterday.

also - happy birthday to my wonderful friend Jo! I hope Luke & Jameson are spoiling you with love!

day 7: natural

todays picture is "natural"
and what is natural for me? well, a few things come to mind!

I have always been a natural baker. I find it relaxing and fun to create in the kitchen (both baking and cooking, but baking it always tastier in my opinion). The mess doesn't bother me, and I love seeing all these random ingredients turn into a warm & delicious product.
another thing that is natural for me - being an auntie!! I love being an auntie to 3 sweet boys - jay, everett & roger. I love hanging out with the boys and hearing ev say things like, "oh auntie, you want to cuddle?" and i love watching rogie laugh and learning new skills.
so, what else could be the perfect picture today than these two -
spending some time with one of my favorite nephews - everett, while the two of us bake up some tasty concoction.

This is natural!

heal my heart

today marks what would have been the fourth birthday of my first nephew
jay benjamin klassen

as the time has passed the grief and pain have changed, but are still always there. it will never be right or ok that he isn't here.

I love thinking of him, and imagining what the brotherly dynamic would be between him and everett, and him and roger. I wonder if he would've kept those curls that he had when he was born as his hair grew longer. I imagine that his voice would sound like Everett's does, and that his personality would be a mix of Everett's curiosity and Rogie's easy going nature.

I miss him all the time and wish I could hold him, hug him, hear him say Auntie, hear him say anything!

I will always love my first nephew, and he will always be part of our family.

we were on worship team (for the first time) at our new church this past sunday, and we sang a song that I have always found incredibly powerful. there are some songs that when I hear them, I think of heaven, being in God's presence and surrounded by angels and other believers, singing in constant worship. the words are powerful, but even the music - the drumbeat, the bass line, the guitar riffs.. all of it seems to transport me.

in the wake of the horrific colorado tragedy on Friday, and anticipating the bittersweet milestone of meeting Jay and losing Jay on July 24th, this song was extra powerful to me. we live in such a broken and imperfect world. where people turn on people, evil reigns, babies die before they are able to live, and all the other tragedies that are too numerous to even list - God remains God. And no evil power, no death or violence has the victory. One day God will return, and all will be as it should.

I look forward to seeing my sweet nephew Jay on that day.

Hosanna - Brooke Fraser

I see the King of glory
Coming on the clouds with fire
The whole earth shakes
The whole earth shakes


I see His love and mercy
Washing over all our sin
The people sing
The people sing


Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna in the highest

^{1 Corinthians 51-55 (The Message)}
But let me tell you something wonderful, a mystery I'll probably never fully understand. We're not all going to die—but we are all going to be changed. You hear a blast to end all blasts from a trumpet, and in the time that you look up and blink your eyes—it's over. On signal from that trumpet from heaven, the dead will be up and out of their graves, beyond the reach of death, never to die again. At the same moment and in the same way, we'll all be changed. In the resurrection scheme of things, this has to happen: everything perishable taken off the shelves and replaced by the imperishable, this mortal replaced by the immortal. Then the saying will come true: 

   Death swallowed by triumphant Life!
   Who got the last word, oh, Death?
   Oh, Death, who's afraid of you now?

the ocean or outerspace

yesterday morning will officially go down as one of my favorite moments of life!

We got to hear our sweet little baby's heart beat.

It was our first time meeting our doctor (i'm not using my regular doctor, she is scaling back from obstetrics). I am thankful to have the same doctor that delivered Roger. Leah recommended her, and I am really enjoying her so far. She is friendly and makes me feel comfortable. So, since it was our first time meeting her, I wasn't sure if she was the kind of doctor that takes her patients on time, nor was I 100% sure where her office was (ok, I was 98% sure.. but that's not 100%). So thankfully Michael just went along with my silly request to leave super early (what if it's not in the building I thought it was? What if we can't find parking? what if she takes her patients early? What if I have to fill out all kinds of paper work? etc.. slightly irrational, yes i realize that.)

In the end, we were there at 9:30 for a 10am appointment. And she was running behind, so we only saw her at 10:30. Since Michael spent a lot of his younger life in hospitals and around doctors (his brother had cancer) he is not a big fan of hospitals or doctors offices. So, it was a long hour, but he managed :)

We got aquainted with her, she asked me all kinds of questions, I had a full physical exam and then the best part of the morning.. hearing the heartbeat.

She had a hard time finding it for awhile, and she reassured me that this is totally normal. I mean, it's only the size of a lime. After searching for awhile she said maybe she'd get out the ultrasound machine so at least we could see the heartbeating. And right as she "threatened" to do that, the baby cooperated and she found it. It was strong and fast. (155 beats per minute). But after 10 short seconds, the baby snuck away again. The doctor says we have a very sneaky baby (to which my Dad said he wasn't surprised, since I'm a wee bit sneaky myself). But she was able to find it again, and for longer this time. We decided that it sounded like the baby was at the ocean or in outerspace. Either way.. it was amazing! What a miracle to have a little life inside, only 2 1/2 inches long and full of life. Incredible.

The more time I spend with my nephews, Everett & Roger,  and my "honorary" nephews, Joel, Marcus & Simon I just can't wait to meet this little one. It is so fun to watch babies show their personalities. and then toddlers showing their imaginations and their voices. and then kids showing their creativity, their passions and their humor. I love it all. We have a strong feeling this baby is a girl, and I would love to have one of each gender. Either way, I can't wait!

What was it like hearing your baby's heartbeat for the first time?

relaxing in florida

it's 11:30am here in florida and we're coming to the end of a wonderful family vacation

we leave early on Friday morning (my birthday!) and already it seems too soon

i love family vacations - lots of time to be together, lots of time for reading (i just finished my book yesterday - a thousand splendid suns). This trip we also went to disney world , hollywood studios and sea world. we may go back to disney today or tomorrow and maybe animal kingdom.. we're playing it by ear.

I have spent many hours sitting by the pool, chatting with everett and watching him learn how to swim on his own (with water wings) This trip has also given us a lot of time with Roger, which is always awesome. 

Now I'm sitting here outside at our patio set, while josh reads & roger sleeps. Mom, Dad & Everett are on a nature walk, and I think Mike & Leah are doing the dishes. Life is good. Today it is feeling a little cooler though, and I just spotted a big grey cloud over the pool.. good thing we already went swimming today! I guess the cool weather is why the hot tub was invented :)

Here are just a few of the pictures so far:

this is where I'm writing from - at the table with the pool in the background

 our first day at disney. Mike & Everett each got "1st visit" buttons to wear, and they were pretty excited about all that was coming up!

 just hanging out with my sweet nephew Roger

 big blue eyes just like his brother (and his auntie!)

 this car in our backyard here has been a big hit. Everett 

goes to "store" or "work" and always makes sure to wave goodbye to everyone. normally we give him a list of things that we'd like him to buy and give him some "money"

 our house & cars

 mom & me outside the house

 mike at disney

us at the magic kingdom in front of the princess castle

more pictures to come I'm sure!! :)

january & february

it's been awhile since I've posted any pictures and they are really starting to collect on my computer! Time to share them. So here is January & February!

 me and my sweet little man. he was saying "cheese" in the picture - just like I told him too!! I love every minute I get to spend with him!

 my big brother turned 30! 'twas a fun night

yup - 30 candles. on a delicious jeanne's cake 

this was our first encounter with the sparkler on steroids - it is crazy! 

 a cake from Phoebe - to "celebrate" us selling our dream car (our Tucson) "Tucker" in January. Sad, but right. 

isn't he the sweetest?? rogie - the sweetest new addition to the klassen family 

look how big he is! ah! he is growing like crazy. 

a zoo!! Ev's favorite toy at granny's (the whole zoo, not just this sweet little penguin) 

a funny valentine from my funny valentine 

 a typical night around here. we have very snuggly cats!

poppa's birthday - waiting for him to come up to see his present! 

the big reveal of the gift! But poppa's eyes were mostly on Ev - he was born to be a poppa! 

our gift to Dad this year - the guys built him an ice fishing shack 

the men - minus Roger 

granny & poppa getting some snuggle time in 

<3 

don't you just want to smooch those cheeks?!  

waiting for poppa's sparkler to go off.. not so sure about it all.. 

voila! 

my man decided to stop shaving & cutting his hair! gotta love him :)

roses from my man 

tulips from my mom & my sweet owls from audrey 

more tulips! 

my sweet little porcelain cat 

my latest pottery creation that I painted at brush fire  

and finally - my hot pink mug! i searched for YEARS for a hot pink mug for one of my besties - shauna. This year I actually found one! Then I decided I wanted to have one too.. so I just got it in the mail. love it!!

now I'm ready for March (and spring!) 

be still.

today is one of those days when there seems to be a lot going on
or at least a lot of running from one thing to the next.
work this morning - then going to pick up some pottery that I painted with my mom & sister in law - then going to class - then dropping off the movie that we rented last night (did you know there are some bestbuy kiosks in 7-11 that still let you rent movies? we rented the newest twilight movie last night, for 1.99!) - then home for a bit - then to Josh & Leahs (this is the part I'm looking forward to most today! Getting to spend some time with my nephews!)

It's just a full day. I also have lots on my mind - it's been one of those weeks where it seems like my mind is going a mile a minute. It's interesting how it seems like my mind isn't sleeping like it should be.. seems like a million things are flying through at once..

I was just looking out the window, and big fluffy snowflakes are falling down. And things are good. Things may be full, and there is a lot going on, but I am not complaining. Things are good. I would just like to be spending the rest of the afternoon at a coffee shop with a good book or a good friend, and just spend some time being still. It's just one of those days.

stories of cabbage soup

i have two things on my mind currently. well 3 actually.

1. how much my neck hurts
2. seasonal affective disorder
3. food seniors like

quite the variety hey?

1. how much my neck hurts is the thing least on my mind of the 3. but it's there. i slept funny on Sunday night, spent Monday laying down, was a bit better on Tuesday and then kept me up all night last night. well, I slept in little pockets. I woke up multiple times to either go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. One time I also woke up because I had a cat sleeping across my throat! And one time because of a ridiculous dream. But each time it was hard to lift my head off my pillow because my muscles feel so strained. Laying down doesn't really seem to help, but I have yet to master sleeping in the standing position. anyway, moving on.

2. seasonal affective disorder:

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is episodes of depression that occur at a certain time of the year, usually during winter.

People who live in places with long winter nights are at greater risk for SAD.

Symptoms usually build up slowly in the late autumn and winter months. Symptoms are usually the same as with depression:

• Increased sleep and daytime sleepiness
• Less energy and ability to concentrate in the afternoon
• Loss of interest in work or other activities
• Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
• Social withdrawal
• Unhappiness and irritability

Now I was reading about SAD in a magazine the other day. I have been off of my antidepressants for a good few months now and I have been feeling good. There are little bouts of struggle, but along with being on anti-depressants I think I learned a few other things that help me - being around family & a few "safe" friends, exercising, spending lots of time with Michael, spending time at home and with my cats (sounds crazy, but i really do love them, and they provide great companionship), bubblebaths and doing things I like/hobbies: cooking, baking, photography, stampin' etc., Prayer, church and being honest about where I am at. I don't feel the same as I did last year when I finally went to see someone about the depression I was in. But there are definitely more glimpses of the "symptoms" of SAD than I would openly want to admit.

The one that I struggle with most is social withdrawal. feeling unlike myself doesn't make me want to see more people, it makes me want to keep to myself. But the more I keep to myself, the more I build up the worry about seeing other people. For me, it's a vicious cycle. But for me, I have a good handful of safe friends that I can be myself entirely around. And I have great family! (and 2 nephews that are the best pick-me-up ever!) It is hard though, to try and explain to people why I don't seem to ever get together with anyone. It is hardly ever personal! (99% of the time!) But then again, all of my 'safe' friends don't really question that (at least not openly to me) so I shouldn't worry about the rest. 

I find that the more honest I am that I'm still struggling helps a lot. Even good stress is stress, and sometimes it may be effects of SAD and other times it may just be stress that is part of regular life. I try to just take life one day at a time! I am feeling very much like myself though, which is very different from last winter, and I don't take that for granted.

3. food seniors like

once a month the seniors at the church I work at get together for a "friendship group lunch". I love the seniors of this church. I have gotten to know most of them better than anyone else in the church (most other age groups aren't in the church building during the week in the daytime). They always stop to chat and always have nothing but kind things to say. I also love that they call it "friendship group lunch". I look forward to being a senior! (i'm in no rush, I just hope that I like it as much as I anticipate liking it!) 

anyway, back to the point. Every month they have the same thing, with just a slight change. Every month it is soup, a bun and some type of platz. Now, I love a good bowl of soup, but so far all of the soups have been cabbage with a few other things and spices to change it up. But every month, there it is again, cabbage soup. Reminds me of Charlie & the Chocolate factory, and how Charlies family survives on Cabbage Soup. Not my favorite. Plus, all morning it smelled like lasagna, and then.. it was cabbage soup with a few kidney beans! But, they share with me every time so I'm not really complaining.

I just wonder, do you get to a certain age where you crave cabbage soup & platz? I love baking, and I never feel the desire to bake platz. Is that "sacrilegious" as a mennonite to say that?? I enjoy a piece of platz once and awhile, but every time? Maybe I should create a suggestion box so I can put a suggestion in it once and awhile. A good coffee cake to offset the cabbage soup. no? just me??

anyway, that is my mind this afternoon. Now to run some errands and go to school, while trying to keep my neck as still as possible!

a visit with my 2 favourite little men.

yesterday I stopped at the hospital after school to visit Roger, and when I got there mom & dad were there with Everett, so I got to hang out with my 2 favourite little boys at once!

When Leah got out of the bed, Everett took it over & josh was giving him "rides" on the bed (folding it up & then flat, moving it up & down), so I took a little video, I love hearing his sweet little voice! He says "again" which is one of his most commonly used words & then starts chatting & then ends talking about another favourite thing: auntie's cats.

after Mom/Dad/Ev left I was able to spend time alone with Josh, Leah & Roger & soak up some good snuggle time.

I am a very happy auntie!!

I'm an auntie again!!!!!

today was the big day!! I'm an auntie for the 3rd time and I am so thankful. I had a hard time falling asleep last night out of excitement and this morning we met my parents in st boniface hospital & we all went up to the 3rd floor to wait (as patiently as possible!!) 

our first glimpse of the little bundle was when they wheeled him by, all we saw was a cute snuggly white blanket, round & snug. josh was in scrubs** & leah was being wheeled in on the hospital bed behind. So we knew all was well, but.. more waiting! josh was good about coming out to see us & giving us details. we ended up needing to wait till the early afternoon to go up to meet him, but he was well worth the wait!!

(** funny tidbit. when josh was in scrubs a lady was talking to him for awhile, because he looked like a surgeon on his break! so, he is now officially unofficially, Dr. Phil Cottonball!)

so, I am the very proud auntie of a sweet little boy:

Roger Thomas Klassen

Born January 17th, 10:11am

7 lbs 15 oz

19 1/2 inches long

and sweet as can be!!

Here are some pictures: 

everett knew that today was a birthday, so we got him a  cupcake to eat when he came to meet roger

granny & poppa getting their first glimpse 

when we were finally able to come in & see him, Dad was up so fast & beat us all into the room!!  

so tiny & sweet! I see both Jay & Everett in him, and I love that he is a mix, but his own little person at the same time.  

uncle mikey getting a turn 

very happy & beautiful momma with Roger 

the cutest!!! he also makes the sweetest little squeaks.  

3rd time auntie! 

poppa stealing a smooch

proud parents! 

roger - my newest obsession!!