stories of cabbage soup

i have two things on my mind currently. well 3 actually.

1. how much my neck hurts
2. seasonal affective disorder
3. food seniors like

quite the variety hey?

1. how much my neck hurts is the thing least on my mind of the 3. but it's there. i slept funny on Sunday night, spent Monday laying down, was a bit better on Tuesday and then kept me up all night last night. well, I slept in little pockets. I woke up multiple times to either go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. One time I also woke up because I had a cat sleeping across my throat! And one time because of a ridiculous dream. But each time it was hard to lift my head off my pillow because my muscles feel so strained. Laying down doesn't really seem to help, but I have yet to master sleeping in the standing position. anyway, moving on.

2. seasonal affective disorder:

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is episodes of depression that occur at a certain time of the year, usually during winter.

People who live in places with long winter nights are at greater risk for SAD.

Symptoms usually build up slowly in the late autumn and winter months. Symptoms are usually the same as with depression:

• Increased sleep and daytime sleepiness
• Less energy and ability to concentrate in the afternoon
• Loss of interest in work or other activities
• Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
• Social withdrawal
• Unhappiness and irritability

Now I was reading about SAD in a magazine the other day. I have been off of my antidepressants for a good few months now and I have been feeling good. There are little bouts of struggle, but along with being on anti-depressants I think I learned a few other things that help me - being around family & a few "safe" friends, exercising, spending lots of time with Michael, spending time at home and with my cats (sounds crazy, but i really do love them, and they provide great companionship), bubblebaths and doing things I like/hobbies: cooking, baking, photography, stampin' etc., Prayer, church and being honest about where I am at. I don't feel the same as I did last year when I finally went to see someone about the depression I was in. But there are definitely more glimpses of the "symptoms" of SAD than I would openly want to admit.

The one that I struggle with most is social withdrawal. feeling unlike myself doesn't make me want to see more people, it makes me want to keep to myself. But the more I keep to myself, the more I build up the worry about seeing other people. For me, it's a vicious cycle. But for me, I have a good handful of safe friends that I can be myself entirely around. And I have great family! (and 2 nephews that are the best pick-me-up ever!) It is hard though, to try and explain to people why I don't seem to ever get together with anyone. It is hardly ever personal! (99% of the time!) But then again, all of my 'safe' friends don't really question that (at least not openly to me) so I shouldn't worry about the rest. 

I find that the more honest I am that I'm still struggling helps a lot. Even good stress is stress, and sometimes it may be effects of SAD and other times it may just be stress that is part of regular life. I try to just take life one day at a time! I am feeling very much like myself though, which is very different from last winter, and I don't take that for granted.

3. food seniors like

once a month the seniors at the church I work at get together for a "friendship group lunch". I love the seniors of this church. I have gotten to know most of them better than anyone else in the church (most other age groups aren't in the church building during the week in the daytime). They always stop to chat and always have nothing but kind things to say. I also love that they call it "friendship group lunch". I look forward to being a senior! (i'm in no rush, I just hope that I like it as much as I anticipate liking it!) 

anyway, back to the point. Every month they have the same thing, with just a slight change. Every month it is soup, a bun and some type of platz. Now, I love a good bowl of soup, but so far all of the soups have been cabbage with a few other things and spices to change it up. But every month, there it is again, cabbage soup. Reminds me of Charlie & the Chocolate factory, and how Charlies family survives on Cabbage Soup. Not my favorite. Plus, all morning it smelled like lasagna, and then.. it was cabbage soup with a few kidney beans! But, they share with me every time so I'm not really complaining.

I just wonder, do you get to a certain age where you crave cabbage soup & platz? I love baking, and I never feel the desire to bake platz. Is that "sacrilegious" as a mennonite to say that?? I enjoy a piece of platz once and awhile, but every time? Maybe I should create a suggestion box so I can put a suggestion in it once and awhile. A good coffee cake to offset the cabbage soup. no? just me??

anyway, that is my mind this afternoon. Now to run some errands and go to school, while trying to keep my neck as still as possible!

love ever after

i found the link to these photographs by Lauren Fleishman on the 22words blog
there are 10 photos in a collection called "love ever after" which includes photos of people married for 50+ years and quotes from them as well. i found myself wishing there were more than 10!

love is a gift
and it's so heart warming when it is so obviously appreciated!

"i am not thinking everyday, oh my husband is 83 years old and my goodness I am married to an old man! and I hope he feels that way too"

"another cadet with high boots had approached her but she didn't like high boots and so she said no to him. i was the second one to approach her, i had a different uniform, but i'm still not sure if it was my uniform or my face that attracted her to me!"

 "you know he was very nice looking! in august of this year we will be married 63 years. i would say love came little by little. not right away. we were young and he was older but i liked him."

"i wonder what life would be like if he wasn't here. i don't worry so much about me not being here. i tease him all the time. i say, if i'm not here you better find someone to take care of you!"

"at 2 o'clock we watch the news. i like to read books and he reads the newspaper. what is the secret to love? a secret is a secret and i don't reveal my secrets!"

ellsworth

everyday i read the obituaries on the winnipeg free press site.
i skim for names that i recognize from the carehome, or names that are similar to people i have gone to school with etc. i read the obituaries of individuals that died very young. i love to read obituaries because they are normally written with such love & appreciation for that person. it's neat to read the things that made that person unique.

i have been thinking about the seniors at the carehome a lot lately. aging is scary. it's scary to lose your sanity, or to at all lose who you are. i am very thankful that none of my grandparents went thru alzheimers, although I did get to experience that a bit through michael's mom's dad - and i know how hard that still is for my mom-in-law today. it's hard to lose the person you know, especially if they are still physically here.

there is this beautiful song, sung by rascal flatts. it's called ellsworth, and it is very similar to what i've been thinking about. it's what makes stories like the notebook so wonderful & endearing. it's amazing to know that often when the mind starts to go, the heart doesn't.

Ellsworth

Grandma burned the biscuits

Nearly took the house down with it.

Now she's in assisted livin'

We all knew that day would come.

We knew she was to gone to drive

The day she parked on I-65.

Found her on the shoulder cryin'

She didn't know where she was.

Its like her mind just quit.

Oh but bring up grandpa- its like someone flipped a switch.

A front porch light and a blue Desota,

Couple a straws and a coca cola:

You can see it all goin' down.

A handsome boy in army green

A tear on his face- down on a knee,

Shaky voice- a diamond ring should put you in that town.

Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today,

But just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas, 1948.

She takes out his medals,

A cigar box of letters.

Sits and scatters pictures,

Black and whites of days gone by.

We started losin' her when she lost him,

But to hear her carry on you'd swear she's seventeen again

Football games and leaves a'cracklin'

Walkin' her home in his letter jacket,

You can see it all goin' down.

A perfect night on a front porch glider,

Saying goodnight for the next 3 hours.

Her tired eyes glow wild and bright

When she talks about that town.

Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today,

But just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas 1948.

While the world is fading all around her

Sharin' a sundae at the counter

He's goin' on and on about her

But she's right there right now

Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today

But just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas 1948 

young at heart

apparently i feel the need to continue posting on here all afternoon.
i found this post again on the 22 words blog, and i just think it's beautiful.

Photographer Tom Hussey created these images to promote the Exelon Patch, which is supposed to help patients maintain long-term memories during the early stages of Alzheimer’s… depicting seniors seeing their younger selves in the mirror:

i find these last 3 especially moving:

understanding

today is my 2nd last day at the personal care home

for those of you who read this, but don't yet know

i have resigned my position there

i am finally realizing (and naming) where i am right now in life

deep in grief

overstressed

working through depression

running at a pace too fast for me to keep up with

tired

unhealthy

dry

so, resigning from my job there was hard. but i believe it was necessary

a step toward healing

so i only have a few more days there with them

the residents, the seniors, the friends that i love so much

last night my job was to bring all the residents (that wanted to come) to the activity room to listen to the salvation army (sidenote: 21 residents came. the salvation army did not. so.. there i was, with my volunteer. leading a sing-a-long for an hour. with a few random solos by my volunteer. i'm going to miss moments like that)

i knocked on the door of one of the shared rooms, a husband & wife and they graciously invited me in

the room was dark, and they were both laying on their beds. i sat in the nearest chair & asked them how they were

"low"

i asked her if she wanted to tell me more. and she said:

"i just realized that my parents have both passed away. they passed away and i wasn't there. why wasn't i there?" she then went on to tell me that she was on the phone with her daughter and she had asked her if her parents were living. her daughter told her that they were not. and she told her the dates that they had passed away. this dear lady just lay on her bed, hands over her face, weeping. her husband said to me "she was there. but her mind, her illness... it makes her forget"

deaths that happened years ago, many many years ago, that were as fresh as if they had just happened.

so we sat there.

in the dark, together, weeping.

for grief that was old but so fresh.

and i just whispered to her,

"i understand, i so understand"

our grief is so different. but also the same. old, but fresh.

there is something so comforting about being with another person that can whisper "i understand" - no solutions, no fix it ideas, just understanding.

i am going to miss sharing life with these dear dear people.