December 23, 2012

Immanuel

Christmas is here. Every year I feel like it sneaks up on me, like I don't always take the time to soak it up before it is over.

I love so much about Christmas. The music, the decorations, the turkey and the Christmas baking. I love the Christmas carols and the time with family. I love the familiarity of the Christmas story and the sound of my brother or one of my dads reading the words, "in those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree..." I love taking time to pick out gifts for those I love, and spending more time together than a normal day.

I always miss loved ones that are no longer here. Christmas always makes me aware of the fact that our family is not whole here on earth, especially missing my first nephew, Jay.

This year Christmas is different since we are now a family of 3. I appreciate time with family even more and I'm more aware yet again of the gifts that God has given me.

But this year, having Matilda around has helped me see Christmas in another way. I have always loved the name Immanuel for God. It has just always been one of my favourite ways to refer to Jesus. I love the verse in Isaiah (9:6) "For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called:
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." And I love to read it together with the verse in Matthew (1:23) "She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means 'God is with us'".

The verse in Isaiah talks about a son being given to us, and the verse in Matthew talks about his name meaning he is WITH us. This is where having Matilda has helped give me a new perspective.

I always knew I wanted to have kids. I feel natural around kids and I love spending time with my nephews and my friends kids. I knew the basics of what having a kid meant - getting pregnant, going through labour, feeding the baby, changing diapers, meeting needs, getting her to sleep etc. I knew having a baby would mean she would be with me, live with me, but I didn't get the depth of that until the experience was mine. Until I went thru it, I didn't know that when you are pregnant, you think of your baby 24/24 hours of the day. When you go into labour you do not care about the pain or about what it takes to get that baby out safely. Until I had a baby that needed me to fill her every need I didn't know what it felt like to be needed like that. Until the experience was mine, I didn't know how much time and effort it took, and I didn't get how much you can love someone.

Until the experience was mine, I didn't know what it really meant to have a baby with me at all times. She is all I think about, I don't do anything without thinking how she fits in to it. I don't eat breakfast when I am hungry if I think she need to eat or even just have my full attention.

Until now, it didn't fully sink in that that is what Immanuel means. God is WITH us. He wants to be with me the way Matilda is. He wants to be part of every minute of my day. He wants my attention, my thoughts, my everything. He makes himself present constantly, he may not force my attention like a newborn does, but he wants it.

So this year I will make it intentional to welcome him the way he welcomes me. Immanuel - a son given to us, God with us.

This picture is of my chalkboard in my living room, with the verse from Matthew to help remind me of this wonderful gift.

December 18, 2012

one month with our sweet girl

this past Friday marked my sweet girl's one month birthday!

One month ago we were in the hospital gazing at this 8lb 3oz bundle of sweetness that had just entered our lives. 
 we were finally our family of 3 - and we went home slightly blissfully naive about the work (and wonderful bliss) that lay ahead

 our sweet Matti had a hard start - losing weight, having jaundice, having a good latch but not enough b-milk to satisfy her hungry tummy.
 but we spent time learning and getting to know our daughter - learning that she likes to be bounced on the exercise ball, that she likes to spend time alone kicking her legs and checking out everything around her.
 we gave her a bath at home, her first one, and she HATED it - as you can see in this picture. Once her cord stump fell off we started to give her a more relaxing bathing experience - a overly full tub and very warm water - now Matilda loves to lounge in the tub and only cries when you take her out.
 Matilda has spent the month surrounded by so many people that love and care about her. photographing her, videotaping her, talking to her, kissing and cuddling her.
 she is a very alert and easygoing baby - her big blue eyes spend a lot of time checking out everything around her.
 once on formula matilda gained back all the weight she lost and then some - now she is a perfectly chubby babe.
 she is also a good sleeper and for awhile we had to wake her up for every feed - the only nice thing about waking her up from such a deep sleep was watching her move around like she is in this picture
 Matilda has the best Dad ever - and for the last month he has spent every moment he can soaking her up - he is there for diaper changes, feeding times, lots of snuggling and talking with her and he is the best swaddler.
 Matilda loves her change table and is always calm, happy and alert when she's on her table. this is where she started to smile for the first time as early as 2 1/2 weeks (and anyone who says it is gas has obviously never seen her smiling in real life, because she does it when you talk to her!) her is one of her sweet grins.
 we're not all that good at initiating tummy time - but once and awhile she spends time on her tummy and at least one of the cats is there to keep her company.
 sweet little feet
 Matilda has already had 4 baby showers in her honour and has 2 more coming up. This is the cake that was made for her at our church shower!
 being with my sweet girl is my favorite thing in the world. and i also love that she looks so much like her dad :)
 at one month she is much bigger and looking older than she was when she was born!
 she has way too many clothes - so we try to put her in as many outfits as we can - including these cute ruffle butt pants.
 and these ugg like boots that belonged to her cousin Everett.
 just spending time with her dad :)
 one month old - my sweet girl, Matilda Joy - beautiful, easygoing, sweet, lovable - just the best!
 and the best christmas present we could ever have asked for!
... till the next major milestone!!

December 6, 2012

purples & pinks

a few months ago I posted some black & white pictures of our nursery
we knew we were having a sweet girl
but we weren't telling yet!

I had friends study the pictures
trying to decide what shades the baskets were
and guessing the colors of the walls
it was a fun secret to keep!

but now, this sweet little peanut is 3 weeks old
 so I decided to post pictures of her nursery since I said I would eventually show color ones for those who cared about the black & white ones!

So here it is:
 this is on her door

 i made those tissue pompoms the day I found out I was having a girl :)
 the quilt lovingly made by Granny (my mom)
 my glider and the blanket on the back was made by Grandma (Mike's mom)
 the most used piece of furniture in her room - the change table, so. many. diapers.


November 28, 2012

how we became 3!

today my sweet girl is 2 weeks old! she is bigger and happier and healthier than she was a week ago. she has chubby cheeks and a cute double chin. she has a low voice and she snores when she's having a good sleep. she likes being swaddled, being held up on your shoulder or skin to skin on your chest. She loves being bounced on the exercise ball. She has a mind of her own. She takes a soother pretty minimally, and when she is done with it - she shoots it pretty far! She's a good eater, a big pooper, and she loves to snuggle. This is a little mini overview of my sweet daughter!

I decided to write out her birth story and to post it on here. It's pretty long and somewhat detailed, so read it if you wish! For those who don't feel like reading my mini-novel, I thought I'd also post some pictures so you can again see just how cute she is. Also, I promise to one day write about something else again, but I think it's pretty good that I'm even finding time to sit down and write and all I think about these days is her so.. why not :)

If you want to read her birth story, just scroll down to the bottom. Otherwise, here are some pictures!

 our family of 3
 this is how she hangs out with Dad in the evenings. 
 in an outfit - on her way to her first doctors appointment
 very alert after a good supper - so she spends time checking out her Dad :)
and a good snuggle and burping with mom :)

Matti's birth story:
November 14, 2012

My sweet daughter - Matilda Joy Thiessen was born today at 3:58am, weighing 8 lbs 3 oz, 20 inches long. It was quite the journey.

Last Saturday, November 10, pre-labor was really underway. I lost my mucus plug on Thursday (November 8) and had the start of “bloody show” on Saturday. Sunday morning I was up at 1am with regular contractions, so at 4 am I woke Michael up and called my parents. We got to the hospital for 5am and I was hooked up to the monitors by 5:30am. Contractions were 3 minutes apart and 1 minute long, but they were not considered “strong enough” and I was only 2cm dilated - so I was sent home. I was so disappointed and felt silly that I made everyone get up! I spent the day with my Mom, and Michael went out to clear snow. Nothing changed enough to go back. 

Monday was spent at home with my Mom and contractions were stronger but not super close together anymore.  Went to sleep and they had started to get stronger. I could barely sleep because they hurt so much. At 6am I woke up Michael and decided to just lay back down in bed for a while and then the contractions slowed down again.  Mom came over around 9:30 and the 3 of us went to my doctor’s appointment. She said I was now 4-5cm and that she figured she’d see me later that day since she was the on-call doctor and really thought I’d be giving birth. She did a very intense internal & membrane sweep which really had things hurting. 

We went to the Forks and the 3 of us got smoothies and walked laps for over an hour. My contractions were getting stronger and I kept having to stop to lean on something about every 5 minutes. We stopped and had some lunch and then walked a little more, then decided to go to the hospital. When we got there they checked me into triage and the nurse put me on the monitor and doppler. She did an internal and said that she wouldn’t say I was 4-5 but rather closer to 3-4, but since my doctor put me at 4-5, she would just say “unchanged.” She told us to walk around the hospital for an hour and then check back in. So, the 3 of us did laps of St. Boniface and went back upstairs an hour later. 

My doctor happened to be in triage so she came and checked me and also said I was unchanged (but said she would definitely say I was still 4-5). She said we should reassess in 2 hours - so I could go home or walk around St. B some more. She asked me what I would prefer and I told her that if they sent me home I’d probably just cry - and then I started to cry and couldn’t stop! My doctor is very kind and compassionate and calmed me down and told me to stay, walk, eat and get re-checked in 2 hours. 

So we went to the triage waiting room where Mike and Mom could watch TV, read etc, and I just walked laps of that room. The contractions were constantly getting stronger and closer together. They brought me some food & Auntie Ingrid came up to say hello. They took me back in at 6pm and the nurse thought I was forsure 5cm, so she would admit me. She also said I was flushed and it looked like I was dehydrated, so she put me on an IV. Mom and Michael came in and I told them I was being admitted. We were all relieved.

My contractions were getting stronger and around 6:35 we heard an audible “POP” and my water broke! It was unbelievable how much water there was, I was soaked! So we got up and they helped me clean up and I was moved to an LDRP (Labour Delivery Recovery Postpartum) room. They got me settled in to the room and I met my first nurse, Noreen. They got me an exercise ball and it felt good to sit on it through some contractions, but my water continued to gush out - which meant the baby was still higher up and moving down during contractions, forcing out more water. 

The contractions were more painful than I ever imagined they could be. It helped the most if I could lean on Michael and hug him super tight and have my Mom putting pressure on my lower back. I also would hold their hands and squeeze them so hard, I thought I might break them! Michael said he didn’t know I was so strong.

The most pain was in my low back and it turns out Matilda was “sunnyside up” so her head was grinding on my spine and pelvic bone with each contraction. When a contraction would hit, I would feel like I needed to crawl out of my skin or stretch my legs as far as possible to avoid the pain. Michael and Mom were so good at reminding me to take deep slow breaths, in through my nose and out through my mouth. 

I was so exhausted (I had been up since 4am on Tuesday) that I couldn’t really think straight and couldn’t really talk. I would just stick my hand out when a contraction started and Mom & Michael would come hold them. The nurses were noticing that Matilda’s heart rate wasn’t doing great with each contraction, and they wanted to monitor her constantly, but that meant me laying in the bed so they asked if they could put a scalp monitor on her head - I said yes of course.

They also noticed that my contractions were “coupling” - I would have 2 back to back with basically no pause and then a few minutes of relief. I was having back labour and was so exhausted. The resident came in and checked me and I still wasn’t very dilated - so she said they’d likely have to give me oxytocin - but that would give me even more intense contractions. I asked Noreeen to tell me all the medication options (I had researched them ahead of time, but it was hard to think straight!) It was too late for Morphine (which I didn’t want) but I could get Fentanyl, laughing gas, or the epidural. I had heard that not much helps with back labour, but the epidural numbs it the most. I was debating it... and after a couple more exhaustingly painful contractions, Michael asked if he could please make the call for me to get the epidural - so I said yes gladly.

The resident came in to give me the epidural. It was so hard to sit still through each contraction. After 3 tries with the epidural, she was unsuccessful and had to call the attendant. It felt like the longest wait ever! (Mom said it was about an hour until they were done the epidural.) But once it was actually in I started to feel relief. I still felt the contractions, but they were less intense, more like when I was in the triage waiting room. I could now rest a bit and I was dozing off between contractions. Michael helped me walk to the bathroom  and I was cracking jokes - so he knew I was feeling better. 

The nurses changed shifts and I now had Taras and Sam. Sam was a grad nurse, so Taras was training her - which was actually super helpful since she was explaining everything to Sam and we could listen in. Taras told me that she would always be honest with me and if there was something she was concerned about, she would say it. And that if there were concerns, she may just tell me to do something without explaining it and then explain it later once there was less concern. So I really felt comfortable with her and like I could trust her. 

The epidural wasn’t getting rid of my back labour, so Taras suggested we up the dose, which would numb me so much that I would not be able to get up and walk at all. I said that was ok, so they increased my dose. 

Dr. Dzikowski (my doctor) came in to do an internal and to see how things were progressing. She said I was about 6-7 cm - she also said that Matilda had flipped and was now face down - so things were going to move along. But then everything changed.

It’s kind of a blur to me, but they put an oxygen mask on me and I remember Taras saying to me, “move onto the stretcher!!” but I had just been given my new epidural dose, so moving wasn’t easy and I was confused and scared. They said Matilda wasn’t handling contractions (her heartrate would go down with each contraction) and that after the internal her heartrate had dropped (it was normally around 150 beats per minute and it dropped to 90) and wasn’t recovering - so I was being rushed to the operating room. 

When we got to the OR, Matilda’s heart rate was back up a bit, but still not good during contractions. The doctor watched her for a bit longer and just was not happy with how she was coping. The doctor told me a few options but everything was a blur and Michael wasn’t allowed in yet and I was just crying and saying to my doctor, “I just want her out” and the doctor was holding my hand saying, “I do too.” Sam (my nurse) was also there, and kept holding my hand and saying, “It’s Sam - I’m here for you” which was really reassuring.

The doctor did one more internal and then said, “lets try pushing” - so they bent my legs, held my feet, told me to breathe in, put my chin down and push - so I did and then Dr. Dzikowski said, “Ok - let’s just get her out!!” - so she had me sign a waiver and they had Michael change into scrubs. At this point my nurses had to leave - Taras came over to me and asked me what we were naming our daughter, so I told her “Matilda Joy” and she said “that’s beautiful. She will be here so soon.” She had to leave and I just cried and cried. 

They finally brought Michael in - he was so nervous and scared when he was waiting - not knowing what was happening. They got me all prepped for surgery and Michael sat at my head. They put up the drape - increased my epidural medication and started surgery.

A few minutes later (and a lot of pressure and what felt like them pushing and pulling me around) they pulled Matilda out. Then I heard the most beautiful sound - loud crying and screaming of my little girl! She sounded like a screeching cat! Michael got to go over and hold her and he brought her over to where I was so I could look at her. She was so beautiful! She had a little ridge on her head where she was sitting in the birth canal. She has Michael’s chin and my lips. She is so cute and perfect. She weighs 8lbs 3oz and is 20 inches long. She was born at 3:58am.

Michael got to hold her while they finished my surgery. I felt such relief. My whole body was shaking and I suddenly felt very nauseated. I ended up having to just turn my head and throw up in a little container - Michael was holding Matilda in one hand and the dish in the other - lovely! They then moved us into recovery where they let me finally hold her skin to skin and we started breastfeeding. She had a natural latch. 

Mom got to come in and see her and we told her the name - Matilda Joy, after Mom. Mom cried and said “really??”. Mom then went back to wait with Dad, Mom & Dad T, Phoebe & Donovan - they had all been there since the evening before! Once they finally moved me to a postpartum room, Dad snuck up to meet her.

Everyone followed soon after (around 8am). We had so many visitors and eventually we were going home (Friday, November 16). The first week was hard. Matilda lost 13.5% of her birthweight - so we had to supplement with formula. The public health nurse was a day late receiving my referral - so our first time at home was rough - up constantly, crying and feeding. I spent a lot of time crying. My milk supply did not come in and we had to make the decision to do what is best for Matilda, which is formula. We have had a happy and content baby ever since. Michael is such a wonderful Dad and stepped into his role right from the moment she was born - he is smitten. 

We are in love and we are so thankful for our sweet Matilda Joy!

November 22, 2012

kissable

there's no time to write these days... too busy kissing these cheeks & soaking up her cuteness!



November 17, 2012

announcing our sweet new arrival!

well - last time I wrote - I was looking more like this:
and now I'm sitting here looking at this: 
my sweet girl - Matilda Joy Thiessen is finally here!
Born Wednesday morning, November 14 at 3:58am
Weighing 8 pounds 3 ounces
20 inches long

 last night was our first night at home with Matti - and, well we survived! my sweet girl seems to be some what of a cluster feeder every now and then - so she & I are figuring out our routine and Michael is spending lots of quality snuggling time with her when she's not nursing. 
 I am so in love with this little bundle! And I am so thankful for her safe arrival - with a lot of help from Michael, my mom, my nurses and my doctor - who decided to step in and do an emergency c-section (I will write out her birth story eventually and put it on here)
 I know I will write more about her in the next little while, but right now I need to go get a few things done before she's ready to eat again!! And in the mean time I'll just stare at her sweet sleeping face!!
Matilda Joy - Welcome home - you are so loved!

November 6, 2012

a walk in the park

my wonderful friend Dionne sent me the rest of the photos that she took of us at the beginning of October! Since I'm STILL pregnant and can't post pictures of the baby yet, I figured I'd post these and share the work of my talented friend with all of you :)