extremes

yesterday i experienced two extremes of the people in this world

in the afternoon i drove out to the lake with my mom, it was good to spend most of the day with her. i dropped her off at auntie's place to visit, and i went to FBC where i met one of the most wonderful ladies, mary, who has graciously accepted the offer to sit across from me and listen to my ranting and raving (ok, she told me that i don't actually rant.. so that is good!)

it was so good to chat with her again. the last time i went to see her was when i was so overwhelmed in the winter. too busy & stressed to even think or take care of myself, she gave me new ways to look at my situation and new suggestions for tackling the stress in my life. she graciously waited for me to stop sobbing as she asked me the simple question "ashley, who are you?" that i found nearly impossible to answer.

this time around, we started our visit by me updating her on how i'm doing. it was good to be able to talk with confidence of where i'm at, and the healing that has been taking place. i'm not "healed" or magically leaps & bounds ahead.. grief and life are both journeys, that i don't think look the same for any 2 people. at the end of our visit she told me it was good to see the sparkle back in my eye and that she could tell i was more myself. she listened to me talk for an hour about things that are going on in my life, offering suggestions and perspectives. as we were wrapping up our visit she told me that i can feel free to email her at anytime, even just to get something off my chest. it is amazing to have such a safe place to be honest. i left our visit thinking that i am so glad God places such kind, compassionate and wise people in my life. that was the positive extreme of my day.

in the evening we came across a blatant example of the negative extreme of the world we live in! it was the birthday of a very special little guy in our lives, marcus. he turned 8 yesterday! we went to his brother's soccer game first, and then went to marcus' game after. when we got there it was half time, and we were told that they were losing by 1 point, but the worst part was that the other team was quite vicious. pushing, kicking, tripping, taunting. little 8 year olds! when the game started we were shocked to see the bullying going on. some of the players were even shouting rude names & comments at their own goalie when he let a goal in (even though the most vocal kids were the ones that were on defence.. and should have stopped the ball before it got to the goalie.. just saying!). at one point, one of the kids was being so violent and inappropriate that the ref kicked him out for the rest of the game. after some shouting, and lots of hand motions, he sat on the side lines bawling. the coach of marcus' team went over and talked to him and basically said that their team was willing to let him play again if he could play fair. so he came back on.  a little while later, we hear the whistle blow three times, the game is over, and the ref (a young girl, probably only 15 or 16) walks off. a glance at our watches makes us realize the game shouldn't be over & something happened. our friend runs over to her to talk, and finds her crying, totally defeated. and he finds out that the reason she called the game short was that parents from the other team had been yelling constantly mean things to her, so she just decided to call it quits and get out of there. our friend walked over to the parents on the other team to inform them of what just happened and to ask them what happened. to remind them that, even if you don't agree with the way the ref is reffing... there is no need for personal attacks on such a young girl. from there, it went from bad to worse. with parents from that team yelling, denying they were any part of the problem, asking the parents of our team if they "wanted to fight" (um, NO! quite the opposite, they wanted to make peace with the poor ref!) and then hi-fiving their kids for their big win.

as the other team paraded off, the kids were saying "what just happened?!" and wondering why that team of kids thought it was ok to play violently and with mean comments throughout the game. it saddened me to see adult bullies, praising their kids for the same behavior. it left me wondering what had gone on in their lives to bring out such anger and impatience. over an 8 year olds soccer game.

one thing that mary told me numerous times over our meeting was that i was only responsible for myself, for my own actions, my own words, my own reactions. that is what i can control, that is how i can set examples and act in love. in peace. in encouragement.

but how hard that can be when we want to prove the point of justice!

another day of grace. to those we love and to those we struggle to even think about loving.