a holy & a broken hallelujah

3 years

i wonder what you would be learning

i wonder what your voice would sound like

and how curly your hair would be

i miss you all the time

and think you would have been the best big brother

you will always be the perfect little boy that made me "auntie ash"

and the most precious kid that taught me how deep i could love

i wish i could know you

and tell you again into your ear how much i love you!

you will always be loved & missed and talked about

you changed my life forever!

sweet pea

jay benjamin

happy birthday!

after Jay was born i wrote this song. 

(well, i re-wrote words to a song)

the piano is out of tune in the recording and it's pretty raw, but it's from my heart.

here are the lyrics:

i heard there was a coming joy, the blessing of a baby boy

the joy and expectation was within me

it goes like this: week four, then fifth, the third trimester & the major gift!

and from our lips we praised with "hallelujahs"!

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

my faith was strong didn't need the proof; proclaiming Jesus on the roof

His beauty & his love, it overtook me.

He showed himself from here to there, he knew my name, he knew every hair

I praised my God and sang out "hallelujah"

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

when he was born, they tried so much...

he couldn't cry, but we held & touched

great joy & desperation flowed into us

and even though it all went wrong, we wept before our Lord of song

and from our lips we wept our hallelujahs

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

some say they join us in our pain; sometimes they smile, and say his name

my life has changed, i would not try to fool you

and even though we can't hold on

he's held by our Lord of song

he dances and plays and laughs his hallelujahs!

and even though it all went wrong

we stand and to our Lord hold on

with a holy and a broken hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah