limbo

what do you think when you hear the term "limbo"?
the game? a place or state of oblivion? roman catholic theology? a place or state of imprisonment or confinement? or an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place?
(all of those are actual definitions of the term limbo)

for me i think of the last one, a transitional state. at least right now.

there are a few areas in my life where i feel like i'm in a "limbo state".
knowing what i want to "do for a living" but having to take the slow steps to get there.
feeling out of place in one of my places of "community" but not being able to move forward - either do to my own stubbornness (not letting go of past hurts, frustrations etc) or to things that are out of my control - but also not being able to go back to the past.
having ideas of what i would like that community to look like, but also trying to take in to account that my "family" is not just me, but my husbands thoughts & feelings as well.
knowing who I'd "like to be" but overcoming my own shortfalls & learning to accept things about myself that may never change. there is such a balance between knowing who you want to be.. and loving who you ARE.
letting go of my childhood home to fully embrace this new chapter of life for my family. i am SO excited about WRATW but it means finally having to let go of anola. who knew something so physical could be such an emotional tug of war.
loving every minute i spend with everett, but still struggling with the grief of losing jay. i don't know that this one will ever balance, because it will never be "fixed".. but sometimes i have to hold my breath as the grief re-washes over and over and over, and sometimes all i can do is weep. i don't think many 25 year olds go through experiences in their first 25 years that they can only respond to by weeping. sometimes the feeling of "limbo" is just hoping & praying that we have received our full amount of grief & despair and praying that God will keep everything else at bay - but knowing that he doesn't "work like that".
limbo as many of our friends are becoming moms & dads - dreaming of when it'll be our turn, but loving the time we get to spend without kids! but also very excited for when we do have kids that can play with our friends kids! :)

limbo is sometimes exciting, and other times i think it can stop us from moving forward, or keep us dwelling in the past. such a fine line!

maybe the game "limbo" has that name because it bends you & pushes you out of your comfort zone - and you either break/fall or you come out excited by your success or you are just thankful that round is over! much like the state of limbo. debilitating or liberating or, i suppose, sometimes just a state to pass through. sort of like north dakota.. either its a total waste of time, or a successful shopping trip or just a means to an end (the end being the Ikea in Minneapolis!)
tangent.

thanks for loving & listening. and for those of you who stand in limbo with me :)