4 years later.

4 years ago today i lost one of the most important people in my life

my grandpa klassen lived a good life, a really good life!

he was honest yet kind

gentle yet strong and hard working

loyal and servant hearted

compassionate yet stood for what he believed in

funny but wise

stern but soft

my grandpa battled with a horrible cancer, and it was horrible to watch his body withering away while his mind was exactly the same. he fought to take bites of food, and i even have a video where he finally had an appetite again, and he wanted me to film it because 'grandma would never believe us if we told her!' in the video he enjoys every bite and smiles the whole way through.

when my grandpa was really sick he was moved to riverview health centre, and i had the privilege of walking over there many afternoon/evenings to talk to him and tell him all about my adventures. it was in those visits that i got to tell my grandpa all about this "boy i fancied" (aka MICHAEL!). my grandpa never formally met michael, but he had this little twinkle in his eye as he listened to me talk about him, and i'm so grateful for the influence my grandpa had in that relationship for me.

4 years ago yesterday i spent the evening with my family, surrounding grandpa and saying our goodbyes. 4 years ago yesterday i stayed in the room with only my grandma and grandpa and sang hymns and worship songs while holding his hand. 4 years ago i wept while singing, and silently thanked Jesus for this time i was able to spend uninterrupted with my grandpa. 4 years ago i told him that i would miss him, but that i loved him more than i could explain.

4 years ago today while the fireworks from canada day were exploding outside my grandpa slipped out of this world into one that was cancer free. i think it was a sign of God celebrating the entrance of my grandpa into his heavenly kingdom.

4 years later i still think about the sound of his voice, the strength of his hands and his kind heart. i still think about phoning their house and hearing him answer. i still think about the times i walked to their place and chatted at the island while he made 'german pancakes' for us to share. i still think about watching him and grandma working side by side in the back yard or in the garden. i still remember his smell, the twinkle in his eyes and the security in his hugs. 4 years later i still miss him as much as the day he left.

loss is never easy, nor do i think it can ever be explained away or brushed over. 4 years later, crying tears of missing him is just another way that affirms how much he means to me.