forever in my heart. always on my mind.

its been 2 years

my sweet little nephew, i wonder what you would be like

i imagine the smell of your skin

the sound of your voice

and your touch

you are on my mind everyday

i think of you whenever i see the wild daisies growing

i think of you whenever i look at your little brother.

he looks so much like you, but he is his own little man.

i think of you when i sing

when i drive

when i go for a walk

you have changed my life

you made me an auntie

losing you broke my heart

and it is slowly coming together

but you will forever hold a piece, and i will never be the same.

i love you so much

and so wish that i could know you.

happy birthday sweet little Jay.

i am spending Jay's birthday at the wedding of one of my dearest friends

i am able to sing in a choir that they are having, a gospel choir

a new experience for me, but i believe it is something God is using to remind me of how much he loves us, and how much he loves Jay

the words in the choir song are taken from the wedding scripture

i think that singing these words aloud on Jay's birthday is God's reminder to me that He is sovereign amidst the grief & despair

christ will deliver us

instead of ashes a crown of gladness

christ will restore us

instead of mourning the oil of joy

christ will renew us

not despair but a garment of praise

christ will rebuild us

and plant us as oaks of righteousness

i miss you so much.