for the love of laundry

i love the smell of fresh laundry.
i love seeing a line of clean laundry hanging to dry on a line in a backyard.. that is really something I should put up in my yard.

I've been in a "get it done" mind set for the last few days, where if I think of something I'd like to do I just sit down & do it! examples:

Tuesday came home & it was HOT in the house. so.. i marched on down to the basement, found the air conditioner window unit and carried it upstairs. i hoisted it onto the counter (and accidentally put a BIG scratch on the counter... oops!) only to discover that the window space was too small. so, after a lot of monkeying around (and a few outfit changes later - it was hot, and i was not wearing the right thing for scrambling around on the counter) i figured out how to get the window popped out. in went the air conditioner, and off i went to find something else to fill the space. 1 plastic tub & many grocery bags later.. VOILA. air conditioning. my kitchen has never been happier.

yesterday - i decided i was tired of having such a messy office. so, one disc of the OC and 2 1/2 solid hours of organizing & purging.. VOILA. clean & organized office.

next on my list.. flowerbeds, the guestroom, my wardrobe and maybe eventually painting some rooms. and perhaps adding a laundry line to my list. could be fun.

funny.. i was originally going to write about what the smell of laundry reminds me of, guess this post had a mind of its own.

the smell reminds me of being in guatemala, where they all do laundry outside so the smell of laundry soap wafts through the air. it reminds me of sleeping over at my grandparents (klassen), and grandma would put fresh sheets on the hide-a-bed. it reminds me of being in my backyard as a kid, helping my mom. it reminds me of the summer breeze, refreshment and relaxation. mmm who knew laundry could be so delicious?

Judge for yourself how great is the one
Who lives in God – whose God is love
Like an iron when left in embers bright
Everything if fire – everything is light
Oh Love, how beautiful You are
Oh flame of joy within my heart

Burning ember
I remember Love’s first light in me
I was cold then
Like a stone when I saw Your flickering
Oh what beauty as You drew near me
I could scarcely speak
Somehow I knew
I would be new in your glowing

Judge for yourself if a fire isn’t safe
When cities fall before her face
Yet a flower can endure the course of a storm
When bowing to the tempest’s rage
Oh Love, more fierce than all the rest
Oh raging joy within my breast

Burning ember
I remember Love’s first light in me
I was cold then
Like a stone when I saw Your flickering
Burn forever
Let me never curse the pain You bring
Somehow I know
I will be whole in Your burning

burning ember : steve bell

not sad, just nostalgic. cozying up on memory lane.

do you ever have one of those moments where you are totally content about where you are in life, and wouldn't trade it... but still find yourself wishing you could go back to another time?

i'm having one of those days.
i am so content with life, being married to michael, having two wonderful families, a good job, a cozy house, experiences that have shaped me to who i am... but finding myself wishing i could travel in time and be back on the outtatown program. maybe it has to do with the book i'm reading (the time travellers wife) - he can re-experience things over and over again. some good.. and some hard. but more so than that, i think it has to do with things that trigger my memory, and allowing myself to sit comfy and cozy within that memory.

that year wasn't without it's obstacles... i distinctly remember crying with my dad on the first day of the second semester, asking to him to not make me go. but there were so many great things about that year. so many people that i miss being able to sit with, parts of my faith relationship that were so different than they are now. funny stories, carefree evenings, staying up late singing and chatting.

i miss what it felt like to hug emily, and lauren, and jo (i still get in some hugs from adrienne & cheryl in the few times i actually get around to seeing them!!). i miss listening to bucky and andy playing on their guitars for hours, sometimes letting us fall asleep while they played. i miss sipping liquados and munching on chocobananos. i miss what it felt like to be jammed into the chicken buses. i miss singing with derek. .. so many fond memories.

i wouldn't trade what i have to go back there, but it is one of those days where i wish i could cozy up in memory lane for the entire day. today it was the weakerthans that brought me back there. music is the biggest trigger for me. if i close my eyes, i can almost imagine the rest of my memory coming to the present. the sights and the smells and the tactile feelings.

In the stick count for the song with knowing you're gone
Glancing up at where you lived when you lived here
I see you suddenly alive and nearly smiling
Stop and hold my breath and watch the way we used to be

The full moon makes our faces shine like over-ironed polyester
Then disappears behind the clouds
And leaves me under empty rows of night windows

We could walk to where these streets get pulled together
Blinking, lined with gravel, shoulder squared towards an end
Where the radio resounds from doppling traffic
Where the power lines steal lessons from the hourly news
night windows : the weakerthans

all for one and one for all

started my day out with an iced coffee.. and a fresh perspective.

the last few days i've had the same 2 songs floating around in my head.
song 1 - he loves us - sung by Jesus Culture
song 2 - take everything - seventh day slumber

song #2 just came on my computer, and it always catches me & really resonates with me. some parts of it not as much, but as a whole, i feel like the song is a bit of what my journey with "community" & "church" is right now. i'm learning that it should always start with, end with, and always be about Jesus. and only Jesus. i am learning that no matter what hurt & frustration is there because of our humanness... never changes Jesus. how thankful i am that he continually picks up the pieces of my heart. sometimes its like i can physically feel him holding it all together for me.

there are a few lyrics from 'he loves us' that have been especially significant for me. you know how sometimes you sing a song over & over and then a new piece of it is 're-revealed' to you? i love that. i was reading chads blog the other day, and read the lyrics of this song. then i went to my piano and played it. cried it. wept it. sang it. whispered it. i'm going to share those few lines & then the lyrics from song #2. it's all about Jesus.

all of a sudden, i am unaware of these afflictions - eclipsed by glory - how great his affections are for me.

he is our portion. WE are his prize. if grace is an ocean we're all sinking.

take everything: seventh day slumber:

another melody, another empty song
i tell myself that i have praised you
and try and make believe this is all you want
but once again i know i've missed it

praising you is not just the songs i sing
Jesus here I am, take everything

take the pain inside, take the brokenness
don't stop 'til there's nothing left
my arrogance, my pride, the loss of innocence
Jesus take everything

all things sweet & delicious.

the day is not yet done.. but so far it has been a sweet one.
my lunch is about over, and then i will get back into finishing up one of the many things on my to-do list
i love to-do lists.. well, actually i have a "to do folder" because it's slightly easier to organize, and my thoughtful friend audrey gave me a couple of colorful polkadot folders.. so it just looks a lot nicer on my desk :)

anyway.. this will be a short and sweet post because there are many things to get done this afternoon and i'm excited about seeing that list decrease!

the morning started earlier than normal. i knew this, because i had set my alarm for 35 minutes earlier than normal. on a typical morning i will hit my snooze about 5-6 times (not even exaggerating) and then i race to get ready and out the door on time. so last night when i was going to sleep i told myself to get up with the first alarm. so.. there i was, awake. i changed into my "work out attire" and went downstairs. the cats are so telling of my normal morning routine, that they look completely surprised and confused to see me awake. up before michael. dressed (ha!), and going downstairs to the treadmill. but there i was. and half an hour later i had 2 miles under my belt and i was getting showered and ready for the day.

next it was out the door with me, and it was raining. misting. and i was in one of my favorite plaid shirts (thanks phoebe!) and my poofy vest (i seriously love poofy vests) and i felt cozy warm (contrary to my description.. i am wearing something on my bottom half. but wouldn't that be a sight!) i do love the rain. it seems to cheer me up, unlike how it treats most people! i picked up my carpool and we swung by starbucks for a morning warm up.

work has flowed on, and its good to get stuff finished up.

then lunch. my hubby popped in for a surprise visit, and we went for a quick bite down the street. at lunch another friend popped in to get michael's signature (he's a celebrity! wait.. no it was something for the business) and when we were done eating & went to pay the waitress informed us that our friend had covered the bill. we walked out of there full, satisfied and appreciative of such a nice gesture.

the fresh rain, the good start, the bold coffee, the impromtu visits, the simple & thoughtful gesture... all things sweet & delicious.

limbo

what do you think when you hear the term "limbo"?
the game? a place or state of oblivion? roman catholic theology? a place or state of imprisonment or confinement? or an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place?
(all of those are actual definitions of the term limbo)

for me i think of the last one, a transitional state. at least right now.

there are a few areas in my life where i feel like i'm in a "limbo state".
knowing what i want to "do for a living" but having to take the slow steps to get there.
feeling out of place in one of my places of "community" but not being able to move forward - either do to my own stubbornness (not letting go of past hurts, frustrations etc) or to things that are out of my control - but also not being able to go back to the past.
having ideas of what i would like that community to look like, but also trying to take in to account that my "family" is not just me, but my husbands thoughts & feelings as well.
knowing who I'd "like to be" but overcoming my own shortfalls & learning to accept things about myself that may never change. there is such a balance between knowing who you want to be.. and loving who you ARE.
letting go of my childhood home to fully embrace this new chapter of life for my family. i am SO excited about WRATW but it means finally having to let go of anola. who knew something so physical could be such an emotional tug of war.
loving every minute i spend with everett, but still struggling with the grief of losing jay. i don't know that this one will ever balance, because it will never be "fixed".. but sometimes i have to hold my breath as the grief re-washes over and over and over, and sometimes all i can do is weep. i don't think many 25 year olds go through experiences in their first 25 years that they can only respond to by weeping. sometimes the feeling of "limbo" is just hoping & praying that we have received our full amount of grief & despair and praying that God will keep everything else at bay - but knowing that he doesn't "work like that".
limbo as many of our friends are becoming moms & dads - dreaming of when it'll be our turn, but loving the time we get to spend without kids! but also very excited for when we do have kids that can play with our friends kids! :)

limbo is sometimes exciting, and other times i think it can stop us from moving forward, or keep us dwelling in the past. such a fine line!

maybe the game "limbo" has that name because it bends you & pushes you out of your comfort zone - and you either break/fall or you come out excited by your success or you are just thankful that round is over! much like the state of limbo. debilitating or liberating or, i suppose, sometimes just a state to pass through. sort of like north dakota.. either its a total waste of time, or a successful shopping trip or just a means to an end (the end being the Ikea in Minneapolis!)
tangent.

thanks for loving & listening. and for those of you who stand in limbo with me :)