Immanuel

Christmas is here. Every year I feel like it sneaks up on me, like I don't always take the time to soak it up before it is over.

I love so much about Christmas. The music, the decorations, the turkey and the Christmas baking. I love the Christmas carols and the time with family. I love the familiarity of the Christmas story and the sound of my brother or one of my dads reading the words, "in those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree..." I love taking time to pick out gifts for those I love, and spending more time together than a normal day.

I always miss loved ones that are no longer here. Christmas always makes me aware of the fact that our family is not whole here on earth, especially missing my first nephew, Jay.

This year Christmas is different since we are now a family of 3. I appreciate time with family even more and I'm more aware yet again of the gifts that God has given me.

But this year, having Matilda around has helped me see Christmas in another way. I have always loved the name Immanuel for God. It has just always been one of my favourite ways to refer to Jesus. I love the verse in Isaiah (9:6) "For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called:
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." And I love to read it together with the verse in Matthew (1:23) "She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means 'God is with us'".

The verse in Isaiah talks about a son being given to us, and the verse in Matthew talks about his name meaning he is WITH us. This is where having Matilda has helped give me a new perspective.

I always knew I wanted to have kids. I feel natural around kids and I love spending time with my nephews and my friends kids. I knew the basics of what having a kid meant - getting pregnant, going through labour, feeding the baby, changing diapers, meeting needs, getting her to sleep etc. I knew having a baby would mean she would be with me, live with me, but I didn't get the depth of that until the experience was mine. Until I went thru it, I didn't know that when you are pregnant, you think of your baby 24/24 hours of the day. When you go into labour you do not care about the pain or about what it takes to get that baby out safely. Until I had a baby that needed me to fill her every need I didn't know what it felt like to be needed like that. Until the experience was mine, I didn't know how much time and effort it took, and I didn't get how much you can love someone.

Until the experience was mine, I didn't know what it really meant to have a baby with me at all times. She is all I think about, I don't do anything without thinking how she fits in to it. I don't eat breakfast when I am hungry if I think she need to eat or even just have my full attention.

Until now, it didn't fully sink in that that is what Immanuel means. God is WITH us. He wants to be with me the way Matilda is. He wants to be part of every minute of my day. He wants my attention, my thoughts, my everything. He makes himself present constantly, he may not force my attention like a newborn does, but he wants it.

So this year I will make it intentional to welcome him the way he welcomes me. Immanuel - a son given to us, God with us.

This picture is of my chalkboard in my living room, with the verse from Matthew to help remind me of this wonderful gift.