being me?

ever feel like you're stuck between two worlds?
sometimes i feel young, like I am just on the cusp of so many new beginnings
and other times I find myself feeling older than my 26 years

I guess I am somewhat of a mixture of the two
just sometimes i feel like i should spend a lot of time explaining myself rather than just being myself. however, that could likely just be my own insecurity.

with the new year about to start in just a couple of days i've been thinking about the idea of resolutions. some years i've made more "extreme" resolutions (one year i didn't eat fries, chocolate or drink pop for the whole year... the year was not as tasty as it could be!!) and other years i don't even give it a second thought to even contemplate making any. this year i'm thinking, maybe i should make a resolution to find ways to just be me - to enjoy it and to grow in confidence.

i'm feeling like this is making more sense in my head...

time for bed!

on a different note.. my husband is the world greatest drummer.
super talented & just loves playing. watching him makes me smile the whole time. he is great!

felix navidad from fargo

michael & i decided to come to fargo for a few days this week
i had some holidays left to take before the end of the year, so I decided to take them before & after Christmas. we had wanted to go away for our anniversary in September, but a financially hard summer left us realizing that spending money on a hotel would not be the smartest thing at the time
so, this is a late anniversary, early christmas get away

i'm writing from our room at the wingate hotel in fargo
i got us upgraded to a king sized bed (i had the BEST sleep last night. surrounded by at least 4 pillows!)
we got here yesterday around lunch, and then found out that our hotel has a "happy hour" where they put out free appetizers (yesterday we had salad, chips & salsa, trail mix  - they also had mashed potatoes & pulled pork!! - tonight we had salad, chips & salsa, pizza & wings!) as well as free beer & wine. we had enough there tonight that we won't be having supper.

we have shopped, swam, sat in the hot tub, watched mini marathons of 2 of our favourite tv shows and enjoyed restaurants that we don't have in manitoba (space aliens yesterday & qdoba today)

it has been wonderfully relaxing & so fun to just hang out the two of us. tomorrow morning we'll sleep in, enjoy a free breakfast at the hotel, do a little more shopping (have to get in a 2nd trip to target) and then head home in the later afternoon i think.

there is NO snow here, and today it was +4 - I didn't even need to wear my jacket at all, which is super nice when going in & out of stores. my christmas shopping is now 99% done! amazing how we are only 4 hours away but it feels like way further. (however i did have a dream last night that we went to hawaii with my parents, josh, leah & ev... and I'd be good with that!)

hope you are all finding times to relax this week before christmas!

happy birthday everett!

i used the left over icing from his cupcakes to make this little birthday plate message :)

Today is the 2nd birthday of my 2nd nephew

everett john

the sweetest little peanut!

i am constantly amazed at how quickly he learns

how easily he laughs

and how i love him more every time i see him

we had his party tonight & afterwards mike & I were talking about how ev is basically our favourite thing in the world. we just love him so much and love that he knows us & loves us too!

we are very blessed to be auntie ash & uncle mikey to such a special little boy.

happy 2nd birthday peanut.

we love you!!!

christmas aspirations

school is done!!
time for Christmas :)

I have already been working on the things on my "christmas aspirations list" (an idea given to me by my fabulous friend audrey) She made my list all fancy for me and it's up on my fridge. A good way to make sure that I do the things I love doing around Christmas!

i baked sugar cookies last night with my sister phoebe & my mom-in-law, i put my christmas cards to out-of-town friends in the mail today, mike put up our lights on the house last night (first time we've had lights on the house since we got married!), michael & i made a snowman at midnight a few weeks ago when it was snowing so beautifully. we made a snowman and then went for a walk as the snow was falling. i have sung stille nacht numerous times (this is the first year in a long time that i'm not singing at mcivor on christmas eve. partially because i'm not part of the choir this year and also because the service was cancelled), we have attended 2 christmas plays (eastview dinner theater and kilconas christmas play) we have officially had egg nog in the house since monday, we bought and decorated our real tree this week.. 

i made a wreath out of white  & green yarn as well as some gold twig things. it's hanging in the kitchen.  i have also gone through a few potfuls of stovetop potpurri.. smells like christmas to me. 

my afghan is a continuous project.. i almost have 175 squares done!

having family over/visiting with family is not one of my aspirations that i will cross off because i want to keep visiting the whole season long!!

we are planning to make a gingerbread house with everett on the 26th (the day our family is celebrating christmas) i think it'll be fun and messy!

the second side of my list is not as complete.. i have watched 2 of the 4 movies on my list, made my own ornaments, listened to christmas music constantly. i have volunteered - singing at a woman's brunch - and that is where my list ends. i am very much looking forward to puzzling, skating, tobogganing, and hopefully i can find some home videos to watch. 

i love the season of Christmas. time to slow down and spend time with family. michael & i are also going to have our own little christmas - we are going to fargo next week for 3 days! And - as a wonderful christmas bonus - Chad will be home this weekend!! we are very thrilled.

if anyone is having trouble getting into the christmas season you should watch one of my all time favorite christmas videos. it is so wonderful, sweet and simple that it makes me tear up every time. especially when they have a party. the season of christmas can become so busy. but the story and the gift of christmas is so wonderful, simple and amazing!

on the verge of an opera induced breakdown!

ok it's official
i'm on the verge of a school induced stress meltdown
today i feel like I could cry about anything and everything!
tomorrow is the dreaded exam and I just have not put as much work and time into it as I should
I find it very hard to pour hours & hours into something that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, BUT, I also want to do well.
right now I'm feeling overwhelmed at the fact that I will be up till the wee hours tonight studying, and then again in the morning. Michael is driving me to my exam so that I can keep studying in the car on the way there, and also so we can go on a date afterward
tomorrow evening I will be school free (until January!)
I will be attempting to appeal the music course that I'm signed up for next semester, and if that goes my way.. I will only have 1 biology course left (I have never been so excited about biology in my life. mainly due to the fact that it's not a music history course)
I don't think I'd be as stressed if my exam didn't require me being able to know:
45 songs (he plays a 30 second clip and then you have to know the name, composer, year, genre & 4 musical things about it)
129 terms & composers (you need to know 4 things about each)
and then an essay (8 potential topics, 4 will be on the exam & you have to write 1) the essay requires 25 points, however, if you don't mention something that he would have.. you won't get full marks, so it also requires some slight mind reading skills.

ah. and he hasn't given our marks back for our presentations or papers... so I really have no clue where I'm at (so far I know that I have 22.5% out of a potential 30 (from past tests)...

i'm looking forward to next week. to reading for fun. to cleaning my house. to spending time with michael that doesn't include my notes & text books. to finishing christmas shopping & prep. to blogging & catching up on friends blogs. to being at starbucks & mountain bean for fun & not for memorizing facts. to relaxing!

right now this is life at our house:

 my cat supervises my studying. i know I've successfully studied for hours when he comes & lays directly on my notes. he does not appreciate being neglected!

multiple blankets. heating pads. lap tables. and notes. everywhere.

I have 27 1/2 hours until I write the exam. so.. in less than 30 hours I will be back to normal. I suppose I can handle that...

christmas & school don't mix

it is december and the end of the school year is in sight!!
monday is my last day of classes - and on that day I have a major paper due in one class (topic still to be chosen.. been having a hard time, even though the topic is "anything relating to 19th century music" I am not a fan of such broad topics) - 3 smaller papers (1-2 pagers) in the other class, and a "quiz" (in my bible class we don't have an exam during the regular exam time. just a shorter quiz)

so the end is near, but it's getting worse before it's getting better. this weekend will be filled with research, paper writing and studying.

but it's the christmas season! and I feel like I'm being gypped of the start of it. thankfully my friend Audrey & I had our "christmas launch party" last night - which consisted of starbucks christmas drinks, peppermint middles oreo cookies, listening to stille nacht (ok that was by chance in starbucks, but still - check!), chatting, crocheting (on my part) and watching The Holiday. I also wore my "festive sweater" to make it complete.

I feel a bit like the picture up top. about to step into the christmas spirit, but then I just want to put everything else (aka school) on the shelf so I can spend time with family and friends, going to plays and dinners, singing carols, making gingerbread and celebrating Jesus's birth. But the more I avoid my school to-do list.. the more stressed I am, and that is not what I want this season to be about!

only a few more days..

in the meantime, I will get even more into the holiday spirit by listening to christmas music constantly. my favorite cd so far this year is...

 You can download it for $10 on iTunes, you should do it! It will fill your home with wonderfully enjoyable Christmas tunes. or check it out on: www.sheandhim.com
(Vocals, piano & ukele by Zooey Deschanel, Vocals, Guitar & Organs by M. Ward)

stampin up

i did it. i got over my nerves and went all alone to my first stamp club meeting
and it was awesome

we meet in a home in transcona. every one was very friendly and excited to get crafting... sometimes it's nice to be surrounded by people that are as excited about crafts as i am. i realize that to un-crafty people, talking about crafts, or spending an evening doing crafts sounds really lame. ah well.

i made a new friend as soon as i got there. Tina. she is not crafty, but has always wanted to be. so, we did everything together, step by step. we were also able to chat about jobs and interests.. we both love the elderly, and working with the disabled. we have both struggled in a job that we love, but a team of co-workers that we do not.

we spent the evening making 2 cards, and then starting our "wish lists" for the things we will buy over the next 10 months. I'm really looking forward to our next meeting!

remember

When I was in the Winnipeg Mennonite Children's Choir, Mrs. Litz taught us the song "In Flanders Fields" every year, in time for November 11th. I can still sing most of the parts now from memory. The song was haunting. And I think it was bold of Mrs. Litz to teach her sweet little mennonite boys & girls to sing it. War is very real. Both of my grandpas fought in war. One lost his leg, the other one was spared his life (a very cool story.. thankfully Grandpa Klassen wrote out his life story for us to read)
Both Grandpas would tell you (if they were still here) that War should never happen again. Both of my grandpas were for peace.


there are often shows on TV about army wives missing their husbands and then they are surprised by them showing up, home from their tour. it always makes me cry. I do not think war is right, or necessary, but I do think it is incredible that people choose to put their lives on the line for what they think is right. 


I'm wearing my poppy, thinking of my grandpa's and praying for peace. When I was in elementary school I was asked to sing a solo of a song called "let peace begin with me" and it has stuck with me ever since. it is playing in my head again this morning..


"let peace begin with me, let this be the moment now.. with every breath I take, let this be my solemn vow: to take each moment, and live each moment in peace eternally. let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me"

IN FLANDERS FIELDS POEM The World’s Most Famous WAR MEMORIAL POEM By Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae In Flanders fields the poppies blow Between the crosses, row on row, That mark our place: and in the sky The larks still bravely singing fly Scarce heard amid the guns below. We are the dead:  Short days ago, We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved and were loved:  and now we lie In Flanders fields! Take up our quarrel with the foe To you, from failing hands, we throw The torch: be yours to hold it high If ye break faith with us who die, We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders fields Composed at the battlefront on May 3, 1915 during the second battle of Ypres, Belgium

murmurations

found a link to this video on the 22 words blog
it was filmed in Ireland, and it is incredible
(although if I was canoeing when this happened and if I hadn't heard about starlings before, I would probably be quite freaked out!)

From Time Magazine…

No one knows why they do it. Yet each fall, thousands of starlings dance in the twilight above Gretna, Scotland. The birds gather in magical shape-shifting flocks called murmurations, having migrated in the millions from Russia and Scandinavia to escape winter’s bite. Scientists aren’t sure how they do it, either. Even complex algorithmic models haven’t yet explained the starlings’ acrobatics, which rely on the tiny bird’s quicksilver reaction time of under 100 milliseconds to avoid aerial collisions—and predators—in the giant flock.

going to ireland or scotland and witnessing this is now on my bucket list!

food for thought.

i have been thinking a lot lately about how we approach, read & "accept" the bible
do we take it at face value?
do we interpret it?
do we pick & choose what to believe?
do we pick & choose what is "literal" and what is "symbolic" or a "suggestion"?

I am taking a course at CMU this semester called "The Problem of Evil in a Biblical Perspective" but really it should be called, the "class of questions, debates and opinions" and that is both a good thing and a frustrating thing. I realize that it is quite hard to definite terms like "evil" because it can be quite subjective, also, some things don't seem "evil" when compared to something else that is much worse. Also, there are so many different circumstances, situations and opinions to consider. For me, what ever is not from God is evil. God created EVERYTHING. but sin.. that is not God. But then we run into the question, well, what defines SIN. it is strange how something can be so simple yet so complicated.

I think it is good to learn things, and to have debates and to experience things that challenge your faith. it helps make it stronger and helps me to really figure out exactly what I believe. But, at the same time, I really struggle when having conversations with other Christians, who take the bible to mean something totally different than I do. For example, I realized this week (in more than one situation) that people believe that Genesis is a myth. a nice story, but not truth. and not only that, but some people also think that Job is a myth and that Jonah is a myth. what? that just doesn't sit right with me.

genesis starts with "in the beginning" it doesn't start with "heres a nice story" or "once upon a time". This is God's word, and if we can pick and choose which books of the bible are "true" and which are "myths", then what makes us think that any of it is true?

my teacher explained in class that in some ways, Genesis is a "myth" (to which my jaw dropped open and I was already mentally preparing my email to the advisory board at the school..) but then he went on. In a "literary" way, yes, Genesis is a myth. Because a "myth" used to mean a story that was used to make a point, as in, the point was God created everything, but Genesis doesn't include a detailed time line (for instance, how long was adam in the garden before he actually met Eve? how long did it take him to name all the animals? how many years passed before A & E ate the apple? where did the other people come from - cain's wife - etc.) the details aren't the important part. so yes, in a literary term, Genesis can fall under the category of myth. But, now a days, myth is used for "mythology" or stories, or untrue fables. and some people are lumping that together with how they view Genesis. I just really struggle with all of that from other Christians. We are reading the same book, we are serving the same God... how do we come to such a different conclusion?

I also had a conversation with a girl named Kat this week.. and she & I began talking about Genesis (through no prompting of my own.. seems like God has just been bringing it all up in different conversations around me) and she made a point that I had never thought about before. In genesis it says that God took Adam and placed him in the garden, to work in it and care for it. But, "working" in that sense was not the same as the way we "work" now (one of the differences since the fall). Kat pointed out to me that Adam was in charge of tending to this place of meeting, this holy sanctuary so to speak. Adam was in charge of caring for it, because that is where God came and met with him. Not only met with him, but WALKED with him through the garden. God put Adam there to care for their meeting place, their hang out. how cool, that Adam has such an intimate relationship with God - they just hung out together! I love it. And, through my own experience of relationship with God.. and how real it is, it makes it even harder for me to believe that God "made up" those intimate relationships with Adam and Job.

Food for thought I suppose...

birthdays, updates and stampin'

again i will start my post by saying, it has been so long since i have written on here

i didn't even write about my hubby's birthday, or about how much i love him.. which i do, like crazy!
birthday weekend recap:
supper at old spaghetti factory with moi, where i asked the waitress what they do for birthdays and she said they'd sing, then she brought out his dessert with no fan fare.. i asked her if they were still planning on doing it... but she totally forgot. ah well. i sang to him instead.
saturday was waffle breakfast with my family,
sunday morning we had a chance to babysit ev while josh & leah went to church since his cold isn't needing to be shared with all the other kids in the nursery, and it was so awesome because the whole time ev just wanted to soak up time with 'uncle', mike played these drums for him so he could dance around (we were having a jam session, mike on drums, me on tambourine & ev on ukelele. we eventually had to end the jam sesh cuz ev got excited and did a rock & roll guitar toss...), Everett then wanted to be 'cozy' with uncle and have uncle read him book after book after book. it was such a perfect gift for michael to be able to spend so much one-on-one time with Everett. then a fun afternoon of nachos, mustaches and tv shows with josh, leah, andrew & rach
Sunday evening was supper & dessert with mike's family, and then our weekend of celebrating was over. i did however leave up the birthday streamers that I had draped all over our kitchen, so it still feels a bit like a party in our kitchen.

now the week is in full swing. i'm going to attempt to get friday off, it would be nice to have a full day at home. i miss my day off now that it is filled up with classes.

it is hard to not over commit to life, relationships & things.. especially when they are all good things. i have had to be a bit more protective over my time and that has made me feel like i come across as selfish, but i am now completely off of my medication and needing to find other ways to keep my life and emotions on a more even level. i did however, just sign up for one more thing - but, i think it is ok

i have decided to join a "stamp club" for 10 months. sounds a little nerdy maybe, not sure. also, i really think it's not totally my personality to do this completely on my own with 10 strangers. i asked a friend to join me, but she didn't accept my invite, so i'm doing this solo. it is 2 hours (7-9) one tuesday out of the month for 10 months. we get together and make cards according to the demonstration of the person leading the group (her name is kristyne, and we'll meet in her house) there is no cost, except that we each commit to spending $25 per month on product from the stampin up line. also, kristyne calls one of us the "hostess" each month so that we can get the perks of free stuff that comes with hosting on a $250+ sale of product. we also have to provide a small snack the night that we "host". i am really excited to learn some new things and also just have a relaxing 2 hours of doing crafts. i am nervous about the fact that i know none of these people (not even kristyne) but i think it also shows that i'm in a more confident space to be brave enough to just go for it. We are allowed to bring friends, and the friend just pays a $10 drop in fee to make the cards that night, so if anyone ever wants to join me, please do, i'd love it. our first meeting is november 22nd.

school is coming closer to the end of the semester. it feels like it's been going on forever. i am happy with my overall choice to finish my degree, but i am finding it a much bigger challenge than i expected. i am doing well in both classes, but i am tired and so ready to be done. I'm getting my grad pictures taken on monday! i am still loving my bible class, but there are a few people in that class that make my head hurt with all of their opinions and claims about the bible, so i'm trying to figure all of that out. for me, the most important thing is JESUS and my relationship with him. the rest of the details.. don't need to be all completely figured out in my rationalizing brain. but more on that another day.

happy halloween!

here are some of my halloween costumes of the past... my miss piggy one is the costume i remember fondly. i also remember it quite clearly, although that may be because we have a very funny home video of josh & i on that halloween. it's my favorite video because we're not doing much, but it's a glimpse into the life of the klassen's in anola. 

happy halloween, may it be a fun day with all of your kids, dressing up and getting treats! 

OK

OK - stands for 2 things in this post
Olga Klassen - my most wonderful grandma, who I miss constantly and am so thankful for.
and OK - is how I'm doing, today it has been one year without her, and it feels like it was just yesterday and also like it has been much longer.
i keep a picture of her hands in my office at work. they were so representative of who she is.
they were calloused from a lot of hard work. they were strong. they were used to make endless meals and buns "something to bite" (as grandpa always said..) for her family. they were serving. they were loving. they were constantly folded in prayer & thanksgiving.
one thing i really miss is how she used to hold my hand when i was telling her something serious or hard. there is so much i wish i could be telling her now. but, one thing i have no regret about, is that i have NO DOUBT that my grandma knew how much i loved her. and i know it was mutual.

here is the slide show my auntie made for grandma's funeral. watch it if you have a minute, and see a little glimpse into the life of my wonderful grandma

winter memories

so i realize it may be too soon for some of you to see a photo of snow.. i mean, it's only october!

but i have winter memories on the brain today. 

when i woke up and looked out the window i couldn't get over how beautiful it was outside

there was a layer of frost over everything, and there was a heavy, thick fog. not the easiest for driving, but hey, it was beautiful. and my drive to work is only 5 minutes so i could afford to go extra slow. 

i love the crispness in the air, and the way the ground was crunching under my shoes

i love that i get to wear a nice warm sweater today and drink a hot mug of tea.

and this afternoon i'm going to go to michaels for a little shopping trip.. to get stuff to make christmas cards. winter is just around the corner.

when i was walking to get my tea i had to pass through a bunch of cars idling in the drive thru, the smell of the exhaust and the near by gas station in the air made my mind fill with memories of winter, specifically the smell of the exhaust from snowmobiling with my dad. being snuggled up in my warm winter coat, snow pants, scarves, mittens.. waiting for my dad to pull up with the sled. building forts with my brother and digging tunnels in the ditches. seeing the frost build up on my dad's mustache. coming inside for a warm drink with my mom. and.. getting stuck in the middle of a stack of haybales...  winter is full of good memories and adventures. 

i'm not looking forward to the endless cold, come january... but the crisp air only brought back the good memories for now :)

music brain

i have music on the brain

and my brain is tired!

with michael away all weekend I tried to fill up all of my time studying
i have my dreaded music history (studies in 19th century music) midterm tomorrow
my prof is a musical genius. he knows everything there is to know about music history, and i genuinely think that every day that he gets to teach, his head pops off his pillow with excitement that he gets to share his love of music with another sleepy eyed class. that's probably what gives him the energy to bike to school on the coldest days (and he bikes in jeans, a dress shirt and a blazer. the best!)
sadly, my head does not pop off the pillow with the same enthusiasm
i'm probably the one "music student" that strongly dislikes the study of music
but i want to finish my degree, and 2 music history courses are standing in my way, so i've chosen to just take them, head on. but i'm just tired.

we finally convinced my prof to give us a list of terms & composers to learn for the test. his first answer was "but then you will only learn those terms. i want you to know the whole text book!" hmm not going to happen! Instead he gave us about 40 terms/composers and 19 songs to learn as well. we have a listening portion as part of the test, he plays a 30 second clip and you have to identify the title, composer, year, genre & 4 characteristics of the piece. more than one of the 19 pieces we have to know is over an hour long... it's been a long weekend!

in just over 12 hours I will be writing the exam, and I will be so glad when it is over. i want to do well, but right now i'm frazzled. i have been having to take breaks, or else my eyes just glaze over my cue cards. right now i'm typing as i listen to one of the hour long pieces.

my plan is to try and be in bed around 10:30, wake up around 6, get a big starbucks americano, drive to the school, and glaze over my cue cards right up until the minute my prof says we can start writing. i'm a crammer all the way :)

cue cards and coffee. necessities for music students.

hope everyone else's weekend has been more fun.

2 wonderful klassens.

on thursday next week it will be one year since life without grandma

i miss her so incredibly much

this year has been without her, physically

but she has left such an impact on my life

and I think on the lives of everyone in our family

we had a klassen birthday party last weekend

and we talked about grandma, and grandpa

my auntie had brought some old photo albums to give to everyone

and this was one of the pictures in my album

which made me think of both of them all that much more

we were showing the pictures to everett

pointing people out and telling him who they were

he seemed quite confused when we showed him a picture of daddy & auntie.. where we were both little kids. he said "auntie??" and "daddy??" looking at us like, really??

but the thing that stood out for me was that without any prompting

Ev kept pointing at my grandpa saying "poppa!" (what he calls my dad)

it made me smile because Ev never knew grandpa, yet he knows grandpas character

through my dad

just like my grandpa, my dad is a hard worker. with a gracious spirit

quiet strength and a LOT of patience

just like my dad, my grandpa could do anything

and always encouraged us that we can be anything

before grandpa died he asked us to do 2 things as a family

1. take care of grandma

2. stay united as a family

so much to learn from grandpa

this weekend the klassen boys are going on their annual "klassen canoe trip" although, they won't be canoeing much this weekend, since it's so cold. but they will be camping together, spending time, united, as a family. i think grandpa would be so proud

grandma has been very present in my life this year

in showing me how to live graciously

and to be a hard worker, servant hearted

and to know how to laugh easily.

i miss so much about her.

i am so thankful that they are both happy & strong in heaven

cancer free!

but I still wish they were here.

coffee break

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze? 

Jean Kerr

Too much going on school wise right now to actually write

and I feel frazzled

or like I have coffee in my hand and a sneeze on the way...

midterm this afternoon

and then a dreaded music midterm on monday. 

then, hopefully, life will return to semi-normal once again

Klassen photo shoot

a new post on my photography blog - 

3 klassens and one on the way

one of those days

I'm having one of those days
the kind of days that you'd either like to skip ahead so they are over
or go back in time to start them over again
a few things, struggles, conversations, situations, have caused me some anxiety and disappointment this week
i feel like i fell asleep last night with too many of these thoughts in my head, because i had a night full of dreams that felt very real, and were very sad, that i woke up feeling less than good
this morning i stayed in bed a bit too long, to the point where i had myself almost convinced that i could stay in there a few more hours and no one would mind. thankfully my cat walked on top of me enough that i realized i'd at least have to get out of bed to go to the washroom (they always seem to want to lay right across my bladder, guess it's softer than a hip bone or my legs/feet!) and once i was up i knew it was time to get moving.
i pulled out an autumnish outfit, and smiled to myself as i stepped out into the crisp air
but then, i had too much time to think, too many things to stew over and over analyze. and now it's the afternoon and i feel like i've wasted the morning stewing in self pity and disappointment.
i would like a break
a vacation
a nice long rest
even just from my own minds critique!
i would love to be the lady in the picture. on a beautiful beach, with crashing waves.
with a nice dress, cute shoes, and a fun umbrella to shield myself
but, I am here, and it's quite frankly just time to start some positive thinking.
to put things in the past and leave them there
and to start the rest of my day fresh.
unless someone wants to take me away to that beach? :)

thanksgiving

happy thanksgiving weekend!

for anyone wishing they had made their own thanksgiving dinner... I put up a new post on my recipe blog, outlining the whole dinner, start to finish. you can read that here.

i have had a lot on my mind lately, I often get nostalgic around holidays, and more introspective when i'm busy (which is the case right now with being in school and working) I have also been a lot more emotional (I am off my anti-depressants and have found that the tears flow a lot more frequently, and easily. but i'm ok with that right now)

This morning in church there were so many songs that brought me to tears. i think it's also because i am becoming more aware of the holy spirit and the way that he speaks to us and nudges us - i'm doing a bible study with a few girls on the fruit of the spirit and the first two weeks have had a good focus on the Holy Spirit in general, and ways that the Holy Spirit works, etc, so I have been thinking about this a lot more. Instead of a sermon this morning, the elders of the church lead a lot of sharing time, and people were able to stand up and share what they were thankful for. I have a lot to be thankful for...
my husband, 2 wonderful families, 2 nephews and another baby on the way for me to be an auntie to, a new & welcoming church family, a house that i feel warm & comfortable in, 2 cats that keep me company and make me laugh, many friends - both here and far (bc, ontario & alaska specifically), a legacy of faith within my family and especially from the examples of my grandparents, luxuries like a nice car and a bank account that is never completely empty, the freedom to vote, to worship, to have an opinion (thank goodness or I'd be in a lot of trouble most of the time! ha ha), a love for worship and a voice that I can use in that way, a plot of land that will soon have a new home beside 2 of our best friends - josh & leah, health, a lot of laughter, the chance to go back to school & graduate this year, good jobs (that we love) and the "abundance & faithfulness of christ" (as someone put it this morning in church). and so much more, i could write for days and not be done.. which reminds me of one of my favourite lines in my favourite hymn -

"could we with ink the ocean fill, and were the skies of parchment made. were every stalk on earth a quill and everyone a scribe by trade - to write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry, nor could the scroll contain the whole, though stretched from sky to sky... the love of God - how rich and pure, how measureless & strong. it shall forever more endure the saints & angels song"

my heart is filled to overflowing with thanks!

hockey nostalgia

I've always been a hockey fan

I'm not good at it, but I like to watch it

I understand the rules, I can remember a lot of the players names

as well as team names (one time last year mike & russ didn't believe me, so they tested me, and I think I did pretty good!)

hockey is nostalgic for me

i remember the many afternoons at the hazelridge rink

cheering on my brothers team

and playing with all the other "hockey sisters" in the arena

but mostly, hockey reminds me of my grandpa klassen

we often slept over at grandma & grandpas house on devon avenue on saturday nights

and grandpa had a saturday night ritual

hockey night in canada

i remember grandma would run me a bath and i would splash around in there

(you kinda had to splash.. since grandma & grandpa would only ever fill the tub with about 2-3 inches of water! good mennonites, conserving water *smile*)

once I was done and I had changed into my pjs grandpa would have me come join him to watch the hockey game. 

he would pull out his black comb that he always kept in his shirt pocket

and he would gently and patiently comb through my long blonde hair

i had long hair, and it was often full of tangles

but grandpa didn't mind

he would often have some kind of treat for us while we watched

a bag of smarties was often the treat

and grandpa believed that we needed to savour them - that it was quite silly to grab a handful of smarties and chew them up all at the same time

so we ate them, one at a time

slowly, enjoying

thats how grandpa was - always looking for ways to savour everything - enjoy it to the fullest

once the game was over (or it was time for bed) we'd go to the kitchen for our "midnight snack"

a bowl of cornflakes with a sprinkle of brown sugar and a few slices of banana

then we would get tucked in, tuckered out, and happy

i really miss my grandpa

so, hockey makes me nostalgic, and i can't help but get excited with all the hoopla over the jets.

there is something wonderful about a city that rallies behind it's team

i have even got teary reading newspaper interviews with the new jets team.

it's going to be fun to have the nhl back in our city

hot 103 put out this song - basically they re-wrote the words to lmfao's party rock anthem to be all about the jets, and i can't help smiling the whole time that I listen to it.

the official season is about to start - and with nostalgia and excitement.. i can't wait!

reign in us

this morning at kilcona we sang a song that is still fairly new to me, but i just love it
it's called "reign in us" by starfield

pastor bruce is starting a series on the abundant life, (abundant giving, abundant joy and abundant freedom are 3 parts of the series) and the contrast to that of the desires of satan on our lives to steal, kill and destroy - and satan is playing for keeps.

i've always loved the fact that Jesus came to give us a full abundant life. a life to over flowing. bruce made a light hearted comment about people who love coke.. that if you over fill your cup and it spills over, you slurp it off the counter because you don't want to miss any of it. imagine a life like that, where it is so over full of joy and freedom that you are slurping up every last bit rather than sitting idly by, somewhat satisfied with whatever is filling you up.

we sang the song i mentioned earlier, reign in us, this morning during worship, and there were a few lines that just stuck with me

with one desire we come, that you would reign in us

and

we cry out for your life to revive us
cry out for your love to define us

is that how i'm living? with that desire, for that revival and definition? i so want that. but am i daily seeking that abundant life that is offered to me?

i had the privilege of spending the day with some friends & family, everett included
my mom and i have talked many times about how watching everett makes us understand why God says "let the little children come" - ev knows how to live an abundant life. with no inhibitions he shows his excitement, his wonder, his curiosity, his freedom, and it is contagious to be around him.

we spent the day at a bizarre pumpkin patch, you'd have to see it yourself to understand it, but, as my sister said later, the redeeming factor was how much Everett enjoyed it. the way he enjoys so many things, with eyes wide open.

can you imagine how overwhelmingly wonderfully abundant the life is that God wants for me, for you? and it comes when we just simply ask him to reign. but it has to be daily.. and i'm working on it. i'm really looking forward to this series.

here are the rest of the lyrics to that song:


You thought of us before the world began to breathe
You knew our names before we came to be
You saw the very day we fall away from you
and how desperately we need to be redeemed

lord Jesus
come lead us
we're desperate for your touch

Oh great and mighty one
with one desire we come
that you would reign that you would reign in us
we're offering up our lives
a living sacrifice
that you would reign that you would reign in us

Spirit of the living God fall fresh again
come search our hearts and puify our lives
we need your perfect love we need your discipline
we're lost unless you guide us with your light

lord Jesus
come lead us
we're desperate for your touch

Oh great and mighty one
with one desire we come
that you would reign that you would reign in us
we're offering up our lives
a living sacrifice
that you would reign that you would reign in us

we cry out for your life to revive us cry out
for your love to define us cry out
for your mercy to keep us
blameless until you return

oh great and mighty one
with one desire we come
that you would reign that you would reign in us

3 klassens in a park

i spent the early evening with 3 of my favourite people - josh, leah & ev, in the park, taking family photos.
i just uploaded them all onto my computer, and now instead of going to bed, like i honestly intended to... i've been going through them, looking for some gems. this one made me smile instantly, because I think it shows the love in this family.
i will post some more once i go through them all.

the rest of the evening included uncle mikey showing up, some high quality entertainment by ev & all his musical toys, chinese food, and episodes of parks & rec.
delightful.

recipe extraordinaire!

not sure if any of you read my recipe blog BUT i wanted to alert your attention to this deliciously wonderful new recipe i stole from becky

whole wheat cinnamon buns

go ahead, read the recipe and make them.. i dare you!

colors of autumn

waking up this morning i was just amazed at the colors i could see out my window
the tree in my front yard has taken on this beautiful Ombré effect of green to yellow
one side gets more sun, and it is just neat to see how it is so different on each side
then driving to work i was just in awe of the trees that have changed to a vibrant yellow
and a few red ones thrown into the mix


i just love autumn.


when other things in life aren't so sure
or aren't going as well or "beautifully" as we'd like
i think God makes us that much more aware of the simple beauty of his creation


he never turns his back on us.

anniversary anniversary anniversary!

today is september 26th, 2011

and i have officially been married to my best friend for 3 years

time flies!

i am still so thankful for michael

and i really do believe that you fall more in love the longer you are together

he understands what i'm saying when i don't say it

he laughs at my jokes and my crazy dance moves

he is the person i want to hang out with, day in day out

he's the first person i want to call when i have news, or something bad happens, or good, or that i'm just bored and want to chat

he's a hard worker, a supporter, patient, a good listener

he's funny and handsome and just the best.

i like to make up silly songs - that is something that is just me

normally they are quite dumb and juvenile, but they entertain me

michael will still love me after a whole day of me pretending that i'm in a musical - singing everything. 

last year on our anniversary i was asking michael for yet one more goodnight hug and kiss and i made up a silly song, where the words are basically "anniversary, anniversary.. hug and kiss, hug and kiss.." it made him laugh and shake his head at me

but, i knew that i had married the right guy for me this morning (well other times too obviously!) when he was saying goodbye to me and he sang my little song. 

a year later, he knew my little song

and he humoured me! best guy ever.

happy anniversary to my bestie

i love you!

here are way too many pictures of us from the past year (and a couple from maybe longer..) i tried to only pick a few, but .. oh well!

auntie ash & uncle mike with a much younger Ev!

2 peas in a pod

at a wedding

out for supper

off to another wedding...

mike's a good sport. not every guy would get this up close and personal with his brother in law and cousin in law :)

another wedding!

out for dinner in mexico

off to the beach in mexico! 

hanging out in mexico

most handsome guy ever!

mirror pictures in mexico 

at a japanese restaurant in mexico

mexico

our little family - we joked about sending this out as a christmas card.  

road trip to BC with phoebe

on the way to bc 

at a cabin in bc

suspension bridge in bc

another wedding! 

at the farm

at our new land!!!

we were going to go to a hotel for our anniversary, but since money is tight we had a "sleepover" in the living room instead. i dragged the mattress out there and it made it feel fun and different!

we took this picture on our way out to celebrate our anniversary. :)