stress is a funny thing
yesterday it hit me like a really heavy bag of bricks sitting on my shoulders.
it just made me feel so tired.
i lost my keys and i literally just lay in my bed crying. over keys!
I couldn't believe it!!
so i was thinking about it, and i say its a funny thing because you learn to function with it, under it, among it... it just becomes part of everyday. and then one day it just hits you, and you cry over keys.
i realized on the weekend at the womens retreat that my heart is still just so incredibly sad. i knew that i was sad, i think about Jay all the time, but I don't cry every day, or even every week anymore. but I think about him all the time. i taped a little paper bluejay onto my computer screen, and thinking about him... and about the love that was for him, because of him and from him, somedays I just let myself be lost in it. but my heart... is still just so sad.
also, i've been spending a lot of time with my Grandma, and she is just so special to me. I like to just sit with her, and watch her and talk with her. She is a very important part of who I am, and its stressful to see her so sick. also, i want to spend as much time with her as I can, because I dont want to have any regrets or feelings that I didn't get enough time with her, but then I find myself coming home and eating supper late and not resting. i hope this doesn't come across as complaining. it is entirely my choice to go be with my Grandma and I wouldn't have it another way.
on top of it, there are big changes at work. surprisingly enough, they don't worry me. but change does equal stress. even good change equals stress. part of the stress comes in that we dont know what is all included in the changes, so we are just trying to get as much done as we can possibly cram into a day. I am thankful for Yvonne, she keeps me going! but change still equals stress
i just feel really tired, but that doesn't help when you feel like there are a million things to do!
i don't like feeling "busy", or not having time to be with my family. but i don't like feeling like we aren't seeing our friends or investing time in them... because that is not what friends are for! we need to be there for one another. there is just not enough time in a day!!
stress is a funny thing, in that it has kind of become my silent friend... which chooses to sit on me at random times, and make me cry over losing my keys (which were found this morning at my parents place)
i know that God very willingly takes our stress, and longs to become our friend inplace of the stress. i often know how to give it to him, and then for whatever reason i reclaim it. that choice never really makes sense to me! so now i'm in the process of giving up on this "friend"... and switching it for Jesus.
i just love it when i have people that will just be with me. i feel like i can't do a whole lot right now, but just like to be with people. especially people who know my heart is sad and still sit with me, and laugh with me... because i still do that a lot.
i was listening to a song on my ipod this morning, its a louis armstrong song called "two to tango" (i don't know if he wrote it, just that he was singing it on my ipod) i don't even know where I'm going with this, except to say that it made me smile and made me think about life being a "tango", and it really does take two. Jesus and me, or else i just flail around looking ridiculous... so true!
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