said it's ok, won't you draw near to me?

there is a song that i re-discovered the other day when i was looking through my piano books.
it's called Lord How Excellent, words and music by Jon Buller.
the first time that i sang it again at my piano i was just struck by how true this song is in my life right now.

the song talks about trusting God, about giving him control. it talks about being hurt, feeling like you can't do it, being honest with God. BUT the part that i love about this song is the chorus. the chorus to me is saying, that no matter where i'm at, how i'm feeling, God is GOD, and his name... oh his name, is so excellent. He is God over all the earth, and HE... he is excellent. and He loves me, no matter how i feel, or how frustrated i can be, or how i struggle to trust him. HE is excellent.

i've been singing this song at the beginning of every day. Lord, how excellent.

LORD HOW EXCELLENT
(Jon Buller)

All that I am, all that I want to do
I give it up to You - oh my Lord
And all that I see, oh let me close my eyes,
And look into Yours and see You
And the pain that I feel, and the hurt that's so real
It's all over me, all over me.
Won't You take it away, come some other day,
Won't You stay, won't You stay

Oh Lord, how excellent is Your name in all the earth
Your name in all the earth, how excellent

And all that I am, all that I'm going to be
We'll just wait and see - Oh my Lord
And all that I've lived, all that I've ever feared
Let me cry a tear for You
As it rolls down my face, I just can't run this race
Won't You dry my eyes, dry my eyes
Some day I will be the one who lives happily, won't I be, won't I be?

And God, He could feel my pain,
Said it's ok, won't you draw near to me?
I want you to know, if you stay or if you go, I love you.

he will know

wednesday was josh's birthday...
i like to think that God gave us birthdays so that there is at least one time a year that everyone who knows you takes time to just celebrate you. celebrate who you are, where you're at, and the fact that they know you.

wednesday was my day to celebrate my brother. thing is... he may not know... but i celebrate him all the time. i am so thankful for my brother. i am confident that God gave Josh to me as my brother for a very specific reason and purpose. i appreciate him, i learn from him, he challenges me, and he makes me laugh more than most people. he is genuine. he is passionate. he is strong. he is creative. he is my brother.

this year i think it is more important to celebrate him than ever before. this past year was... one word can not even contain what this year was. my best attempt is that this year has been incredibly hard. and so... i celebrate him. and love him. and pray for more hope, and more light and just... celebration.



i bought myself a new cd this week. devotion : steve bell. and i love it. he talks about chasing after God, and how that kind of never ends. devotion. i'm also reading a new book... crazy love : francis chan. i've only read parts of it, but so far have been reminded to just sit and be in awe of God... to remember that God is God, and I can't tell him how to do his job.

i'm sure i will write more about my new cd and my new book, but for now i just want to share this song from the cd.

he will know : byron o'donnell & brian wakelin

when your heart is in despair
he will know
when you feel beyond repair
he will know

when your day is filled with tears
he will hear
when your night is filled with fears
he is near

when this world leaves you behind
he will know
when it all seems so unkind
he will know

psalm 62:1-8

I wait quietly before God,
for my victory comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will never be shaken.

So many enemies against one man—
all of them trying to kill me.
To them I’m just a broken-down wall
or a tottering fence.
They plan to topple me from my high position.
They delight in telling lies about me.
They praise me to my face
but curse me in their hearts.
Interlude

Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge.

jbk

today, my little nephew, i miss you more than ever.

i think i would've called you sweet pea, and kissed your little cheeks all the time.

and then one day you'd be old enough to tell me you're getting to big to be called sweet pea, but i would tell you you'd always be aunties sweet pea, and i'd kiss you all the more.

today, my little sweet pea, i miss you more than ever.

promise.

promise
she wore that word publicly on her shirt
and privately on her heart
promise.
she could hold true to promise. promises of faithfulness
of rescue
of a strong fortress
of compassion
promise.

"hungry i come" she sang aloud
"for i know you satisfy" the spirit interceded for her
for she knew deep down
she knew the promise of satisfaction
amidst proclamations of abandon and loneliness
so the spirit interceded with "your arms are open wide"
when she sang "broken i run to you"

and she fell on her knees
in her heart of hearts she fell on her knees
and in the public eye her tears fell
and there was no stopping
offering her all was harder to do than it was to sing

promise.
written in blues and burgundys
with an image in the middle than most would not stop to notice.

but she clung to promise
and cried, feed me Lord.
and she waited
and she heard... she heard Him, through the voice of him
in all 83 years of his wisdom
HE spoke promise through him to her.
you can not tell Him how to show Himself to you
you must trust

he politely told her, though quite abruptly
that if she felt she was losing the awe that maybe she was too big, and was telling Him he was to small

so she clung to promise.
broken. but running with slow laboured steps.

and he showed her a glimpse of promise.
in the comfort of a friend
and a prayer of request
for more awe. for more trust in promise
and for more strength to cling on.

and He did not abandon.

in the morning lord, we look to you...

in the morning Lord we look to you
for the strength we need just to make it through
have mercy

in the evening Lord we look back and say
it was in your strength that we made our way
have mercy

you are everything we need
feed us Lord

everything we need: by steve bell

this is a song from Steve Bell's new CD devotion

it has been in my head most of the day, and has been something encouraging. Jesus is everything we need. my heart feels sad today, but encouraged. which is much appreciated.

i feel like i've finally allowed myself to be more vocal about how i'm feeling and what i'm thinking, and it has been good to have those words fall on listening and caring ears. i have been very blessed with a wonderful mom and dad, and now again with another wonderful mom and dad. and it feels so good to be cared for that much more. i also have two wonderful brothers, very different, but both very loving and amazing guys. and my sisters... oh where would i be without my sisters. today i have the privilege of spending time with both of them, and i feel encouraged.

Jesus, you are everything we need, but thank you for all the extras.
please continue to have mercy, and feed us Lord.

o Master let me walk with Thee

i thought a lot about my grandpas this morning
i was playing my piano, and came across the song that my grandpa klassen asked me to have sung at his funeral
i can remember that morning very clearly. my grandma and i spoke on the phone, and she told me that grandpa would like me to come over. seeing as we lived next door to one another i came over right away. grandpa was sitting in the gazebo that my dad and uncles made for him a few years before. he was sitting in a reclining chair, and wasn't drinking anything, even though it was quite warm out.

i went in and greeted him, with a hug and a kiss on the cheek (which was not a normal thing a few years before that, not that grandpa wasn't affectionate, it was just different). i brought my camera that day and took a picture of my grandpa and myself, one that i have cherished many times since that day. grandpa had a hymnal on his lap and he said to me "ashley, i want you to help me choose the songs for my funeral, and i would like you to sing a song as well" i said "grandpa, lets not talk about that, we don't need to" and he said "this is going to happen, so i would like you to help me prepare it"

so for the next hour, grandpa and i talked, and looked through the hymnal and talked more and talked more about how to represent what God was to grandpa

my grandpa was a very genuine and pleasant man. he was kind and hard working. and he was faithful to God, and knew God to be faithful to him. this morning i sang through a song that Grandpa chose. the song after that (in my binder) was a song that reminds me of my poppa (grandpa thomas). i'm not sure if it's because he liked it a lot, or because when i sing it, i can hear his voice singing it out. it was a special morning for me today.

here are 2 verses from the song my grandpa klassen chose (o master, let me walk with thee), and a verse from the song that reminds me of my poppa (the old rugged cross)

teach me Thy patience! still with Thee in closer, dearer company.
In work that keeps faith sweet and strong,
in trust that triumphs over wrong.

in hope that send a shining ray far down the future's broadening way.
in peace that only Thou canst give,
with Thee, O Master, let me live.

---

to the old rugged cross I will ever be true,
its shame and reproach gladly bear;
then He'll call me some day to my home far away
where His glory forever I'll share

as i am

Father i want you to hold me
i want to rest in Your arms today
Father i want you to show me
how much You care for me
in every way

i bring all my cares
and i lay them at Your feet
You are always there
and You love me as i am
yes You love me as i am

Father i know you will hold me
i know i am your child your own
Father i know You will show me
i feel Your arms holding me
i'm not alone

i bring all my fears
and i lay them at Your feet
You are always here
and You love me as i am
yes You love me as i am

words and music by Brian Doerksen

this is a song that has been familiar to me for a very long time
one of those songs that i can remember hearing on a tape... some of my first favorite songs i heard first on a tape! ... total sidenote.

anyway, this song became like a personal friend to me a few years ago... when my grandpa klassen was getting sicker i spent a lot of time singing and playing my piano (i spend a large portion of my walk with God in song, both privately and publically) there were times that i would start to sing and i would just stop and weep. sometimes i could keep playing, while i just cried and cried

when my grandpa passed away i spent a lot of time with this song

and this morning i returned to my old friend

it is the beginning of 2009, and the beginning of this year is very different than last year

i'm starting by asking of God. i want rest, and i want God to SHOW me how much he cares.
but the second verse is equally as important
telling God this... God i KNOW you will. i KNOW.

and thats how i wish to start this year. in trust. with hopes. with love. KNOWING that God will continue to be God, and he will... He will.