some how over the years i've realized that it never feels quite like christmas time... and that maybe really christmas isn't about a feeling, or fulfilling a list of duties so that it feels like christmas. that maybe christmas is about being with the people that are important to you, and taking time to celebrate the best day on earth... when God sent his Son Jesus to us.
i had the privilege of being at Donwood Manor this past week with our church choir. we performed our candlelight service for them, because they wouldn't be able to come to our church at 11pm on the 24th.
during one of the songs i took time to look around at the audience. i was thinking to myself (as i listened to one of the readings) that christmas is really hard this year. that it is totally different because it is not what we were preparing for. i was so excited about having my baby nephew at christmas time, and was already dreaming of how i would spoil him. sometimes my heart aches knowing that i will never get to show Jay the love that i have for him. so i was sitting there thinking about how hard it was for me, and that for most people in the choir, and most people that i know, christmas was going to be normal. happy, normal and delightful. that it will be easy for people to go on celebrating with their families, without having even a passing thought about me and my family... and i know that that was normally the case for me at christmas, so i can't judge.
so i looked around the audience and then i realized, that most of the people in the audience (residents and their families that were there) are not having the Christmases that they expected or prepared for either. and i felt a new type of compassion and care for the people we were singing to.
its hard to feel forgotten. to feel abandoned and like God is just taking his time coming to your aide.
today in church we sang a song that is one of my prayers, especially during this Christmas time. it acknowledges that God is LOVE. God is LIGHT. God is GRACE. even if we feel God is silent, he is still all those things. so this is the song/prayer
Lord, let your love, love with no end fall on us
Lord, let your love, love with no end fall on us.
that we may be saved
that we may have life
to find our way, in the darkest night...
let your love fall on us.
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we know that God is love. God is grace. God is light.
i want to feel it fall. fall on us. cover us. drench us
let your love fall on us, that we may have life.
4 comments:
O God, let it fall on all of us - Ashley and Mike, Josh and Leah, Alvin and I. We know God that you are there... oh Lord, we just want to feel you, hear you, and see your power. Fall on us... please fall.
Hey Ashley,
I found your blog via Facebook. You are such a beautiful writer and I have loved reading your posts.
I will definitely be praying for you and your family this Christmas. May the grace and love of Jesus fall on you and your family in a very real way.
oh - my blog is private, but if you email me I can invite you. I don't think I have your email address anymore
Ashley, I was struck by your comments about looking forward to having Jay with your family this Christmas and how it hurt not to have him there. And then by your comments of how people at Donwood were also likely experiencing a different Christmas than expected. You are a very compassionate and caring person. May God continue to use this to touch your own family and others around you. I love and appreciate you, girl!
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