said it's ok, won't you draw near to me?

there is a song that i re-discovered the other day when i was looking through my piano books.
it's called Lord How Excellent, words and music by Jon Buller.
the first time that i sang it again at my piano i was just struck by how true this song is in my life right now.

the song talks about trusting God, about giving him control. it talks about being hurt, feeling like you can't do it, being honest with God. BUT the part that i love about this song is the chorus. the chorus to me is saying, that no matter where i'm at, how i'm feeling, God is GOD, and his name... oh his name, is so excellent. He is God over all the earth, and HE... he is excellent. and He loves me, no matter how i feel, or how frustrated i can be, or how i struggle to trust him. HE is excellent.

i've been singing this song at the beginning of every day. Lord, how excellent.

LORD HOW EXCELLENT
(Jon Buller)

All that I am, all that I want to do
I give it up to You - oh my Lord
And all that I see, oh let me close my eyes,
And look into Yours and see You
And the pain that I feel, and the hurt that's so real
It's all over me, all over me.
Won't You take it away, come some other day,
Won't You stay, won't You stay

Oh Lord, how excellent is Your name in all the earth
Your name in all the earth, how excellent

And all that I am, all that I'm going to be
We'll just wait and see - Oh my Lord
And all that I've lived, all that I've ever feared
Let me cry a tear for You
As it rolls down my face, I just can't run this race
Won't You dry my eyes, dry my eyes
Some day I will be the one who lives happily, won't I be, won't I be?

And God, He could feel my pain,
Said it's ok, won't you draw near to me?
I want you to know, if you stay or if you go, I love you.

he will know

wednesday was josh's birthday...
i like to think that God gave us birthdays so that there is at least one time a year that everyone who knows you takes time to just celebrate you. celebrate who you are, where you're at, and the fact that they know you.

wednesday was my day to celebrate my brother. thing is... he may not know... but i celebrate him all the time. i am so thankful for my brother. i am confident that God gave Josh to me as my brother for a very specific reason and purpose. i appreciate him, i learn from him, he challenges me, and he makes me laugh more than most people. he is genuine. he is passionate. he is strong. he is creative. he is my brother.

this year i think it is more important to celebrate him than ever before. this past year was... one word can not even contain what this year was. my best attempt is that this year has been incredibly hard. and so... i celebrate him. and love him. and pray for more hope, and more light and just... celebration.



i bought myself a new cd this week. devotion : steve bell. and i love it. he talks about chasing after God, and how that kind of never ends. devotion. i'm also reading a new book... crazy love : francis chan. i've only read parts of it, but so far have been reminded to just sit and be in awe of God... to remember that God is God, and I can't tell him how to do his job.

i'm sure i will write more about my new cd and my new book, but for now i just want to share this song from the cd.

he will know : byron o'donnell & brian wakelin

when your heart is in despair
he will know
when you feel beyond repair
he will know

when your day is filled with tears
he will hear
when your night is filled with fears
he is near

when this world leaves you behind
he will know
when it all seems so unkind
he will know

psalm 62:1-8

I wait quietly before God,
for my victory comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will never be shaken.

So many enemies against one man—
all of them trying to kill me.
To them I’m just a broken-down wall
or a tottering fence.
They plan to topple me from my high position.
They delight in telling lies about me.
They praise me to my face
but curse me in their hearts.
Interlude

Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times.
Pour out your heart to him,
for God is our refuge.

jbk

today, my little nephew, i miss you more than ever.

i think i would've called you sweet pea, and kissed your little cheeks all the time.

and then one day you'd be old enough to tell me you're getting to big to be called sweet pea, but i would tell you you'd always be aunties sweet pea, and i'd kiss you all the more.

today, my little sweet pea, i miss you more than ever.

promise.

promise
she wore that word publicly on her shirt
and privately on her heart
promise.
she could hold true to promise. promises of faithfulness
of rescue
of a strong fortress
of compassion
promise.

"hungry i come" she sang aloud
"for i know you satisfy" the spirit interceded for her
for she knew deep down
she knew the promise of satisfaction
amidst proclamations of abandon and loneliness
so the spirit interceded with "your arms are open wide"
when she sang "broken i run to you"

and she fell on her knees
in her heart of hearts she fell on her knees
and in the public eye her tears fell
and there was no stopping
offering her all was harder to do than it was to sing

promise.
written in blues and burgundys
with an image in the middle than most would not stop to notice.

but she clung to promise
and cried, feed me Lord.
and she waited
and she heard... she heard Him, through the voice of him
in all 83 years of his wisdom
HE spoke promise through him to her.
you can not tell Him how to show Himself to you
you must trust

he politely told her, though quite abruptly
that if she felt she was losing the awe that maybe she was too big, and was telling Him he was to small

so she clung to promise.
broken. but running with slow laboured steps.

and he showed her a glimpse of promise.
in the comfort of a friend
and a prayer of request
for more awe. for more trust in promise
and for more strength to cling on.

and He did not abandon.