hold on to me as a we go...

I'm not sure how many other people still watch American Idol, but I do even though after Taylor Hicks won I swore I would NEVER watch again...
This past season was probably my favorite of all the seasons. The judges are more positive and give more constructive criticism as opposed to just being grumpy (aka simon cowell). It was also my favorite season because I was so happy with who won.. a guy named Phillip Phillips (maybe I'll name our baby Thiesse Thiessen, since the double name seemed to work for Phillip). He was my favorite because it was so obvious that he was there because he loved making music, he loved performing because it meant he got lost in the music - he wasn't there to be "adored" or praised for what he did (although that's a nice bonus I'm sure). He was there to just be who he was, and express himself through this creative outlet of music. And he had one of the most attractive qualities a person can have (in my opinion) - a humble spirit. When they announced that he won, he had to sing his new single - Home - and it was emotional to watch (and apparently something I get emotional talking about.. pregnant much?) because he was just so humbled at the support for who he truly is, that he couldn't even make it through singing the whole song and he ended up walking off the stage to cry with his family.
By far my favorite TV moment of 2012.

Anyway, this song has become one of my favorites and it came on this morning when I was watching the weather channel as I was getting ready for the day, and has been playing in my mind since then. I'm  in the process of making a mix CD of songs that make me think about our little baby, and this journey of preparing to be parents and just these months of anticipation and fun. I intend to listen to it in the car during the last few weeks before my due date, and if I decide to listen to music when I'm in labour (I'm undecided as to whether I'll find music enjoyable or annoying when I'm in pain.. time will tell) then it will be part of that mixture of songs. I decided this morning that this song, Home, is going on that mix - partially because I just love it and how it sounds, but also because of a lot of the words.

Recently I have been starting to have some thoughts (I was going to say doubts, or fears, or concerns.. but those all sound like such downers) about what it will really be like to take on the role of being a mom, and being parents, Michael & I together. No one gives you permission to become a parent, no one can really tell you what to do, or fully prepare you for this huge (and amazing) new role. I'm gathering that it is a lot of trial and error. I have been having a lot of dreams lately, and the other day the main thing in my dream was that my baby was born but I kept living life as if it wasn't. I would get up and leave for the day, and I went days without feeding or changing my baby. I woke up in a bit of a panic!

I've always known I want to be a mom, and that I think Michael will be an awesome Dad. We have wonderful examples, especially in our parents and Josh & Leah. We are so excited for this all to really start - but it is also completely new territory. So many unknowns which is both the exciting and terrifying thing about it!

I am very aware that Satan likes to take our doubts and our personal weaknesses and blow them out of proportion. He likes to make me wonder if I can even do this at all! But, I am confident in who I am, in who God made me to be, in Michael, in our support of family & friends. And well, I love this baby so much, and if I'm terrible at everything else, at least it will know it is completely and utterly loved!

So, back to the song, Home - I feel like the words play into all of this journey for me - "hold onto me as we go, as we roll down this unfamiliar road... don't pay no mind to the demons that fill you with fear... just know you're not alone, I'm going to make this place your home."

I am so looking forward to this new stage of life being home.

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

does this make anyone else cry? no? just me? oh well :)