a friend in all kinds of weather

I seem to be a fair-weather friend to writing.

I write when I need to, when I want to, and I don't write if I am busy or preoccupied or tired.

As far as blogging is concerned, that's really ok. I don't have to write on here, I do so because it's a creative outlet for me, and since I like reading the blogs of friends of mine, I figure why not write on here as I feel like it.

However, I feel like I am not writing enough in general. I used to want to be an author just because I loved putting words together and loved how it felt & sounded to type. I love the click-clack of a typewriter and even a keyboard. (one "downside" of macs - in my opinion - is the virtually silent keyboard. Didn't they know of my love for the click-clackiness of it, and consider that before catering to most peoples preferences?! ha) I would never pursue being a writer for the same reasons I would never pursue being a photographer (and I also think partially why I decided to not pursue the job in music that I went to school for). Just because you love something doesn't mean it's the right fit for a job. (Which, I should clarify doesn't mean you shouldn't love your job. I am a secretary and love it!)

With photography and writing and music I do it because I love it.
Having a career in it, for me, would demand things to happen a certain way, on a certain schedule, with certain amounts (or in HUGE amounts.. in my mind) of pressure. And my creative side does not thrive under those conditions. My creativity, much like the rest of my personality is stubborn to the core.

So I photograph for fun, but would never do a wedding, or something that can't be "redone". Not because I don't think I could do it, but because it takes some of the fun out and replaces it with pressure to be a certain way.

With music, I decided not to pursue music therapy (for many reasons) and to just sing, play piano and play the guitar for the love of it, and for fun, and in worship.

And with writing.. I love to write as it comes to mind. To open up the page in my journal, to take out a sheet of looseleaf, to open to the composing page on my blog and just start writing.. see where it takes me. Sometimes I have a topic or point in mind, but other times, the times I feel most like I'm writing just as myself, it just comes on its own.

But writing for me also helps me with my prayer life, and in that way, I would like to become less of a fair weather friend, and more of a companion. I do also pray without writing it down, but there is also something unique about prayer thru writing.

One of my favourite things to do occasionally when I write out my prayers is to just start writing without formulating my thoughts first. Sometimes I am surprised (not sure if that's totally the right word) to re-read it when I'm done writing and see the conversation that was going on between God & I. Sometimes my writing is not in first person, and it's like God doing the writing.

It seems the busier I get, the less time I make for things like that. And shouldn't it be the opposite? Shouldn't that be the first thing I go to, and put other, non-important things to the side? I'm a work in progress.. so I'm learning.

so here's to writing, to conversations and to creativity. It is good to just let myself be me.

what a day!

today I am pining.
pining for the lake, the cabin, relaxation, time with family, reading for hours, boating, digging my feet into the sand, hearing the leaves rustling in the wind, bike riding, smiley face cookies, movie watching, washing dishes by hand, dad's homemade hashbrowns, endless cups of coffee, etc.

i took this picture 2 years ago at the lake

I think it's a combination of the beautifully warm day we're having today (high of +27!), the fact that may long weekend is just around the corner (which is normally the first weekend we consider going down to the cabin) and the sound of the trees & leaves rustling in the wind that is coming through my window.

We have a window in our bathroom, and this morning when I was in the shower I opened the window and took a deep breath and thought to myself, it smells like being at the lake. The air was so fresh and crisp. And everything is so green and full of life. What a wonderful day.

so I'm pining.
Being at the lake is among my top 5 favorite things in life.
With my job, I have the luxury of having every weekend be a long weekend (I don't work Mondays) and I intend to spend as much time as possible at the lake.

What's your favorite summer thing that you're pining for?

a favorite hobby

I will never forget the first conversation I had with a girl I became friends with on the School of Discipleship program. We were doing one of those get to know you things, and when her and I first started talking we asked the regular questions, name, where you're from etc. and then she asked me what my favorite hobby was. Hmm.. I have a few, singing, music of any kind, photography, reading, being with friends etc. I asked her and she said "well, I have one main hobby. My favorite thing to do in the world is.. exercise."

get out! That does not even rank in my top 50 favorite "hobbies". Nor would I ever classify it as a hobby. Things I do enjoy that could fall into the exercising category (although I don't love doing them till I'm extremely sweaty, which to me is the mark of an awesome work out):

- going for a walk with my hubby, my sisters, my family, or a good friend
- going for a bike ride, especially at the lake
- swimming (although I am a terrible swimmer)
- walking on the treadmill only if I'm watching TV or a movie or something, that way I don't feel too bad about watching tv for so long

I should also admit that I like wearing my exercising clothes or runners around the house because it makes me feel "sportier" than I actually am. for me, the best part about exercising, is looking the part and feeling awesome that I actually made myself go thru with it after.  But that friend of mine.. she genuinely loves exercising. And not to be skinny, or to change how she looks, which I would say is the motivation for a lot of people. But she loves exercising because she just physically enjoys exerting herself like that. She's kinda like a toddler (bear with me, this isn't an insult!) who loves to just run around.. FOR FUN.

I was thinking about her yesterday when I was drinking some water after I had finally convinced myself to do the prenatal pilates video of Leah's that I'm trying out. I did a few of the segments (the video is broken up into a few 10 minute workouts) and had ended working on my buns and thighs (the phrase buns & thighs for some reason makes me have the mental image of richard simmons on the "sweatin to the oldies" vhs that my mom had years ago..). It always feels good to have accomplished something. To feel your muscles ache after working them out, especially muscles you didn't know you had. I stood there thinking how nice it would be to actually consider exercising among my favorite hobbies.

Oh well, at least if it's not my hobby, I get the extra satisfaction of pushing myself to do it, and accomplishing that goal. And who knows, maybe you all won't be able to recognize me in a few months because you'll be thinking "who's that pregnant lady with those amazing buns!"

ya, that'll be me. so for now I'm just giving you a heads up :)

the ocean or outerspace

yesterday morning will officially go down as one of my favorite moments of life!

We got to hear our sweet little baby's heart beat.

It was our first time meeting our doctor (i'm not using my regular doctor, she is scaling back from obstetrics). I am thankful to have the same doctor that delivered Roger. Leah recommended her, and I am really enjoying her so far. She is friendly and makes me feel comfortable. So, since it was our first time meeting her, I wasn't sure if she was the kind of doctor that takes her patients on time, nor was I 100% sure where her office was (ok, I was 98% sure.. but that's not 100%). So thankfully Michael just went along with my silly request to leave super early (what if it's not in the building I thought it was? What if we can't find parking? what if she takes her patients early? What if I have to fill out all kinds of paper work? etc.. slightly irrational, yes i realize that.)

In the end, we were there at 9:30 for a 10am appointment. And she was running behind, so we only saw her at 10:30. Since Michael spent a lot of his younger life in hospitals and around doctors (his brother had cancer) he is not a big fan of hospitals or doctors offices. So, it was a long hour, but he managed :)

We got aquainted with her, she asked me all kinds of questions, I had a full physical exam and then the best part of the morning.. hearing the heartbeat.

She had a hard time finding it for awhile, and she reassured me that this is totally normal. I mean, it's only the size of a lime. After searching for awhile she said maybe she'd get out the ultrasound machine so at least we could see the heartbeating. And right as she "threatened" to do that, the baby cooperated and she found it. It was strong and fast. (155 beats per minute). But after 10 short seconds, the baby snuck away again. The doctor says we have a very sneaky baby (to which my Dad said he wasn't surprised, since I'm a wee bit sneaky myself). But she was able to find it again, and for longer this time. We decided that it sounded like the baby was at the ocean or in outerspace. Either way.. it was amazing! What a miracle to have a little life inside, only 2 1/2 inches long and full of life. Incredible.

The more time I spend with my nephews, Everett & Roger,  and my "honorary" nephews, Joel, Marcus & Simon I just can't wait to meet this little one. It is so fun to watch babies show their personalities. and then toddlers showing their imaginations and their voices. and then kids showing their creativity, their passions and their humor. I love it all. We have a strong feeling this baby is a girl, and I would love to have one of each gender. Either way, I can't wait!

What was it like hearing your baby's heartbeat for the first time?