I've got you covered..

when did the week fly by? I can't believe that tomorrow is Friday, and the last working day of January! i feel like the week flew by mostly because i wasn't working on Monday - the snow was so bad and blustery that I didn't dare get onto the roads. also the snow was piled so high behind my house that when i opened the back door snow poured into my house!

anyway, now it is thursday, and well, i'm not complaining :)

monday night was another bible study session. i had actually done all my "homework" so I felt prepared for the next DVD session. the study is based on and around the tabernacle, and we have been studying what happened from the time of genesis, when God first created man.. all the way to when God instructed the people to build a tabernacle so that he could dwell with them.

in genesis adam and eve lived in the most beautiful garden
filled with the smells of fresh grass, delicious fruits
i imagine rows of grapes, and pomegranates, fresh streams of sparkling clear.. delicious water
the smell after a spring rain where everything smells new and fresh.. i can just imagine them walking around trying to take it all in
the coolest part.. God walked around in the garden with them. he dwelled among them, walking and talking with them.
they were not God, nor were they on the same level as God.. but they were privileged and blessed to dwell with him.
adams job was to guard the garden.. something/someone as crafty as the "snake" should never have been allowed so close to such goodness. but the snake found eve.. and deceived her and adam both, and that was the start of shame & of sin.
suddenly adam and eve were ashamed, they were exposed. suddenly the fact that God walked among them wasn't viewed as a gift, but was viewed with shame and fear.

God still walked among them, but they hid. shame. fear. hiding. Satan started this awful cycle, that still continues very much in the world today, and in my own life. Everything that comes from God is GOOD. but shame, defeat, anxiety, fear.. these are "gifts" from the snake. The devil fills our minds with these things, and tell us TAKE COVER!, hide, don't let God see you how you truly are..

but in the garden, God continued to walk.. and he knew they were hiding in shame. he had created them, and had not covered them with clothes, because they had no reason for shame. God went and killed an animal, to use the skins to clothe adam and eve. the first sacrifice.. not because they needed to be covered, but because God has "got them covered", he continues to supply for their "needs"

how many times in my life do i feel the devils words TAKE COVER! and allow myself to dwell in shame and fear, when at the same time God is walking among us saying I've got you covered

since monday i've had this song in my head:
all of my life, i've been in hiding.. wishing there was someone just like you
now that you're here, now that i've found You
I know that you're the one to pull me through

deliver me.

heaven received another angel this week. a beautiful one, the mother of one of my dear dear friends. my heart has felt so heavy, as we prayed before, we pray again.. Jesus, come and pull them through. with no right answers, and such huge loss i just ask the spirit to pray through groans and tears. Jesus overwhelm the Koops with your love.

strew some scripture all over the place

strew–verb (used with object), strewed, strewn

1.	to let fall in separate pieces or particles over a surface; scatter or sprinkle: to strew seed in a garden bed.

2.	to cover or overspread (a surface, place, etc.) with something scattered or sprinkled: to strew a floor with sawdust.

3.	to be scattered or sprinkled over (a surface): Sawdust strewed the floor.

last night was the first monday night women's bible study at mcivor (for this current study. not the first one EVER at mcivor). they have had studies before, but I've never really felt like it was for me or like it was something high on my priority list.

this time i didn't really think much of it when i heard it was happening, but just one day realized that i had decided i would go! i asked phoebe if she would join me, and so last night.. there we were, side by side, getting ready to dive in.

i like beth moore, i like that she is funny and entertaining. but more than that.. i appreciate that she knows her stuff. she is continually cross referencing scripture, and backing up what she is saying. without being over my head.

the thing i really appreciated the most was her focus on God's pursuit of us. that God calls out to us "where are you?", not because he doesn't know where we are. but because he wants us to tell him where we are at, so that he can meet us there. he is continually pursuing us, no matter where we are. i appreciated this especially because i felt like maybe i shouldn't be there, because i haven't been very faithful in my relationship with Jesus especially lately. I struggled so much with faith after our family lost Jay, and my faith walk, disciplines etc never really recovered to their previous state. My faith in Jesus remains the same.. but my relationship with him at times feels labored. I joked with Phoebe last night that part of me felt like I should've prayed for a solid week straight, in order to be ready enough to do this study.
how refreshing that God doesn't work that way. he calls out to me and says "where are you?" even though he knows.. he wants me to tell him, and pursue him.. because he has not stopped pursuing me.

beth moore also shared a story about a woman that she had worked with that was driving home to see her family. a car drove into her lane and hit her.. killing her instantly. a friend of beth's called her to tell her about the accident scene. she said that this woman had had a stack of cards with scriptures on them in her car. when the accident happened these scriptures were strewn all over the road. when the police were cleaning up the accident site they had to go around and pick up those scriptures one by one.

what a privilege we have to be able to do that in our lives.. to strew scripture and Christ's love all over, all over the streets.. all over everyone we know, or don't know.

i feel like i started this study because God is and continues to pursue me, and it's time to start pursuing back again.

Lets get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance

it has been so long since i wrote on here
mostly because the "free" wireless we were using is no longer unsecured.. so our internet time has been cut down. and the other reason is probably just that there is so much going on (it seems) that i haven't had a second to just sit down and write.

i miss writing. sometimes i feel like i have so many thoughts in my head that i get dizzy and wonder why... mostly it's because i haven't had a chance to ramble on to michael, or in my journal, or on my blog. and my head just gets too full!

the last month has been good. full of family, and friends and Ev! I can't get enough of that little sweetie. even if i can't hold him because he needs time to sleep without being held, i am still just so happy to be in the same room as him and hear all his little noises. i just love him. sometimes michael and i will just be sitting in the car or on the couch not saying anything, and one of us will say "i just love everett so much!" and we laugh because we've both just been sitting there thinking about him. it is so wonderful to have a growing family and the love doesn't get less for anyone, but it just manages to increase for everyone. wonderful. bliss.this month has also been full of trying to figure things out with our church family. without going into detail, we have been hurt and confused by a lot of leadership decisions in the past year and especially recently. i tried to speak my piece, but ended up feeling frustrated and like i wasn't heard fully but rather came across as complaining and not being willing to see the big picture. that is just really discouraging, and some sundays we have just chosen to stay home, or to go and be with family. it's hard to feel that way about church, mostly because for the first 23 years of my life church was just so normal, and something you went to on Sunday, with a very rare occasion that we wouldn't go. This last week we had agreed to pick up matt, so we went to church, and I was glad we did. it was nice to see a new team leading worship, and i hope they felt encouraged by responses!

it has just made my mind hurt a little, and has made my heart really sad. especially seeing more hurt in people that michael and i really love and care about.

there are also more changes happening at work now... which only adds to the fullness of my mind!

i've certainly experienced many more emotions that i was unfamiliar with in 2009. i am hoping that 2010 will be a little more leveled out! heavier on the joy end of the emotion spectrum!

now let me just gush about everett for a few lines, and then i'll put up some pictures. and then i'll get back to my to-do list.

Everett.. what a handsome little man. i love that he looks so much like josh. i love how after he eats he spends time gazing at leah. i love being in their home and seeing a baby sleeping close by. i love that his cry is kind of husky, and that he squirms around as soon as he is cold. i love his little chin dimple, and that he gets it from my dad. i love seeing josh and leah walk around with him and talk to him, he is going to learn so much from them! i love that he snuggles up like a little tree frog, and sits with his feet together like he's doing yoga. he has such cute little features, little lips, shoulders, long fingers and toes.. i am so excited to watch him grow up, to have him for his first sleepover, to play with him and teach him silly songs and games. i can't wait till we hear his little voice. but at the same time, i can, because i love him in this stage now too and don't want to rush him (he is already growing and changing so fast!) what a sweet little peanut.