i'm attempting to study for my exam right now.. but i have given up for the time being.
i've been thinking a lot lately about two things: apathy and bitterness.
i wonder which one is worse? or maybe they are just both not good.
i think that often when a situation happens that causes hurt or a broken relationship it is very difficult to not dwell in that hurt, and allow that hurt to turn to bitterness. i have been thinking about this a lot lately as i feel like there is some hurt in my life that i have allowed to turn into bitterness. i'm struggling with our church community, and feeling as though there are things that i'm not ok with, or have been hurt by, or whatever.. and I need to step back from that. but oh, how i have realized that i have held my church life & my faith life so closely in the same grasp!
the church is the body of Christ - but it is not Christ - it is a human, it is imperfect. it causes hurt and disappointment. it makes mistakes and sometimes forgets to extend grace. it can act as the hands and feet of Jesus. it can extend the true love & grace of Jesus, but how quickly we remain human.
i feel that apathy can be very hurtful, and i feel that sometimes in our faith lives we become apathetic. the beauty of grace is that Jesus continues to love & accept us regardless of how much we fail him. but that is not an invitation to be apathetic! what a realization.
i loved listening to my grandma pray. i have missed that this past month. there were some weeks that I had the privilege of praying with her, or hearing her pray every single day. my grandma was not perfect, but oh, she was good! she was loving, and faithful. she was hard working and selfless. she didn't have an apathetic bone in her body! she had many trials in her life, many things to over come. she became so sick in the last month especially, but even then, she was not apathetic or selfish in her faith. every time she started praying she would say "thank you Lord, for another day of grace". acknowledging the gift, remaining faithful to Jesus by thanking Him for his continuous faithfulness, grace & love.
i think that acknowledging God's grace to us daily is one way to dispel bitterness. to be reminded of grace extended to us so that we realize the importance of extending it to others. never taking that grace for granted. doing away with apathy, and choosing to let go of bitterness & hurt. another day of grace!
