hold on to me as a we go...

I'm not sure how many other people still watch American Idol, but I do even though after Taylor Hicks won I swore I would NEVER watch again...
This past season was probably my favorite of all the seasons. The judges are more positive and give more constructive criticism as opposed to just being grumpy (aka simon cowell). It was also my favorite season because I was so happy with who won.. a guy named Phillip Phillips (maybe I'll name our baby Thiesse Thiessen, since the double name seemed to work for Phillip). He was my favorite because it was so obvious that he was there because he loved making music, he loved performing because it meant he got lost in the music - he wasn't there to be "adored" or praised for what he did (although that's a nice bonus I'm sure). He was there to just be who he was, and express himself through this creative outlet of music. And he had one of the most attractive qualities a person can have (in my opinion) - a humble spirit. When they announced that he won, he had to sing his new single - Home - and it was emotional to watch (and apparently something I get emotional talking about.. pregnant much?) because he was just so humbled at the support for who he truly is, that he couldn't even make it through singing the whole song and he ended up walking off the stage to cry with his family.
By far my favorite TV moment of 2012.

Anyway, this song has become one of my favorites and it came on this morning when I was watching the weather channel as I was getting ready for the day, and has been playing in my mind since then. I'm  in the process of making a mix CD of songs that make me think about our little baby, and this journey of preparing to be parents and just these months of anticipation and fun. I intend to listen to it in the car during the last few weeks before my due date, and if I decide to listen to music when I'm in labour (I'm undecided as to whether I'll find music enjoyable or annoying when I'm in pain.. time will tell) then it will be part of that mixture of songs. I decided this morning that this song, Home, is going on that mix - partially because I just love it and how it sounds, but also because of a lot of the words.

Recently I have been starting to have some thoughts (I was going to say doubts, or fears, or concerns.. but those all sound like such downers) about what it will really be like to take on the role of being a mom, and being parents, Michael & I together. No one gives you permission to become a parent, no one can really tell you what to do, or fully prepare you for this huge (and amazing) new role. I'm gathering that it is a lot of trial and error. I have been having a lot of dreams lately, and the other day the main thing in my dream was that my baby was born but I kept living life as if it wasn't. I would get up and leave for the day, and I went days without feeding or changing my baby. I woke up in a bit of a panic!

I've always known I want to be a mom, and that I think Michael will be an awesome Dad. We have wonderful examples, especially in our parents and Josh & Leah. We are so excited for this all to really start - but it is also completely new territory. So many unknowns which is both the exciting and terrifying thing about it!

I am very aware that Satan likes to take our doubts and our personal weaknesses and blow them out of proportion. He likes to make me wonder if I can even do this at all! But, I am confident in who I am, in who God made me to be, in Michael, in our support of family & friends. And well, I love this baby so much, and if I'm terrible at everything else, at least it will know it is completely and utterly loved!

So, back to the song, Home - I feel like the words play into all of this journey for me - "hold onto me as we go, as we roll down this unfamiliar road... don't pay no mind to the demons that fill you with fear... just know you're not alone, I'm going to make this place your home."

I am so looking forward to this new stage of life being home.

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

does this make anyone else cry? no? just me? oh well :)

my one and only

I'm not sure if this is the case for everyone, but I have found that one of the most wonderful things about being pregnant is that it has made Michael & I closer than ever!

We had friends of ours over the other day and they asked us if we would call each other our best friend, and of course we easily said YES! They felt the same way about one another, and it was fun to be able to talk about the fact that we weren't just married couples, but we were couples who were best friends and wanted to be with no one else as much as with our spouse. I know that is not the case for every married couple, and so we have just been really grateful for this lately.

Over the last few months, there have been many times where we have just stopped what we are doing or talking about to say, Hey I just really love you!! It's a fun thing to practice doing, making a point to tell your spouse when you think of them, and think about how special they are to you!

This weekend is Father's Day, and although I realize that some people wouldn't celebrate mother's day & father's when they are pregnant, because the baby isn't "here".. that isn't how we roll. The day we found out we were pregnant was the day we officially became parents. So Michael celebrated me on Mother's day, and I intend to celebrate him on Father's day.

When Michael and I were dating he used to write me an email every morning, and also would write me notes during school. So, for Mother's day he wrote me a letter and it was the best gift!! I have read it over many times since then. Telling me why he thought I'd be a great mom, why he loves me, and how much he loves our baby already. It was thoughtful and personal, and made my day. (On a side note.. a very exciting side note, the reality of me being a mom sunk in big time yesterday - I felt my baby move for the first time. Made my heart beat way too fast. I felt it again today, and it is pure magic!!)

Today on the radio I heard one of my favorite songs, a dave matthews song. Michael and I love Dave Matthews. It made me smile to hear it, because it's how I feel about my guy, my one and only. And now that we are parents, the line about teaching our kids to fly just makes me smile, ear to ear. Give it a listen, it's bound to make you smile. Oh, and go tell your man you love him!

You and Me - Dave Matthews
Wanna pack your bags, 
Something small 
Take what you need and we disappear 
Without a trace we'll be gone, gone 
The moon and the stars can follow the car 
and then when we get to the ocean 
We gonna take a boat to the end of the world  
All the way to the end of the world
 
Oh, and when the kids are old enough 
We're gonna teach them to fly
You and me together, 
we could do anything, Baby 
You and me together 
yes, yes
 
You and I, we're not tied to the ground 
Not falling but rising like rolling around 
Eyes closed above the rooftops 
Eyes closed, we're gonna spin through the stars 
Our arms wide as the sky 
We gonna ride the blue all the way to the end of the world 
To the end of the world 
 
We can always look back at what we did 
All these memories of you and me baby 
But right now it's you and me forever girl 
And you know we could do better than anything that we did 
You know that you and me, we could do anything

a visit with my 2 favourite little men.

yesterday I stopped at the hospital after school to visit Roger, and when I got there mom & dad were there with Everett, so I got to hang out with my 2 favourite little boys at once!

When Leah got out of the bed, Everett took it over & josh was giving him "rides" on the bed (folding it up & then flat, moving it up & down), so I took a little video, I love hearing his sweet little voice! He says "again" which is one of his most commonly used words & then starts chatting & then ends talking about another favourite thing: auntie's cats.

after Mom/Dad/Ev left I was able to spend time alone with Josh, Leah & Roger & soak up some good snuggle time.

I am a very happy auntie!!

christmas aspirations

school is done!!
time for Christmas :)

I have already been working on the things on my "christmas aspirations list" (an idea given to me by my fabulous friend audrey) She made my list all fancy for me and it's up on my fridge. A good way to make sure that I do the things I love doing around Christmas!

i baked sugar cookies last night with my sister phoebe & my mom-in-law, i put my christmas cards to out-of-town friends in the mail today, mike put up our lights on the house last night (first time we've had lights on the house since we got married!), michael & i made a snowman at midnight a few weeks ago when it was snowing so beautifully. we made a snowman and then went for a walk as the snow was falling. i have sung stille nacht numerous times (this is the first year in a long time that i'm not singing at mcivor on christmas eve. partially because i'm not part of the choir this year and also because the service was cancelled), we have attended 2 christmas plays (eastview dinner theater and kilconas christmas play) we have officially had egg nog in the house since monday, we bought and decorated our real tree this week.. 

i made a wreath out of white  & green yarn as well as some gold twig things. it's hanging in the kitchen.  i have also gone through a few potfuls of stovetop potpurri.. smells like christmas to me. 

my afghan is a continuous project.. i almost have 175 squares done!

having family over/visiting with family is not one of my aspirations that i will cross off because i want to keep visiting the whole season long!!

we are planning to make a gingerbread house with everett on the 26th (the day our family is celebrating christmas) i think it'll be fun and messy!

the second side of my list is not as complete.. i have watched 2 of the 4 movies on my list, made my own ornaments, listened to christmas music constantly. i have volunteered - singing at a woman's brunch - and that is where my list ends. i am very much looking forward to puzzling, skating, tobogganing, and hopefully i can find some home videos to watch. 

i love the season of Christmas. time to slow down and spend time with family. michael & i are also going to have our own little christmas - we are going to fargo next week for 3 days! And - as a wonderful christmas bonus - Chad will be home this weekend!! we are very thrilled.

if anyone is having trouble getting into the christmas season you should watch one of my all time favorite christmas videos. it is so wonderful, sweet and simple that it makes me tear up every time. especially when they have a party. the season of christmas can become so busy. but the story and the gift of christmas is so wonderful, simple and amazing!

murmurations

found a link to this video on the 22 words blog
it was filmed in Ireland, and it is incredible
(although if I was canoeing when this happened and if I hadn't heard about starlings before, I would probably be quite freaked out!)

From Time Magazine…

No one knows why they do it. Yet each fall, thousands of starlings dance in the twilight above Gretna, Scotland. The birds gather in magical shape-shifting flocks called murmurations, having migrated in the millions from Russia and Scandinavia to escape winter’s bite. Scientists aren’t sure how they do it, either. Even complex algorithmic models haven’t yet explained the starlings’ acrobatics, which rely on the tiny bird’s quicksilver reaction time of under 100 milliseconds to avoid aerial collisions—and predators—in the giant flock.

going to ireland or scotland and witnessing this is now on my bucket list!

OK

OK - stands for 2 things in this post
Olga Klassen - my most wonderful grandma, who I miss constantly and am so thankful for.
and OK - is how I'm doing, today it has been one year without her, and it feels like it was just yesterday and also like it has been much longer.
i keep a picture of her hands in my office at work. they were so representative of who she is.
they were calloused from a lot of hard work. they were strong. they were used to make endless meals and buns "something to bite" (as grandpa always said..) for her family. they were serving. they were loving. they were constantly folded in prayer & thanksgiving.
one thing i really miss is how she used to hold my hand when i was telling her something serious or hard. there is so much i wish i could be telling her now. but, one thing i have no regret about, is that i have NO DOUBT that my grandma knew how much i loved her. and i know it was mutual.

here is the slide show my auntie made for grandma's funeral. watch it if you have a minute, and see a little glimpse into the life of my wonderful grandma

hockey nostalgia

I've always been a hockey fan

I'm not good at it, but I like to watch it

I understand the rules, I can remember a lot of the players names

as well as team names (one time last year mike & russ didn't believe me, so they tested me, and I think I did pretty good!)

hockey is nostalgic for me

i remember the many afternoons at the hazelridge rink

cheering on my brothers team

and playing with all the other "hockey sisters" in the arena

but mostly, hockey reminds me of my grandpa klassen

we often slept over at grandma & grandpas house on devon avenue on saturday nights

and grandpa had a saturday night ritual

hockey night in canada

i remember grandma would run me a bath and i would splash around in there

(you kinda had to splash.. since grandma & grandpa would only ever fill the tub with about 2-3 inches of water! good mennonites, conserving water *smile*)

once I was done and I had changed into my pjs grandpa would have me come join him to watch the hockey game. 

he would pull out his black comb that he always kept in his shirt pocket

and he would gently and patiently comb through my long blonde hair

i had long hair, and it was often full of tangles

but grandpa didn't mind

he would often have some kind of treat for us while we watched

a bag of smarties was often the treat

and grandpa believed that we needed to savour them - that it was quite silly to grab a handful of smarties and chew them up all at the same time

so we ate them, one at a time

slowly, enjoying

thats how grandpa was - always looking for ways to savour everything - enjoy it to the fullest

once the game was over (or it was time for bed) we'd go to the kitchen for our "midnight snack"

a bowl of cornflakes with a sprinkle of brown sugar and a few slices of banana

then we would get tucked in, tuckered out, and happy

i really miss my grandpa

so, hockey makes me nostalgic, and i can't help but get excited with all the hoopla over the jets.

there is something wonderful about a city that rallies behind it's team

i have even got teary reading newspaper interviews with the new jets team.

it's going to be fun to have the nhl back in our city

hot 103 put out this song - basically they re-wrote the words to lmfao's party rock anthem to be all about the jets, and i can't help smiling the whole time that I listen to it.

the official season is about to start - and with nostalgia and excitement.. i can't wait!