remembering.

I have always been a fan of worship music - no matter how new or how old. I love me a good solid hymn with 4 part harmony (and the occasional "descant" if we want to really get crazy), I love the newest most contemporary styles as well. And really, everything in between! My iPod playlists will often contain a mixture of gaithers to iron & wine. I'm not picky really. One thing I do love, is playing or singing an "old" song (old being a relative term here) and rediscovering it. Either the way the melody ebbs & flows or fits into my favorite register of my voice, or rediscovering the poetic phrases in the lyrics, or a combo of the two if I'm lucky!

I have compiled all of my worship music into one large binder. It contains all kinds of gems in there. And often, just when I need it - I will flip "randomly" to a song, and it will fit exactly where I am at with my thoughts. Today was one of those days. I flipped to the song "We Worship You" by Jane Martens. I have always loved the melody of this song, and today the words fit perfectly into my thoughts, especially the second verse:

We worship You, we come before Your throne
To see Your face Lord, for You have cleansed us
And called us Your own
We worship You and even in pain
We know You've redeemed us
And we'll never be the same

So because of Your grace and Your unfailing love
Because of Your faithfulness we lift You up
Because of Your word and Your righteous ways
We offer to You Lord this sacrifice of praise

I have been thinking a lot about what our lives look like as Christians. How are we supposed to be different, and how are we supposed to be "in the world" as well. These thoughts are largely due to those around me - I have been surrounded by the whole spectrum these days it seems. I have a new friend who is a new Christian - and making this decision has required huge sacrifice. I have others around me that are being very obedient in our call as Christians - which sometimes requires a huge change in our lives and often pushes us out of our comfort zone, or inviting others in, which also challenges our comfort zone. I have also been witness to the other extreme of the spectrum, with those who once were on the same page as me, and have now expanded their "God box" and are walking a dangerous line of interpreting God's word to fit our situation and desires. 

When we are spiritual and earthly peers to one another, we will just naturally compare our experiences to others, our views, our thoughts, our nudgings of the Spirit. So I have been thinking a lot about what do I want my life to be like, how do I want others to see Christ in me, and how do I want Christ to see me every minute of every day. How do I walk along side of a new Christian, and also those who are struggling? 

We have the luxury (and I really do see it as a luxury) of having a huge community of faith around us. We have had the opportunity recently to seek out the council of our spiritual authority in our church (our lead pastor) as well as conversations with peers. We have open communication in our family unit of Michael and I, as well as both of our extended families. We have friends and peers. We have people in our lives who commit to praying for us, while we commit to praying for others. People who encourage us while we use our energies to encourage others. Community, a luxury, and a necessity for spiritual health. 

One of the other opportunities recently for me has been attending a Beth Moore bible study at Women Refreshed at the Well. It is called "Laws of Love" and it is a short study on the book of Deuteronomy. I have been so thankful for this study so far. One of the major parts that has stuck in my mind has been on the point of Spiritual Amnesia. Here are some of the points Beth makes on that (someone on the internet has posted these notes- so it is not verbatim, just the notes of another person doing this bible study):

Deuteronomy 8:2,11,14,18,19:
Spiritual amnesia kills people, churches, integrity, promise.
V2: and you shall remember
V11: take care let you forget
V14: then your heart be lifted up, and you forget
V18: you shall remember
V19: and if you forget
The only way to keep from forgetting is to remember!
Remembering is the key to not forgetting!

My story is my ministry. My story is the reason why I have the sanity to put 4 words together to make sense. All for His glory!

There is a thin line between taking for granted what God has done and taking credit for it. When we stop remembering, we have forgotten; It will bring us back to bondage every time.
We cry out and we start again in hopes to make it right this time. It's an endless cycle. Make it stop.

This has fit so well into my thoughts these days. With both my friend that is a new Christian, and those on the other end - one is in a place of realizing what God is doing - and working so hard at remembering, and the other is in the place of beginning to forget. Through all of it, I am realizing that it is our job as Christians to work at REMEMBERING. To keep God involved and at the centre of everything we do so that our story - the way we live, our life in all aspects - points back to God and what He has done. 

I've been reminded yet again that being a Christian is a verb not a noun (ha, I feel like Dr. Phil here - he always says "now I'm going to put verbs in my sentences"). God is not a box that we can widen - his word is very clear and God needs to be the only thing we measure ourself against. The minute we try to fit God around our sins and earthly tendencies, is the minute that we have started to forget. Being a Christian is work! It requires sacrifice (either materialistic things, or not giving into sinful desires etc). 

And this is where I (finally) fit the song into it all. The last line of the song always hits me. "We offer to You Lord, this sacrifice of praise."The way that we worship God, is by continually offering ourselves to him, all parts - even the parts that we so desperately want to cling to. But when we work at remembering - the sacrifice is put into perspective, and it really is just all about worship & praise and then we realize that this sacrifice is hardly a sacrifice at all once we realize where we are because of God. 

"You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you're named and kept for good by the shepherd of your souls." 1 Peter 2:25

Baby Formula: Perks and tips from a proud formula mom.

I am a formula using mom. Figured I should just get that out there at the start of this post.

When I became pregnant I did a lot of reading, reading about pregnancy, about my baby's development, about infant care, sleeping "techniques", and a lot about breast feeding. I had of course heard the (much overused in my opinion) familiar proclamation that BREAST IS BEST, and found that many of the books that I took out of the library weren't actually so much about breast feeding, but rather loved to do "formula bashing".

I personally felt that breast feeding would be best for me. I figured it made sense to use the milk my body produced, that it would be a way to bond with my baby, that it was natural, mostly convenient, and, well, it was free! (What Mennonite girl doesn't love something that is free?!)

When my sweet girl Matilda was coming into this world we both needed some assistance and so she was delivered by emergency c-section. Afterwards we were taken to recovery, and within a very short time Matilda was given to me for her first official breast milk meal. She had a good, strong latch. I felt confident and natural. This continued over the next few days in the hospital. I recognized her cues and was able to provide for her. The nurses often would tell me that they were so happy that she was such a natural.

Well, we came home and things weren't so great! My colostrum was gone and it was time for the milk to take its place. I was nursing Matilda for an hour and then an hour later she was screaming again. She had to fall asleep nursing or she was up screaming. A lot of tears were shed by both Matilda and I.

My home care nurse came and it was confirmed that my milk had not come in, in full. My sweet girl was starving and needed food fast. The first time we gave her formula, she was gulping it down and afterward I had my sweet, content baby back.

Logically this should have been the point where I said, "ok, we will just use formula", however here is where I feel the struggle begin. Everything I read echoed in my head - BREAST IS BEST! I was also constantly hearing a voice in my head saying, "low milk supply is a myth" since I had heard that pretty much as often as I heard breast is best. At our prenatal classes our teacher told us that we just had to get through the first 7 days of breastfeeding and then everything would fall into a nice rhythm. But - I was struggling. I was losing my confidence and I was an emotional mess! One day at my parents place I couldn't stop crying, and even my sweet nephew said "why is auntie so sad??". I was thankful to have a few friends who also used formula - and who quickly replied to my email asking them to tell me why they chose to do formula and what their experience was with it.

I came to realize that a lot of people ask about how you feed your baby - and a lot of people will try and make you feel badly that you're feeding your baby formula. I'm not totally sure why people think that is ok - or that it's really any of their business! What every baby needs is love and attention - meaning a mom and dad and other family to meet their needs. A baby doesn't care if you feed them breast milk or formula - but they can tell if you are stressed and anxious in the process. Once we switched to formula, I was a happy mom, and I had a happy content baby. This doesn't mean that I think everyone should use formula, it just means that I'm a firm believer in people minding their own business, and just telling the mom that she is doing a great job caring for her baby! I was offered some suggestions of things I could do - groups I could go to, pills I could take, etc. etc. But the best advise I got was from my friend who told me PUT THAT BABY ON FORMULA AND GET YOUR SANITY BACK!! She could see that it wasn't about what baby needed, it was about how BFing was making me lose my mind. It was also so helpful to have family that just told me they supported me as a mom no matter what I chose.

So, 5 months later - I have decided to write this post about formula and about how it is working for us. My hope is that some other mom who is struggling will find this when she is doing a google search - and that she will see some hope in her situation - not just a bunch of websites and forums telling her that she is failing as a mom. You can be the best mom regardless of how you feed your baby. Loving your baby is most important - and loving your baby means giving them what they need - food and a sane mom :)

I realize this is already quite long, but I made a list of the PERKS of formula (as well as some of our "tips" to using formula) and I want to post my list. I will be clear again that this isn't me in any way saying formula is better than breastfeeding or vice versa. There is a long list of perks for breastfeeding and so this is in no way a comparison list - it is just something for the other formula moms out there to feel encouraged!!

- With formula you can share the responsibility of feeding - you can decide to just do it yourself, or to let your spouse take a turn, and even let other family members like grandparents and aunties help.
- You can do it anywhere without having to worry about covering up your body - which is mostly a perk for those people who would be uncomfortable nursing in public. I realize that isn't everyone, but it is definitely some people!
-You can leave baby with a babysitter and go on DATES! Or even just run errands and let baby stay in the comfort of home - plus it helps build relationship with baby and other family members since they get some time alone together!

- One-on-one daddy & baby time! Every morning Michael gets up with Matilda when she wakes up for the day. He feeds her, and she plays while he makes his lunch and drinks his coffee. He then puts her down for her first nap and leaves for work - all the while, I am still asleep! Since he is gone working for most of the day,  it is really awesome that they get to spend time together just the 2 of them, and on the mornings when he has to be up and gone before she is - she gives me this look, like "you aren't dad!" when I get up with her. They are very close and Michael is able to be a very hands-on dad!
- Formula takes longer to digest than breastmilk, which means baby sleeps longer stretches sooner, and also poops less! (on the downside, formula poop stinks - so that one diaper makes up for the 5-6 that breastfeeding babes have! - in my opinion!! haha)
- It is a solution for the emotionally exhausted mom who is trying to breast feed but doesn't make enough milk (or any!)

Here are tips that Michael and I think are worth sharing:
- pre-fill all your bottles with water at the start of the day - it makes it easier to make a bottle quickly if your baby gets as impatient as mine ;)
-refrigerate any left overs and use at the next feeding! (this was one of the best pieces of advise I received, since before that I would almost cry as I watched sometimes almost full bottles going down the drain with my money...) "Throwing it out" is just a recommendation by the company to sell more formula and thus make more money. You do however need to throw it out if you forgot to put it in the fridge between feedings.
- you don't HAVE TO make it in 60mL portions. We are currently filling our bottles with 150ml of water and 2 1/2 scoops of formula - they make the scoop rounded so you have less confidence about "eye-balling" it - but you figure out what half of the scoop is - a tiny bit more or less won't hurt baby.
- don't force baby to finish the bottle. Breastfeeding moms don't know how much (in volume) baby eats and that is ok! But when you have it in a bottle, you feel like you need to decide how much baby is eating, since one day she will guzzle a full bottle and the next time maybe only 60 ml! Baby knows when to stop. If I push Matti to finish her bottle - it comes back up eventually...
- before shaking the bottle, swirl it around - it helps the powder and water mix a bit - keeping it from bunching up in the nipple
- let Dad do feeds! He is just as capable as mom - sometimes he just needs a little encouragement at first to build confidence
- just because anyone CAN feed your baby doesn't mean you HAVE to let them. In some circumstances it may be best for mom (or dad) to do the feed - if that is your instinct - follow it! Baby will be thankful.
- just because you CAN feed anywhere (like in the middle of a noisy family gathering) doesn't mean you should. Baby gets so distracted and also it is a nice excuse to sneak away and spend some quiet time together
- Some formulas (like Nestle Good Start - which is what we use) - will make your babies poop a dark, army green, almost black color. People WILL ask you if your baby is ok. Poop can be any color - the most important thing is if it is a different color randomly - then that could be a problem, but because of the iron in formula, the poop is often quite dark.
- Don't feel like you have to buy the formula with more added things (like omega etc). The formula with added omega just causes constipation over here with my babe, they don't sell formula that will malnourish your baby, and if you are wondering about a formula - write down the ingredients (or bring in a tin) and show it to your pediatrician - they are there to answer your questions!
- Price does not determine if a formula is better or not! Sometimes it just has to do with brand name. Use whatever formula works for your baby - if it happens to be the cheapest one out there - lucky for you!!
- If a formula is working - DON'T SWITCH!! The ingredients are essentially the same, but even the slightest change can majorly affect baby. If you are worried about cost - try the cheapest one first! We started with Good Start and then tried to switch to a cheaper one, but she is used to good start, so the switch caused constipation, bad sleeping and a lot of crying.
- Just because one formula works for one mom doesn't mean it will work for you! (We made the switch because someone I know swore by this other formula - but like I said, it didn't work for us!)
- the liquid & concentrated formula is too expensive for daily use! But it is nice to have at the grandparents house if they want to keep formula on hand - it is a nice treat and the powder has to be used within 30 days of opening - which isn't much time if you just use it occasionally on visits!
- playtex vent-aire bottles changed our world - if baby seems to struggle at all during feeds - try a new bottle. We highly recommend them! (Matti switched to the fast flow nipples at 3 months. We never used the medium flow ones. Standard size is perfect for us. Wide is good if you are doing both breast and bottle.)
- don't offer bottle when baby is sleepy - they use it as a pacifier and then cry because formula is coming out - and if your baby is like Matilda - you will get a hearty dose of spit up afterward.

Most important:
- BE CONFIDENT in your choice to do formula and let other moms be confident in their choice of how they feed.
- The only thing that matters is that baby is fed & happy and that mom is sane :)

OK - long enough! Hopefully this will be helpful to someone - the advise of other formula moms was hugely helpful to me. So - to those moms (you know who you are!) THANK YOU. You helped me when I needed it most.

Here's to happy babies everywhere!

Signs of a new Mom

I have now been a mom for 8 weeks. EIGHT WEEKS! things are going well over here, we are getting some sleep, drinking lots of coffee and getting to know Matilda's sweet personality.

I was thinking today of all the ways my "normal" has changed and was laughing to myself as I was thinking of some of the things that act as clear evidence that I'm a new mom. So I decided to blog about it.

The first way would actually be the fact that I am writing this post on my iPhone while holding my sweet sleeping baby and bouncing on my exercise ball.

Other ways you can tell I'm a new mom:

Getting dressed for the day now means changing out of the pyjama pants I slept in and putting on new pyjama pants for the day.

which pjs should I wear today...

The day's success is measured in hours of sleep and amount of poop. (Hers not mine, although after you have a c-section it takes the body awhile to get back to normal so you do celebrate your own bathroom victories - maybe that is TMI? Haha)

napping in her swing

Time to myself now consists of going to the bathroom in peace, doing a quick washing of all the bottles and maybe a game of scrabble on my phone (I'm getting pretty good!)

bottles washed and unwashed

If I want to drink my coffee hot it needs to be in a travel mug because it never fails that as soon as I take the first sip Matilda wakes up and I have yet to master the drinking of hot liquids and holding her simultaneously.

starbucks blonde roast brewed and poured into my travel mug

I consider lunch successful if I have eaten by 3pm.

My phone is now full of pictures of Matilda instead of my cats. Not a bad thing!

just smiling at her dad

My hair is going grey. And every time I tell someone they say "ya right" and then they look at my head and say, "oh ya!!" I'm considering just chopping it off into the short spikey silver "do" that women seem to do when embracing their grey. Oy.

some shampoo lovingly given to me by my sister, note the purpose: "for blonde, highlighted, and silver hair." :)

I tape shows like Dr Phil to watch during the day when nothing is on (I like having the TV on in the background, makes me feel less like I'm home alone). I also can tell you the best show to watch at most hours of the day, except for 11am, that time slot is hopeless, perfect time to pull out a book!

just imparting wisdom onto the nation. nbd (or no big deal, that's slang my sister uses)

These things and many more are the signs of a new mom - a role I am loving. I am so thankful for my new normal and for the sweetest little girl to call my own.

motherhood & social media

there are a lot of good things about social media
I'm still connected to social media in a few ways - blogging and pinterest really
I have a facebook with no friends - so that I can use it to enter contests and other things
I occasionally read peoples tweets on twitter (but mostly just to stay up to date with my close friends jef & emily.. haha!)

I have realized over the last 8+ months of being pregnant that social media can be a good thing, but it can also make you feel insecure, make you feel like you don't measure up, make you feel like everyone wants to tell you about everything in their lives so you should want to share all of that too, that you should have a cuter nursery, read more parenting books, post more verses of scripture or songs in your house, drink green smoothies all day long etc. It is overwhelming!! I'm not even parenting yet and already there are days or times that I don't feel like I'm measuring up!

I have also realized that when you are pregnant people want to know some of the following (so I'll put my thoughts next to the questions, incase any of your are DYING TO KNOW what I think..):
- how long did you try to get pregnant (that can be a very sensitive subject for someone who tried unsuccessfully for months or years. we are thankful that was not our situation, and we know we are very blessed and fortunate that we did not have that struggle that some of our friends have had.)
- are you going to do MSS screening (to find out if your child has special needs - and in some peoples cases - to decide whether or not to terminate the pregnancy - We did not want to do this test.)
- are you going to find out the gender of the baby (we did - altho some people have made it clear to me with their reactions that they don't approve of that - oh well, I like being prepared!)
- if you did find out the gender - are you telling? (we aren't - I like the element of surprising all of our friends at the end of the 9 months! But I have no issue with those who decide to tell!)
- are you going to breastfeed? exclusively? (I will do my best! But I think there are times when Moms need to use formula - and I think they are just as wonderful mothers!)
- are you going to use cloth diapers? (no we are not - Michael made it clear that he had no interest in changing a cloth diaper - and I was on the fence, leaning toward disposable.. so it was a pretty easy decision. But, telling some people this answer has left them with a GASP look on their faces. From what I have read - there are pros and cons to both sides of the argument, and in all honesty - I have no interest in being part of that argument. I say, do what works for you - and if your baby is happy - we have success)
- are you going to labour "naturally"? (aka no medication) For the record - I think medication or not, it is all natural. It is still a baby coming out of your body - whether it is vaginally, by c-section, with no medication or with an epidural - it's still a baby coming out of you!! I am going to attempt to do a medicine free vaginal birth - but I have read about all the medication options and the procedure of a c-section.
- are you going to have a birth plan? Nope (or at least not a written one) - my plan is this - be educated and then trust that the doctor I chose to walk me through my pregnancy is more than qualified to make good decisions/suggestions for my care during my labour.
- doula? midwife? birthing center? (This one is a hot topic these days!! I only wanted a doctor - and I was only going to birth at a hospital. Birth is too fragile of a thing for me to not want to be surrounded by doctors/nurses/and all the necessary tools. As for a doula - when Michael and I talked about it, he felt as though a doula would be doing his job - and he wanted his job to be his. I loved that answer. Instead of a doula, I'm having Michael and my Mom as my support people and I feel like this is the best choice for me!!)
- Ok, so how about parenting - attachment parenting? baby wise? somewhere in between? (this is the other "hottest" topic in my opinion, because everyone has an opinion and a method. To be honest - we have LOVED being able to be an Auntie & Uncle to Josh & Leahs kids and to watch how they parent. We love how they treat their kids, how they respect them and how they have a "schedule" but it isn't rigid. My opinion with parenting "technique" is my same as with diapers - do what works for you, happy mom, happy baby - success. Leah read the book Secrets of the Baby Whisperer - and passed it onto me - I like it because it is more inbetween the "extremes" of parenting - and it seems like something that will work for me. Trial and error I suppose..)

I guess my main point of this rant is this - there are a lot of things out there (blogs, pinterest, facebook, twitter and pregnancy forums) that can make me doubt myself and get anxious - but the best advice I've been given is to just trust myself - and to have a few "safe" people that I can confide in about the struggles, and people that I can ask about how they did things etc. I am surrounded by a multitude of wonderful mothers - maybe it's time to focus more on them and what we do have, then to compare to people I (often) don't even know and allow myself to doubt!

Social media - it can be good, but for me, it's something I need to guard against.

4 weeks today until my due date - and this baby is going to be in my care, in my house, and will be my baby! Trusting myself, praying, and a good support system is the key to success I think :)

Here are 2 pictures of me from today incase any of you were wondering if my belly is growing - it really is! This baby is running out of room...

hold on to me as a we go...

I'm not sure how many other people still watch American Idol, but I do even though after Taylor Hicks won I swore I would NEVER watch again...
This past season was probably my favorite of all the seasons. The judges are more positive and give more constructive criticism as opposed to just being grumpy (aka simon cowell). It was also my favorite season because I was so happy with who won.. a guy named Phillip Phillips (maybe I'll name our baby Thiesse Thiessen, since the double name seemed to work for Phillip). He was my favorite because it was so obvious that he was there because he loved making music, he loved performing because it meant he got lost in the music - he wasn't there to be "adored" or praised for what he did (although that's a nice bonus I'm sure). He was there to just be who he was, and express himself through this creative outlet of music. And he had one of the most attractive qualities a person can have (in my opinion) - a humble spirit. When they announced that he won, he had to sing his new single - Home - and it was emotional to watch (and apparently something I get emotional talking about.. pregnant much?) because he was just so humbled at the support for who he truly is, that he couldn't even make it through singing the whole song and he ended up walking off the stage to cry with his family.
By far my favorite TV moment of 2012.

Anyway, this song has become one of my favorites and it came on this morning when I was watching the weather channel as I was getting ready for the day, and has been playing in my mind since then. I'm  in the process of making a mix CD of songs that make me think about our little baby, and this journey of preparing to be parents and just these months of anticipation and fun. I intend to listen to it in the car during the last few weeks before my due date, and if I decide to listen to music when I'm in labour (I'm undecided as to whether I'll find music enjoyable or annoying when I'm in pain.. time will tell) then it will be part of that mixture of songs. I decided this morning that this song, Home, is going on that mix - partially because I just love it and how it sounds, but also because of a lot of the words.

Recently I have been starting to have some thoughts (I was going to say doubts, or fears, or concerns.. but those all sound like such downers) about what it will really be like to take on the role of being a mom, and being parents, Michael & I together. No one gives you permission to become a parent, no one can really tell you what to do, or fully prepare you for this huge (and amazing) new role. I'm gathering that it is a lot of trial and error. I have been having a lot of dreams lately, and the other day the main thing in my dream was that my baby was born but I kept living life as if it wasn't. I would get up and leave for the day, and I went days without feeding or changing my baby. I woke up in a bit of a panic!

I've always known I want to be a mom, and that I think Michael will be an awesome Dad. We have wonderful examples, especially in our parents and Josh & Leah. We are so excited for this all to really start - but it is also completely new territory. So many unknowns which is both the exciting and terrifying thing about it!

I am very aware that Satan likes to take our doubts and our personal weaknesses and blow them out of proportion. He likes to make me wonder if I can even do this at all! But, I am confident in who I am, in who God made me to be, in Michael, in our support of family & friends. And well, I love this baby so much, and if I'm terrible at everything else, at least it will know it is completely and utterly loved!

So, back to the song, Home - I feel like the words play into all of this journey for me - "hold onto me as we go, as we roll down this unfamiliar road... don't pay no mind to the demons that fill you with fear... just know you're not alone, I'm going to make this place your home."

I am so looking forward to this new stage of life being home.

Hold on, to me as we go
As we roll down this unfamiliar road
And although this wave is stringing us along
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found
Just know you’re not alone
Cause I’m going to make this place your home

does this make anyone else cry? no? just me? oh well :)

a friend in all kinds of weather

I seem to be a fair-weather friend to writing.

I write when I need to, when I want to, and I don't write if I am busy or preoccupied or tired.

As far as blogging is concerned, that's really ok. I don't have to write on here, I do so because it's a creative outlet for me, and since I like reading the blogs of friends of mine, I figure why not write on here as I feel like it.

However, I feel like I am not writing enough in general. I used to want to be an author just because I loved putting words together and loved how it felt & sounded to type. I love the click-clack of a typewriter and even a keyboard. (one "downside" of macs - in my opinion - is the virtually silent keyboard. Didn't they know of my love for the click-clackiness of it, and consider that before catering to most peoples preferences?! ha) I would never pursue being a writer for the same reasons I would never pursue being a photographer (and I also think partially why I decided to not pursue the job in music that I went to school for). Just because you love something doesn't mean it's the right fit for a job. (Which, I should clarify doesn't mean you shouldn't love your job. I am a secretary and love it!)

With photography and writing and music I do it because I love it.
Having a career in it, for me, would demand things to happen a certain way, on a certain schedule, with certain amounts (or in HUGE amounts.. in my mind) of pressure. And my creative side does not thrive under those conditions. My creativity, much like the rest of my personality is stubborn to the core.

So I photograph for fun, but would never do a wedding, or something that can't be "redone". Not because I don't think I could do it, but because it takes some of the fun out and replaces it with pressure to be a certain way.

With music, I decided not to pursue music therapy (for many reasons) and to just sing, play piano and play the guitar for the love of it, and for fun, and in worship.

And with writing.. I love to write as it comes to mind. To open up the page in my journal, to take out a sheet of looseleaf, to open to the composing page on my blog and just start writing.. see where it takes me. Sometimes I have a topic or point in mind, but other times, the times I feel most like I'm writing just as myself, it just comes on its own.

But writing for me also helps me with my prayer life, and in that way, I would like to become less of a fair weather friend, and more of a companion. I do also pray without writing it down, but there is also something unique about prayer thru writing.

One of my favourite things to do occasionally when I write out my prayers is to just start writing without formulating my thoughts first. Sometimes I am surprised (not sure if that's totally the right word) to re-read it when I'm done writing and see the conversation that was going on between God & I. Sometimes my writing is not in first person, and it's like God doing the writing.

It seems the busier I get, the less time I make for things like that. And shouldn't it be the opposite? Shouldn't that be the first thing I go to, and put other, non-important things to the side? I'm a work in progress.. so I'm learning.

so here's to writing, to conversations and to creativity. It is good to just let myself be me.

a favorite hobby

I will never forget the first conversation I had with a girl I became friends with on the School of Discipleship program. We were doing one of those get to know you things, and when her and I first started talking we asked the regular questions, name, where you're from etc. and then she asked me what my favorite hobby was. Hmm.. I have a few, singing, music of any kind, photography, reading, being with friends etc. I asked her and she said "well, I have one main hobby. My favorite thing to do in the world is.. exercise."

get out! That does not even rank in my top 50 favorite "hobbies". Nor would I ever classify it as a hobby. Things I do enjoy that could fall into the exercising category (although I don't love doing them till I'm extremely sweaty, which to me is the mark of an awesome work out):

- going for a walk with my hubby, my sisters, my family, or a good friend
- going for a bike ride, especially at the lake
- swimming (although I am a terrible swimmer)
- walking on the treadmill only if I'm watching TV or a movie or something, that way I don't feel too bad about watching tv for so long

I should also admit that I like wearing my exercising clothes or runners around the house because it makes me feel "sportier" than I actually am. for me, the best part about exercising, is looking the part and feeling awesome that I actually made myself go thru with it after.  But that friend of mine.. she genuinely loves exercising. And not to be skinny, or to change how she looks, which I would say is the motivation for a lot of people. But she loves exercising because she just physically enjoys exerting herself like that. She's kinda like a toddler (bear with me, this isn't an insult!) who loves to just run around.. FOR FUN.

I was thinking about her yesterday when I was drinking some water after I had finally convinced myself to do the prenatal pilates video of Leah's that I'm trying out. I did a few of the segments (the video is broken up into a few 10 minute workouts) and had ended working on my buns and thighs (the phrase buns & thighs for some reason makes me have the mental image of richard simmons on the "sweatin to the oldies" vhs that my mom had years ago..). It always feels good to have accomplished something. To feel your muscles ache after working them out, especially muscles you didn't know you had. I stood there thinking how nice it would be to actually consider exercising among my favorite hobbies.

Oh well, at least if it's not my hobby, I get the extra satisfaction of pushing myself to do it, and accomplishing that goal. And who knows, maybe you all won't be able to recognize me in a few months because you'll be thinking "who's that pregnant lady with those amazing buns!"

ya, that'll be me. so for now I'm just giving you a heads up :)

birthdays, colds & rainy days.

spring is here - at least that's how I feel with this rainy day

we got home from our trip to Florida on Friday to a wonderful surprise - all of the snow is gone! It made coming home a little easier, but truthfully, I could've easily stayed for another week or two. Laying by the pool, reading novels, visiting with family, waking up to see Everett & Roger, enjoying 30 + weather. Can't complain :)

However, coming home from Florida was good to, mostly because there is no bed as comfortable as ours at home! We flew home on Friday - my birthday! Nothing like being up and about at 3am on your birthday! The airplane gave me a gift.. a nasty cold. One of the worst I have had in years. I think it was a combination of being up early and needing more sleep, then having the air conditioning and air blowing on me on the plane.. etc. etc. For whatever reason, it was given to me as a gift and it is terrible.

Last night as I was trying to fall asleep I was terrified that I would be unable to breathe at night. My nose was so stuffed up, that if I went to swallow, it was like it closed my soft palate or something, and I kind of choked for a breath. Has that ever happened to anyone?? So I wandered around the house, collecting pillows so I could be nicely propped up. However, after 2 hours of trying to sleep at that angle, I gave up and used some more nasal spray, jammed some kleenex up my nose and hoped that sleep would come. It did.. eventually, but being back at work today has not been pleasant. I could've used a few more hours. And you always know you're looking great when the first thing someone says to you is "oh. are you sick??"

Oh well. In about 20 minutes I'm going to Pineridge Hollow with my dear friend Audrey to celebrate our birthdays. It will be cozy in there as we watch the rain and catch up. My cold won't ruin that!

I'm 27 now. That is very close to 30! It sounds old to me, but also not really at all. I think it only feels old when I think about the fact that Michael is 23. To be honest, I don't really feel a year older. Each year, birthdays seem to be less and less of an "event", in the way it was when I was younger. I also noticed last year when it was my first birthday off of facebook, that when people don't recognize your birthday it feels less like an "event". All of the friends that would've sent me a one line happy birthday message on facebook didn't send me anything because no one (except me I think) uses a calendar. Another sad reality of social networking. I was thinking about it though, as maturely as I could, that the emails and phone calls and texts that I did get on my birthday were from people who genuinely thought of me! And that is actually more special to me than the 100 one line messages I used to get on Facebook because it appeared on people's screens as a reminder that it was my day. I also realized that there are people who's birthdays I don't remember or recognize since I left facebook because we just don't communicate on a regular basis, so it's not that I actually expected (or even hoped) that I would get all of those messages. Is this making sense?? All that to say, I got only a handful of birthday messages and greetings, but each one was personal and meaningful, and I am very thankful for each one.

We celebrated on my actual birthday with our cousins Chris, Emilee & Chloe while watching the jets game and eating pizza & treatzza pizza from DQ. Then Sunday evening was spent with the Thiessen's. Next Friday is my supper/party with my family. I would say my favorite gift around birthdays is just being with family and friends. Anything else is just a bonus. (And I have received some of the best gifts ever thus far...)

Now I am rambling. I blame it on my cold!

In summary: I am a year older - 27 - 3 years away from 30 and happy to be it. I am loving this rainy weather, and would love to be snuggled up reading a book. I am very thankful for family & friends. And I am very much looking forward to my afternoon with Audrey :)

slightly OCD

So I have been realizing lately that I am a bit OCD about somethings.
there are things that I have to do a certain way or just habits that I have created.
Not a big deal, but kind of interesting.

So far none of them are really life altering in a major way, so they are more just quirky I guess..

the first one that comes to mind is this: toilet paper
I am a "over hang" type of toilet paper girl. You know, when you put it on the holder. I like the roll to have the free end hanging over the roll. If it's under, then you are spinning it and not realizing that you're putting all kinds of great toilet paper onto the floor! Also, with my cats, I'm sure they would have a grand time emptying the whole roll (although they feel that way about toilet paper no matter how you hang it). I am so "into" this way of hanging toilet paper that - I will admit - I have, from time to time, changed it if I encounter a roll that is "under". I've done this at work, at stores, gas stations, family members houses and friends houses. So I guess I should formally apologize to anyone who's toilet paper roll I have changed, when they purposefully hung it the other way. It's a bit of an OCD thing...

The next one is this... when I set my alarm at night I am always worried that I'm going to accidentally set it to radio instead of beeping alarm. And I don't wake up to the radio, the song just becomes part of my dream. Also, with my alarm clock, the volume setting that you need to use to hear the radio makes the alarm ear splittingly loud. It is horrible. I have made that mistake and almost made myself deaf. Not a fun way to wake up. So, the button on the side of my alarm clock is like this: OFF - RADIO - ALARM - SET, 4 different spots. So, what I do is this, pull it all the way to the SET position. Double check that it is the right time (even though I almost never change it.. ever) and then I move the button eleven times back and forth until I am SURE it is on ALARM. I have tried not doing it 11 times. But I have developed some what of a rhythm. Every night Michael laughs at me, but I have to do it!! Also, I have to do it right before I go to sleep. If I do it sooner than that, my whole routine is off and I'm sure I must have lost my mind and set it to Radio. So I start the process again. Ridiculous actually...

And third - the one that got me thinking of this post today. I LOVE having an empty inbox. In both my personal email, my work email and my work inbox with mail & to-do things etc. Especially with email - the more full my inbox is, the higher my over all stress level. An empty inbox.. bliss! I leave emails in my inbox only until I have replied to them, or if it's about a date or a get together, I will wait till I go home and write it on the calendar before archiving it. Currently my gmail account has 19 emails in the inbox, one from over a month and a half ago.. and I'm going a little nutty! Good thing life is about more than inboxes, toilet paper and alarms.. right?? :)

Embrace who I am, that's what I figure!

What are your weird habits?

mystery

I have been thinking a lot about my "testimony" lately
there are so few times in life when you really get asked to sit down and tell your whole faith story
When I was younger there were more chances - when I first got baptized and times at camps or retreats.
When I did youth group we regularly did "God talks" as leaders, which included sharing something about our faith journey with our youth kids, and I especially got these opportunities in our small groups.
As an adult I have been asked less - don't get me wrong, I still have opportunities to share my story in small bits, and I'm not actually dying to stand in front of a large group and talk.
When we started our caregroup about 3 years ago we also shared our testimonies to get to know one another on a deeper level.
I started thinking about it because we have been going to our new church (Kilcona) for a year now (time flies) and it is feeling more and more like HOME to us. I have gone alone without Michael - which was a big step for me. When I started feeling more and more disconnected from my previous church home (my church home of 26 years!) I was afraid to go alone. There was one Sunday that Michael was on worship team so we went early so he could practice and I stood in the foyer and realized it wasn't my home anymore. This was based on circumstances and experiences of our own - I am not in anyway putting down that church! There are still tons of people that we love there, and the reality is, it just was time for us to get a fresh start. It was just a huge struggle for me as I realized I was a stranger in what used to be very familiar territory for me.
Attending a new church was hard at first, but we have instantly felt welcomed at Kilcona. It also helps that we have a community there now, with my brother & sister (and my nephews) as well as 2 other couples that we are becoming better friends with all the time.
They have been announcing membership classes at Kilcona recently, and although I'm not sure we're there quite yet this time around I have started thinking about what I would say if asked to do my testimony  when deciding to become members of our new church. I always love hearing testimonies. I love hearing stories of transformation, both radical & subtle. I love hearing stories of God's faithfulness in someones life whether that is over a relatively "easy" life, or one full of huge mountains and valleys. I love hearing why people are passionate about Jesus, and about the church.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that for me to be very honest about my story I have to keep it simple.

My faith journey could really be divided into 2 major life sections thus far. From age 5-23 and 23 & on (I'm almost 27, so basically 4 years). I had the amazing blessing of being born into a very God centred family and home. Both my parents & both sets of grandparents were very visible examples of a life of faith. In elementary school I went to public school and didn't find it strange that some of my friends weren't Christians, it was just who I was. I started singing in the Winnipeg Mennonite Children's Choir when I was 9 and Mrs. Litz's first lesson every year is to teach us the song "God is my Song"

God is my song, in strength he reigns victorious.

High is his name, and all his works are glorious.

Earth, sea, and heaven to him belong. 

She was a huge part of my life, and helped me realize that we are given gifts in life to glorify God, so thats how we should use them. So, singing in choir & at church has always been a huge part of my identity & faith walk ever since. I was also always involved in youth group, bible studies, prayer groups, missions trips and so on. After high school I went on the Outtatown program which stretched my faith because it dragged me out of my comfort zone (with some kicking and screaming if I am being honest). On Outtatown I re-evaluated my use of singing as my main connection with God, feeling like I had just started singing the words without any meaning. I didn't sing for 3 months until I had really worked through some pride & obstacles, and could finally sing fully in honesty.

There weren't that many major struggles in my life that caused me to question or challenge God. Until 2008 when our family was rocked to our cores. I still remember exactly where I was when my mom called to tell me that my first nephew was just delivered but he wasn't breathing. I remember walking to tell my co-worker and stumbling through a fog. I remember yelling at the gas station attendant when he asked me why I was having such a terrible day. I remember feeling total & complete loss & what felt like abandonment. I remember holding the most perfect little baby boy and praying silently through tears that God would show up. I remember sitting in front of the computer listening to the song "lost" over and over again

If roses are meant to be red

And violets to be blue

Why isn't my heart meant for you

My hands are longing to touch you

But I can barely breathe

Starry eyes that make me melt

Right in front of me

Lost in this world 

I even get lost in this song

And when the lights go down

That is where I'll be found

(** I realize this song is likely about a man/woman relationship, but the idea of being lost just fit how I was feeling, and no other song felt quite right that night)

My faith was shaken in a way that I didn't expect it could be. I would cry all the time, and it was very lonely. People who were well meaning would say things that felt like they were punching me in the gut. Things about God's timing. God not giving us more than we can handle. God working out all things for his purpose. Extreme grief isn't something that can be fixed with simple faith solutions, and that was really hard for me. I had to re-evaluate things because I realized that for me, faith was pretty easy because I didn't have anything really challenging it. (for the record: I don't think God did this to us, especially not to teach us something. I think that our world is not perfect and death is a painfully bitter reality of it. But I do believe that God redeems pain.)

When I had no words to pray or to explain to people I would just sing alone, or play the piano. A friend of mine & I put together a worship night of songs around the theme of lament at one point, and those songs were often my prayers. 

Here is where the "keep it simple" part comes in. One of the songs became the reconnection for me, of my faith before we lost Jay, and my ongoing faith now. It is called "Mystery" by Charlie Hall:

Sweet Jesus Christ my sanity

Sweet Jesus Christ my clarity

Bread of Heaven, broken for me

Cup of salvation, held out to drink

Jesus, mystery

Christ has died and Christ is risen

Christ will come again

Celebrate His death & rising

Lift your eyes, proclaim His coming

Celebrate His death & rising

Lift your eyes, lift your eyes!

That was it. As simple as that. When all else feels like it fails me, when people say the wrong thing, when I stop feeling at home somewhere, when everything is crumbling (or so it feels) there is one truth. One solid thing to hold onto.

Christ died. Christ is risen. Christ will come again. 

My faith in some ways is new, because I have had to rely on God in ways I never did before. But in other ways, at the core, I still hold true to the one truth that is Jesus that I have always known. Things are not magically "easy" now, I am still full of struggle & times of doubt & other trials. I still have to keep my mind as centred on Christ as possible or I can have times where I'm overwhelmed with grief & our loss. I could try to explain my faith in fancy ways now, but it is basically all about that one truth - trying to live life in light of that, with constant hope & expectation and total faith in Jesus. The key words: trust & trying. and holding onto one simple truth. 

stories of cabbage soup

i have two things on my mind currently. well 3 actually.

1. how much my neck hurts
2. seasonal affective disorder
3. food seniors like

quite the variety hey?

1. how much my neck hurts is the thing least on my mind of the 3. but it's there. i slept funny on Sunday night, spent Monday laying down, was a bit better on Tuesday and then kept me up all night last night. well, I slept in little pockets. I woke up multiple times to either go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. One time I also woke up because I had a cat sleeping across my throat! And one time because of a ridiculous dream. But each time it was hard to lift my head off my pillow because my muscles feel so strained. Laying down doesn't really seem to help, but I have yet to master sleeping in the standing position. anyway, moving on.

2. seasonal affective disorder:

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is episodes of depression that occur at a certain time of the year, usually during winter.

People who live in places with long winter nights are at greater risk for SAD.

Symptoms usually build up slowly in the late autumn and winter months. Symptoms are usually the same as with depression:

• Increased sleep and daytime sleepiness
• Less energy and ability to concentrate in the afternoon
• Loss of interest in work or other activities
• Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
• Social withdrawal
• Unhappiness and irritability

Now I was reading about SAD in a magazine the other day. I have been off of my antidepressants for a good few months now and I have been feeling good. There are little bouts of struggle, but along with being on anti-depressants I think I learned a few other things that help me - being around family & a few "safe" friends, exercising, spending lots of time with Michael, spending time at home and with my cats (sounds crazy, but i really do love them, and they provide great companionship), bubblebaths and doing things I like/hobbies: cooking, baking, photography, stampin' etc., Prayer, church and being honest about where I am at. I don't feel the same as I did last year when I finally went to see someone about the depression I was in. But there are definitely more glimpses of the "symptoms" of SAD than I would openly want to admit.

The one that I struggle with most is social withdrawal. feeling unlike myself doesn't make me want to see more people, it makes me want to keep to myself. But the more I keep to myself, the more I build up the worry about seeing other people. For me, it's a vicious cycle. But for me, I have a good handful of safe friends that I can be myself entirely around. And I have great family! (and 2 nephews that are the best pick-me-up ever!) It is hard though, to try and explain to people why I don't seem to ever get together with anyone. It is hardly ever personal! (99% of the time!) But then again, all of my 'safe' friends don't really question that (at least not openly to me) so I shouldn't worry about the rest. 

I find that the more honest I am that I'm still struggling helps a lot. Even good stress is stress, and sometimes it may be effects of SAD and other times it may just be stress that is part of regular life. I try to just take life one day at a time! I am feeling very much like myself though, which is very different from last winter, and I don't take that for granted.

3. food seniors like

once a month the seniors at the church I work at get together for a "friendship group lunch". I love the seniors of this church. I have gotten to know most of them better than anyone else in the church (most other age groups aren't in the church building during the week in the daytime). They always stop to chat and always have nothing but kind things to say. I also love that they call it "friendship group lunch". I look forward to being a senior! (i'm in no rush, I just hope that I like it as much as I anticipate liking it!) 

anyway, back to the point. Every month they have the same thing, with just a slight change. Every month it is soup, a bun and some type of platz. Now, I love a good bowl of soup, but so far all of the soups have been cabbage with a few other things and spices to change it up. But every month, there it is again, cabbage soup. Reminds me of Charlie & the Chocolate factory, and how Charlies family survives on Cabbage Soup. Not my favorite. Plus, all morning it smelled like lasagna, and then.. it was cabbage soup with a few kidney beans! But, they share with me every time so I'm not really complaining.

I just wonder, do you get to a certain age where you crave cabbage soup & platz? I love baking, and I never feel the desire to bake platz. Is that "sacrilegious" as a mennonite to say that?? I enjoy a piece of platz once and awhile, but every time? Maybe I should create a suggestion box so I can put a suggestion in it once and awhile. A good coffee cake to offset the cabbage soup. no? just me??

anyway, that is my mind this afternoon. Now to run some errands and go to school, while trying to keep my neck as still as possible!

let's call a crafter a crafter.

as I have said in a previous post, pinterest has become one of my favourite things
it's so fun to organize all the wonderful things I find on the internet & to see what other people have been browsing & pinning.

I am a big fan of crafts & anything DIY (do-it-yourself) - I think that is also why I love baking & cooking, because it's all kinda crafty & its fun to experiment.

I have tried not to spend too much of my 'pinning' time on items that I want to BUY because Michael & I are trying to be wise with our money & also, it's quite easy to become greedy! so instead, I've been looking for ideas for our new house, DIY projects & recipes. however, this has presented a new, unanticipated (for me) semi-problem

comparing!

I have been browsing some wonderful blogs. Blogs written by women that I think I could be friends with (they seem so creative & interesting), women that are incredibly gifted, creating recipes from scratch & coming up with wonderful home-made ideas. Sometimes I feel just like a copy cat of sorts.

I find that if I spend too much time thinking about it, it makes me think that I'm not creative or crafty or skilled.. all of which I know to be untrue! (not to toot my own horn, but let's call a crafter a crafter!) why is it so easy to see other peoples skills as a personal weakness...?? frustrating!

so, I'm ending my ridiculous pity party before it officially starts. i mean, I'm in a card club for crying out loud! that is crafty!! :)

on a much different note.. in just over 12 hours I will be meeting the newest klassen baby, and I will be an auntie for the 3rd time. I can hardly sleep I am so excited. I am excited to see what everett will think of his new sibling. i am very confident that Everett will instantly love this new baby.

being an auntie is the best!

ev's 2nd birthday, i made him tractor* cupcakes (*iced like grass with tractor pictures on sticks, they were cute!) 

just hanging out, playing with his new toys in his elmo pj's from moi 

this was christmas, ev & I were hanging out, eating chocolate cheerios

being me?

ever feel like you're stuck between two worlds?
sometimes i feel young, like I am just on the cusp of so many new beginnings
and other times I find myself feeling older than my 26 years

I guess I am somewhat of a mixture of the two
just sometimes i feel like i should spend a lot of time explaining myself rather than just being myself. however, that could likely just be my own insecurity.

with the new year about to start in just a couple of days i've been thinking about the idea of resolutions. some years i've made more "extreme" resolutions (one year i didn't eat fries, chocolate or drink pop for the whole year... the year was not as tasty as it could be!!) and other years i don't even give it a second thought to even contemplate making any. this year i'm thinking, maybe i should make a resolution to find ways to just be me - to enjoy it and to grow in confidence.

i'm feeling like this is making more sense in my head...

time for bed!

on a different note.. my husband is the world greatest drummer.
super talented & just loves playing. watching him makes me smile the whole time. he is great!

on the verge of an opera induced breakdown!

ok it's official
i'm on the verge of a school induced stress meltdown
today i feel like I could cry about anything and everything!
tomorrow is the dreaded exam and I just have not put as much work and time into it as I should
I find it very hard to pour hours & hours into something that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, BUT, I also want to do well.
right now I'm feeling overwhelmed at the fact that I will be up till the wee hours tonight studying, and then again in the morning. Michael is driving me to my exam so that I can keep studying in the car on the way there, and also so we can go on a date afterward
tomorrow evening I will be school free (until January!)
I will be attempting to appeal the music course that I'm signed up for next semester, and if that goes my way.. I will only have 1 biology course left (I have never been so excited about biology in my life. mainly due to the fact that it's not a music history course)
I don't think I'd be as stressed if my exam didn't require me being able to know:
45 songs (he plays a 30 second clip and then you have to know the name, composer, year, genre & 4 musical things about it)
129 terms & composers (you need to know 4 things about each)
and then an essay (8 potential topics, 4 will be on the exam & you have to write 1) the essay requires 25 points, however, if you don't mention something that he would have.. you won't get full marks, so it also requires some slight mind reading skills.

ah. and he hasn't given our marks back for our presentations or papers... so I really have no clue where I'm at (so far I know that I have 22.5% out of a potential 30 (from past tests)...

i'm looking forward to next week. to reading for fun. to cleaning my house. to spending time with michael that doesn't include my notes & text books. to finishing christmas shopping & prep. to blogging & catching up on friends blogs. to being at starbucks & mountain bean for fun & not for memorizing facts. to relaxing!

right now this is life at our house:

 my cat supervises my studying. i know I've successfully studied for hours when he comes & lays directly on my notes. he does not appreciate being neglected!

multiple blankets. heating pads. lap tables. and notes. everywhere.

I have 27 1/2 hours until I write the exam. so.. in less than 30 hours I will be back to normal. I suppose I can handle that...

food for thought.

i have been thinking a lot lately about how we approach, read & "accept" the bible
do we take it at face value?
do we interpret it?
do we pick & choose what to believe?
do we pick & choose what is "literal" and what is "symbolic" or a "suggestion"?

I am taking a course at CMU this semester called "The Problem of Evil in a Biblical Perspective" but really it should be called, the "class of questions, debates and opinions" and that is both a good thing and a frustrating thing. I realize that it is quite hard to definite terms like "evil" because it can be quite subjective, also, some things don't seem "evil" when compared to something else that is much worse. Also, there are so many different circumstances, situations and opinions to consider. For me, what ever is not from God is evil. God created EVERYTHING. but sin.. that is not God. But then we run into the question, well, what defines SIN. it is strange how something can be so simple yet so complicated.

I think it is good to learn things, and to have debates and to experience things that challenge your faith. it helps make it stronger and helps me to really figure out exactly what I believe. But, at the same time, I really struggle when having conversations with other Christians, who take the bible to mean something totally different than I do. For example, I realized this week (in more than one situation) that people believe that Genesis is a myth. a nice story, but not truth. and not only that, but some people also think that Job is a myth and that Jonah is a myth. what? that just doesn't sit right with me.

genesis starts with "in the beginning" it doesn't start with "heres a nice story" or "once upon a time". This is God's word, and if we can pick and choose which books of the bible are "true" and which are "myths", then what makes us think that any of it is true?

my teacher explained in class that in some ways, Genesis is a "myth" (to which my jaw dropped open and I was already mentally preparing my email to the advisory board at the school..) but then he went on. In a "literary" way, yes, Genesis is a myth. Because a "myth" used to mean a story that was used to make a point, as in, the point was God created everything, but Genesis doesn't include a detailed time line (for instance, how long was adam in the garden before he actually met Eve? how long did it take him to name all the animals? how many years passed before A & E ate the apple? where did the other people come from - cain's wife - etc.) the details aren't the important part. so yes, in a literary term, Genesis can fall under the category of myth. But, now a days, myth is used for "mythology" or stories, or untrue fables. and some people are lumping that together with how they view Genesis. I just really struggle with all of that from other Christians. We are reading the same book, we are serving the same God... how do we come to such a different conclusion?

I also had a conversation with a girl named Kat this week.. and she & I began talking about Genesis (through no prompting of my own.. seems like God has just been bringing it all up in different conversations around me) and she made a point that I had never thought about before. In genesis it says that God took Adam and placed him in the garden, to work in it and care for it. But, "working" in that sense was not the same as the way we "work" now (one of the differences since the fall). Kat pointed out to me that Adam was in charge of tending to this place of meeting, this holy sanctuary so to speak. Adam was in charge of caring for it, because that is where God came and met with him. Not only met with him, but WALKED with him through the garden. God put Adam there to care for their meeting place, their hang out. how cool, that Adam has such an intimate relationship with God - they just hung out together! I love it. And, through my own experience of relationship with God.. and how real it is, it makes it even harder for me to believe that God "made up" those intimate relationships with Adam and Job.

Food for thought I suppose...