5 months!

I can hardly believe it that it has already been 5 months since my favorite person in the world was born!!

Her 5 month collage is a wee bit late since we are busy moving and adjusting to life these days. 

But better late than never!

Again, click on the picture to make it bigger so you can read all about her these days. The measurements are approximate - I attempted to measure her height with a tape measure while she stood on the table, and her weight - well, there was a bit of a mishap with the scale - long story short, the scale may not be stable enough to hold a baby that doesn't just lay still all the time. haha. So.. approximate!

Baby Formula: Perks and tips from a proud formula mom.

I am a formula using mom. Figured I should just get that out there at the start of this post.

When I became pregnant I did a lot of reading, reading about pregnancy, about my baby's development, about infant care, sleeping "techniques", and a lot about breast feeding. I had of course heard the (much overused in my opinion) familiar proclamation that BREAST IS BEST, and found that many of the books that I took out of the library weren't actually so much about breast feeding, but rather loved to do "formula bashing".

I personally felt that breast feeding would be best for me. I figured it made sense to use the milk my body produced, that it would be a way to bond with my baby, that it was natural, mostly convenient, and, well, it was free! (What Mennonite girl doesn't love something that is free?!)

When my sweet girl Matilda was coming into this world we both needed some assistance and so she was delivered by emergency c-section. Afterwards we were taken to recovery, and within a very short time Matilda was given to me for her first official breast milk meal. She had a good, strong latch. I felt confident and natural. This continued over the next few days in the hospital. I recognized her cues and was able to provide for her. The nurses often would tell me that they were so happy that she was such a natural.

Well, we came home and things weren't so great! My colostrum was gone and it was time for the milk to take its place. I was nursing Matilda for an hour and then an hour later she was screaming again. She had to fall asleep nursing or she was up screaming. A lot of tears were shed by both Matilda and I.

My home care nurse came and it was confirmed that my milk had not come in, in full. My sweet girl was starving and needed food fast. The first time we gave her formula, she was gulping it down and afterward I had my sweet, content baby back.

Logically this should have been the point where I said, "ok, we will just use formula", however here is where I feel the struggle begin. Everything I read echoed in my head - BREAST IS BEST! I was also constantly hearing a voice in my head saying, "low milk supply is a myth" since I had heard that pretty much as often as I heard breast is best. At our prenatal classes our teacher told us that we just had to get through the first 7 days of breastfeeding and then everything would fall into a nice rhythm. But - I was struggling. I was losing my confidence and I was an emotional mess! One day at my parents place I couldn't stop crying, and even my sweet nephew said "why is auntie so sad??". I was thankful to have a few friends who also used formula - and who quickly replied to my email asking them to tell me why they chose to do formula and what their experience was with it.

I came to realize that a lot of people ask about how you feed your baby - and a lot of people will try and make you feel badly that you're feeding your baby formula. I'm not totally sure why people think that is ok - or that it's really any of their business! What every baby needs is love and attention - meaning a mom and dad and other family to meet their needs. A baby doesn't care if you feed them breast milk or formula - but they can tell if you are stressed and anxious in the process. Once we switched to formula, I was a happy mom, and I had a happy content baby. This doesn't mean that I think everyone should use formula, it just means that I'm a firm believer in people minding their own business, and just telling the mom that she is doing a great job caring for her baby! I was offered some suggestions of things I could do - groups I could go to, pills I could take, etc. etc. But the best advise I got was from my friend who told me PUT THAT BABY ON FORMULA AND GET YOUR SANITY BACK!! She could see that it wasn't about what baby needed, it was about how BFing was making me lose my mind. It was also so helpful to have family that just told me they supported me as a mom no matter what I chose.

So, 5 months later - I have decided to write this post about formula and about how it is working for us. My hope is that some other mom who is struggling will find this when she is doing a google search - and that she will see some hope in her situation - not just a bunch of websites and forums telling her that she is failing as a mom. You can be the best mom regardless of how you feed your baby. Loving your baby is most important - and loving your baby means giving them what they need - food and a sane mom :)

I realize this is already quite long, but I made a list of the PERKS of formula (as well as some of our "tips" to using formula) and I want to post my list. I will be clear again that this isn't me in any way saying formula is better than breastfeeding or vice versa. There is a long list of perks for breastfeeding and so this is in no way a comparison list - it is just something for the other formula moms out there to feel encouraged!!

- With formula you can share the responsibility of feeding - you can decide to just do it yourself, or to let your spouse take a turn, and even let other family members like grandparents and aunties help.
- You can do it anywhere without having to worry about covering up your body - which is mostly a perk for those people who would be uncomfortable nursing in public. I realize that isn't everyone, but it is definitely some people!
-You can leave baby with a babysitter and go on DATES! Or even just run errands and let baby stay in the comfort of home - plus it helps build relationship with baby and other family members since they get some time alone together!

- One-on-one daddy & baby time! Every morning Michael gets up with Matilda when she wakes up for the day. He feeds her, and she plays while he makes his lunch and drinks his coffee. He then puts her down for her first nap and leaves for work - all the while, I am still asleep! Since he is gone working for most of the day,  it is really awesome that they get to spend time together just the 2 of them, and on the mornings when he has to be up and gone before she is - she gives me this look, like "you aren't dad!" when I get up with her. They are very close and Michael is able to be a very hands-on dad!
- Formula takes longer to digest than breastmilk, which means baby sleeps longer stretches sooner, and also poops less! (on the downside, formula poop stinks - so that one diaper makes up for the 5-6 that breastfeeding babes have! - in my opinion!! haha)
- It is a solution for the emotionally exhausted mom who is trying to breast feed but doesn't make enough milk (or any!)

Here are tips that Michael and I think are worth sharing:
- pre-fill all your bottles with water at the start of the day - it makes it easier to make a bottle quickly if your baby gets as impatient as mine ;)
-refrigerate any left overs and use at the next feeding! (this was one of the best pieces of advise I received, since before that I would almost cry as I watched sometimes almost full bottles going down the drain with my money...) "Throwing it out" is just a recommendation by the company to sell more formula and thus make more money. You do however need to throw it out if you forgot to put it in the fridge between feedings.
- you don't HAVE TO make it in 60mL portions. We are currently filling our bottles with 150ml of water and 2 1/2 scoops of formula - they make the scoop rounded so you have less confidence about "eye-balling" it - but you figure out what half of the scoop is - a tiny bit more or less won't hurt baby.
- don't force baby to finish the bottle. Breastfeeding moms don't know how much (in volume) baby eats and that is ok! But when you have it in a bottle, you feel like you need to decide how much baby is eating, since one day she will guzzle a full bottle and the next time maybe only 60 ml! Baby knows when to stop. If I push Matti to finish her bottle - it comes back up eventually...
- before shaking the bottle, swirl it around - it helps the powder and water mix a bit - keeping it from bunching up in the nipple
- let Dad do feeds! He is just as capable as mom - sometimes he just needs a little encouragement at first to build confidence
- just because anyone CAN feed your baby doesn't mean you HAVE to let them. In some circumstances it may be best for mom (or dad) to do the feed - if that is your instinct - follow it! Baby will be thankful.
- just because you CAN feed anywhere (like in the middle of a noisy family gathering) doesn't mean you should. Baby gets so distracted and also it is a nice excuse to sneak away and spend some quiet time together
- Some formulas (like Nestle Good Start - which is what we use) - will make your babies poop a dark, army green, almost black color. People WILL ask you if your baby is ok. Poop can be any color - the most important thing is if it is a different color randomly - then that could be a problem, but because of the iron in formula, the poop is often quite dark.
- Don't feel like you have to buy the formula with more added things (like omega etc). The formula with added omega just causes constipation over here with my babe, they don't sell formula that will malnourish your baby, and if you are wondering about a formula - write down the ingredients (or bring in a tin) and show it to your pediatrician - they are there to answer your questions!
- Price does not determine if a formula is better or not! Sometimes it just has to do with brand name. Use whatever formula works for your baby - if it happens to be the cheapest one out there - lucky for you!!
- If a formula is working - DON'T SWITCH!! The ingredients are essentially the same, but even the slightest change can majorly affect baby. If you are worried about cost - try the cheapest one first! We started with Good Start and then tried to switch to a cheaper one, but she is used to good start, so the switch caused constipation, bad sleeping and a lot of crying.
- Just because one formula works for one mom doesn't mean it will work for you! (We made the switch because someone I know swore by this other formula - but like I said, it didn't work for us!)
- the liquid & concentrated formula is too expensive for daily use! But it is nice to have at the grandparents house if they want to keep formula on hand - it is a nice treat and the powder has to be used within 30 days of opening - which isn't much time if you just use it occasionally on visits!
- playtex vent-aire bottles changed our world - if baby seems to struggle at all during feeds - try a new bottle. We highly recommend them! (Matti switched to the fast flow nipples at 3 months. We never used the medium flow ones. Standard size is perfect for us. Wide is good if you are doing both breast and bottle.)
- don't offer bottle when baby is sleepy - they use it as a pacifier and then cry because formula is coming out - and if your baby is like Matilda - you will get a hearty dose of spit up afterward.

Most important:
- BE CONFIDENT in your choice to do formula and let other moms be confident in their choice of how they feed.
- The only thing that matters is that baby is fed & happy and that mom is sane :)

OK - long enough! Hopefully this will be helpful to someone - the advise of other formula moms was hugely helpful to me. So - to those moms (you know who you are!) THANK YOU. You helped me when I needed it most.

Here's to happy babies everywhere!

purples & pinks

a few months ago I posted some black & white pictures of our nursery
we knew we were having a sweet girl
but we weren't telling yet!

I had friends study the pictures
trying to decide what shades the baskets were
and guessing the colors of the walls
it was a fun secret to keep!

but now, this sweet little peanut is 3 weeks old

 so I decided to post pictures of her nursery since I said I would eventually show color ones for those who cared about the black & white ones!

So here it is:

 this is on her door

 i made those tissue pompoms the day I found out I was having a girl :)

 the quilt lovingly made by Granny (my mom)

 my glider and the blanket on the back was made by Grandma (Mike's mom)

 the most used piece of furniture in her room - the change table, so. many. diapers.

how we became 3!

today my sweet girl is 2 weeks old! she is bigger and happier and healthier than she was a week ago. she has chubby cheeks and a cute double chin. she has a low voice and she snores when she's having a good sleep. she likes being swaddled, being held up on your shoulder or skin to skin on your chest. She loves being bounced on the exercise ball. She has a mind of her own. She takes a soother pretty minimally, and when she is done with it - she shoots it pretty far! She's a good eater, a big pooper, and she loves to snuggle. This is a little mini overview of my sweet daughter!

I decided to write out her birth story and to post it on here. It's pretty long and somewhat detailed, so read it if you wish! For those who don't feel like reading my mini-novel, I thought I'd also post some pictures so you can again see just how cute she is. Also, I promise to one day write about something else again, but I think it's pretty good that I'm even finding time to sit down and write and all I think about these days is her so.. why not :)

If you want to read her birth story, just scroll down to the bottom. Otherwise, here are some pictures!

 our family of 3

 this is how she hangs out with Dad in the evenings. 

 in an outfit - on her way to her first doctors appointment

 very alert after a good supper - so she spends time checking out her Dad :)

and a good snuggle and burping with mom :)

Matti's birth story:

November 14, 2012

My sweet daughter - Matilda Joy Thiessen was born today at 3:58am, weighing 8 lbs 3 oz, 20 inches long. It was quite the journey.

Last Saturday, November 10, pre-labor was really underway. I lost my mucus plug on Thursday (November 8) and had the start of “bloody show” on Saturday. Sunday morning I was up at 1am with regular contractions, so at 4 am I woke Michael up and called my parents. We got to the hospital for 5am and I was hooked up to the monitors by 5:30am. Contractions were 3 minutes apart and 1 minute long, but they were not considered “strong enough” and I was only 2cm dilated - so I was sent home. I was so disappointed and felt silly that I made everyone get up! I spent the day with my Mom, and Michael went out to clear snow. Nothing changed enough to go back. 

Monday was spent at home with my Mom and contractions were stronger but not super close together anymore.  Went to sleep and they had started to get stronger. I could barely sleep because they hurt so much. At 6am I woke up Michael and decided to just lay back down in bed for a while and then the contractions slowed down again.  Mom came over around 9:30 and the 3 of us went to my doctor’s appointment. She said I was now 4-5cm and that she figured she’d see me later that day since she was the on-call doctor and really thought I’d be giving birth. She did a very intense internal & membrane sweep which really had things hurting. 

We went to the Forks and the 3 of us got smoothies and walked laps for over an hour. My contractions were getting stronger and I kept having to stop to lean on something about every 5 minutes. We stopped and had some lunch and then walked a little more, then decided to go to the hospital. When we got there they checked me into triage and the nurse put me on the monitor and doppler. She did an internal and said that she wouldn’t say I was 4-5 but rather closer to 3-4, but since my doctor put me at 4-5, she would just say “unchanged.” She told us to walk around the hospital for an hour and then check back in. So, the 3 of us did laps of St. Boniface and went back upstairs an hour later. 

My doctor happened to be in triage so she came and checked me and also said I was unchanged (but said she would definitely say I was still 4-5). She said we should reassess in 2 hours - so I could go home or walk around St. B some more. She asked me what I would prefer and I told her that if they sent me home I’d probably just cry - and then I started to cry and couldn’t stop! My doctor is very kind and compassionate and calmed me down and told me to stay, walk, eat and get re-checked in 2 hours. 

So we went to the triage waiting room where Mike and Mom could watch TV, read etc, and I just walked laps of that room. The contractions were constantly getting stronger and closer together. They brought me some food & Auntie Ingrid came up to say hello. They took me back in at 6pm and the nurse thought I was forsure 5cm, so she would admit me. She also said I was flushed and it looked like I was dehydrated, so she put me on an IV. Mom and Michael came in and I told them I was being admitted. We were all relieved.

My contractions were getting stronger and around 6:35 we heard an audible “POP” and my water broke! It was unbelievable how much water there was, I was soaked! So we got up and they helped me clean up and I was moved to an LDRP (Labour Delivery Recovery Postpartum) room. They got me settled in to the room and I met my first nurse, Noreen. They got me an exercise ball and it felt good to sit on it through some contractions, but my water continued to gush out - which meant the baby was still higher up and moving down during contractions, forcing out more water. 

The contractions were more painful than I ever imagined they could be. It helped the most if I could lean on Michael and hug him super tight and have my Mom putting pressure on my lower back. I also would hold their hands and squeeze them so hard, I thought I might break them! Michael said he didn’t know I was so strong.

The most pain was in my low back and it turns out Matilda was “sunnyside up” so her head was grinding on my spine and pelvic bone with each contraction. When a contraction would hit, I would feel like I needed to crawl out of my skin or stretch my legs as far as possible to avoid the pain. Michael and Mom were so good at reminding me to take deep slow breaths, in through my nose and out through my mouth. 

I was so exhausted (I had been up since 4am on Tuesday) that I couldn’t really think straight and couldn’t really talk. I would just stick my hand out when a contraction started and Mom & Michael would come hold them. The nurses were noticing that Matilda’s heart rate wasn’t doing great with each contraction, and they wanted to monitor her constantly, but that meant me laying in the bed so they asked if they could put a scalp monitor on her head - I said yes of course.

They also noticed that my contractions were “coupling” - I would have 2 back to back with basically no pause and then a few minutes of relief. I was having back labour and was so exhausted. The resident came in and checked me and I still wasn’t very dilated - so she said they’d likely have to give me oxytocin - but that would give me even more intense contractions. I asked Noreeen to tell me all the medication options (I had researched them ahead of time, but it was hard to think straight!) It was too late for Morphine (which I didn’t want) but I could get Fentanyl, laughing gas, or the epidural. I had heard that not much helps with back labour, but the epidural numbs it the most. I was debating it... and after a couple more exhaustingly painful contractions, Michael asked if he could please make the call for me to get the epidural - so I said yes gladly.

The resident came in to give me the epidural. It was so hard to sit still through each contraction. After 3 tries with the epidural, she was unsuccessful and had to call the attendant. It felt like the longest wait ever! (Mom said it was about an hour until they were done the epidural.) But once it was actually in I started to feel relief. I still felt the contractions, but they were less intense, more like when I was in the triage waiting room. I could now rest a bit and I was dozing off between contractions. Michael helped me walk to the bathroom  and I was cracking jokes - so he knew I was feeling better. 

The nurses changed shifts and I now had Taras and Sam. Sam was a grad nurse, so Taras was training her - which was actually super helpful since she was explaining everything to Sam and we could listen in. Taras told me that she would always be honest with me and if there was something she was concerned about, she would say it. And that if there were concerns, she may just tell me to do something without explaining it and then explain it later once there was less concern. So I really felt comfortable with her and like I could trust her. 

The epidural wasn’t getting rid of my back labour, so Taras suggested we up the dose, which would numb me so much that I would not be able to get up and walk at all. I said that was ok, so they increased my dose. 

Dr. Dzikowski (my doctor) came in to do an internal and to see how things were progressing. She said I was about 6-7 cm - she also said that Matilda had flipped and was now face down - so things were going to move along. But then everything changed.

It’s kind of a blur to me, but they put an oxygen mask on me and I remember Taras saying to me, “move onto the stretcher!!” but I had just been given my new epidural dose, so moving wasn’t easy and I was confused and scared. They said Matilda wasn’t handling contractions (her heartrate would go down with each contraction) and that after the internal her heartrate had dropped (it was normally around 150 beats per minute and it dropped to 90) and wasn’t recovering - so I was being rushed to the operating room. 

When we got to the OR, Matilda’s heart rate was back up a bit, but still not good during contractions. The doctor watched her for a bit longer and just was not happy with how she was coping. The doctor told me a few options but everything was a blur and Michael wasn’t allowed in yet and I was just crying and saying to my doctor, “I just want her out” and the doctor was holding my hand saying, “I do too.” Sam (my nurse) was also there, and kept holding my hand and saying, “It’s Sam - I’m here for you” which was really reassuring.

The doctor did one more internal and then said, “lets try pushing” - so they bent my legs, held my feet, told me to breathe in, put my chin down and push - so I did and then Dr. Dzikowski said, “Ok - let’s just get her out!!” - so she had me sign a waiver and they had Michael change into scrubs. At this point my nurses had to leave - Taras came over to me and asked me what we were naming our daughter, so I told her “Matilda Joy” and she said “that’s beautiful. She will be here so soon.” She had to leave and I just cried and cried. 

They finally brought Michael in - he was so nervous and scared when he was waiting - not knowing what was happening. They got me all prepped for surgery and Michael sat at my head. They put up the drape - increased my epidural medication and started surgery.

A few minutes later (and a lot of pressure and what felt like them pushing and pulling me around) they pulled Matilda out. Then I heard the most beautiful sound - loud crying and screaming of my little girl! She sounded like a screeching cat! Michael got to go over and hold her and he brought her over to where I was so I could look at her. She was so beautiful! She had a little ridge on her head where she was sitting in the birth canal. She has Michael’s chin and my lips. She is so cute and perfect. She weighs 8lbs 3oz and is 20 inches long. She was born at 3:58am.

Michael got to hold her while they finished my surgery. I felt such relief. My whole body was shaking and I suddenly felt very nauseated. I ended up having to just turn my head and throw up in a little container - Michael was holding Matilda in one hand and the dish in the other - lovely! They then moved us into recovery where they let me finally hold her skin to skin and we started breastfeeding. She had a natural latch. 

Mom got to come in and see her and we told her the name - Matilda Joy, after Mom. Mom cried and said “really??”. Mom then went back to wait with Dad, Mom & Dad T, Phoebe & Donovan - they had all been there since the evening before! Once they finally moved me to a postpartum room, Dad snuck up to meet her.

Everyone followed soon after (around 8am). We had so many visitors and eventually we were going home (Friday, November 16). The first week was hard. Matilda lost 13.5% of her birthweight - so we had to supplement with formula. The public health nurse was a day late receiving my referral - so our first time at home was rough - up constantly, crying and feeding. I spent a lot of time crying. My milk supply did not come in and we had to make the decision to do what is best for Matilda, which is formula. We have had a happy and content baby ever since. Michael is such a wonderful Dad and stepped into his role right from the moment she was born - he is smitten. 

We are in love and we are so thankful for our sweet Matilda Joy!

kissable

there's no time to write these days... too busy kissing these cheeks & soaking up her cuteness!

announcing our sweet new arrival!

well - last time I wrote - I was looking more like this:

and now I'm sitting here looking at this: 

my sweet girl - Matilda Joy Thiessen is finally here!

Born Wednesday morning, November 14 at 3:58am

Weighing 8 pounds 3 ounces

20 inches long

 last night was our first night at home with Matti - and, well we survived! my sweet girl seems to be some what of a cluster feeder every now and then - so she & I are figuring out our routine and Michael is spending lots of quality snuggling time with her when she's not nursing. 

 I am so in love with this little bundle! And I am so thankful for her safe arrival - with a lot of help from Michael, my mom, my nurses and my doctor - who decided to step in and do an emergency c-section (I will write out her birth story eventually and put it on here)

 I know I will write more about her in the next little while, but right now I need to go get a few things done before she's ready to eat again!! And in the mean time I'll just stare at her sweet sleeping face!!

Matilda Joy - Welcome home - you are so loved!

a walk in the park

my wonderful friend Dionne sent me the rest of the photos that she took of us at the beginning of October! Since I'm STILL pregnant and can't post pictures of the baby yet, I figured I'd post these and share the work of my talented friend with all of you :)

happy halloween!

I realized today that I had neglected to buy and carve a pumpkin so..

here's my pumpkin!

happy halloween - I'm secretly hoping to go into labour in the next half hour so I can turn off my lights and eat all my candy myself.. :)

soon there will be 3

at the beginning of the month my dear friend Dionne took some maternity pictures for Michael & I - she is wonderful & talented and we are so thankful that she took these for us.

she sent me these as a preview and then she'll be giving me the rest

i love them already - thank you D! <3

the end of a chapter

It's 2:20pm and I'm sitting here at my office desk for the last time! Today is my last day before my 1 year maternity leave starts (well technically I have some holidays next week so my first day of mat-leave will be November 1).

I have had a countdown going on my little sudoku desk calendar - and today it looks like this:

I have trained my replacement, I have created a very thorough manual, I have received numerous well wishes and some generous gifts, and today I went out for lunch with my co-workers for a delicious Empress of China buffet.

Looking at the date I can't help but think about when I first got this job - I was hired in mid-October of 2010 but didn't start until November - it was a hard time to start a job as 2 years ago tomorrow, one of the dearest people in my life went to heaven - my dear sweet Grandma Klassen. I started this job when I was in a time of deep loss and sadness, and now - 2 short years later, I am leaving this job in a time of much excitement, anticipation and a new little life!

I am thankful for this job that I have had over 2 years - I feel like it was a wonderful place for me, working with great people and really finding ways to use my gifts and talents - especially in things that normally aren't as "exciting" to people - like organizing and doing "menial" office tasks - but I love those things and it helps me thrive, and from the many comments & affirmations I have received - other people notice and appreciate it. It has been fun to work so close to home and to have weekly dates with my Mom-in-law, and have pop by lunches with Michael when he is working in the city. I have had coffee dates with my mom and Phoebe and have had a few "going for coffee"s with Everett, Leah & Rogie. I will miss being here - but I am sooo excited that having this "last day" means we are really just playing the waiting game to when this little one decides to make its debut.

My bags are packed, my office is cleaned out, and now we just wait in anticipation!

our baby will be so cute :)

so maybe this is a vain post - but hey - I was looking through baby pictures of both Michael & I and we were both pretty cute - so how cute is our baby going to be!!

It makes me so excited to imagine what features it will have of mine and what features it will have of Michaels. Either way, I know we will think it is the cutest baby of all time :)

Here are alternating pictures of Michael and I as kids: