I was thinking of alternate titles for this post, and the other one that seemed to fit best was: freedom, my grandma & my pregnancy... so that will be my other working title :)
I am officially in the middle of my 5th month of pregnancy, on Thursday I will officially be 21 weeks. We have had our mid-pregnancy ultrasound, which was amazing (and I am fortunate enough to get a second one next week - the baby wouldn't cooperate & give us some good pictures of their heart, so we had a second ultrasound scheduled 2 weeks later in hopes that this baby will move from it's current breech position). We have set up the nursery, gender specific. We have had a "gender reveal" party to those we are telling (our parents & siblings only). I have felt the baby move, my cats have a weird 6th sense that they know I'm pregnant (I'm convinced of this, and reading things on the internet confirms that other cats are acting the exact same way mine are to their pregnant owners). We are practicing calling the baby by it's potential name and we are spending time talking about the baby and praying for this baby.
so, the connection to the second title of my blog post is because of this. My pregnancy has made me miss my grandma so much more. I am feeling the loss of not being able to tell her I'm pregnant and to have her call me to get updates. I am feeling the sadness of knowing my baby will never be held by their omi, who had the world's perfect legs for baby holding, since they were so long! Everett used to lay out completely on grandma's legs. If I did that.. the baby's head would be hanging off the end of my legs! I miss so much about my grandma.
Today I was caught up in a bittersweet memory of an experience that only I had. When my grandma was sick, very sick at the end especially, I used to bring my guitar either to the hospital or to her condo, and sit and play for her & sing while she either slept or just listened. I only really sang worship songs and hymns, and at certain parts, grandma would say "yes" or just nod along and smile. today at my piano I sat down & flipped to a random spot in my song binder and came across this one that swept me back into this memory
Freedom:
where the Spirit of the Lord is... there is freedom
where the Spirit of the Lord is... there is freedom
lift your eyes to heaven... there is freedom
lift your eyes to heaven... there is freedom
freedom reigns in this place
showers of mercy and grace
falling on every face... there is freedom
Jesus reigns in this place
showers his mercy and grace
falling on every face... there is freedom
if you're tired & thirsty... there is freedom
if you're tired & thirsty... there is freedom
give your all to Jesus... there is freedom
give your all to Jesus... there is freedom
I remember sitting on the chair beside my grandma's hospital bed and singing this song. I remember her with her eyes closed and saying "yes" many times in this song. I remember her praying, thanking God for another day of grace and for his freedom. I remember her lifting her eyes to heaven and longing for more of Jesus. I remember how she lived in his freedom and exhibited his grace and love. I remember her and I so badly wish that one day my baby could learn these things from watching grandma.
I am thankful for these memories, and for the example of my grandma. I am also thankful for this freedom, these showers of mercy and grace that are falling...
falling on every face, there is freedom.
honesty | insight | and iced coffee.
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
June 26, 2012
October 27, 2011
OK
OK - stands for 2 things in this post
Olga Klassen - my most wonderful grandma, who I miss constantly and am so thankful for.
and OK - is how I'm doing, today it has been one year without her, and it feels like it was just yesterday and also like it has been much longer.
i keep a picture of her hands in my office at work. they were so representative of who she is.
they were calloused from a lot of hard work. they were strong. they were used to make endless meals and buns "something to bite" (as grandpa always said..) for her family. they were serving. they were loving. they were constantly folded in prayer & thanksgiving.
one thing i really miss is how she used to hold my hand when i was telling her something serious or hard. there is so much i wish i could be telling her now. but, one thing i have no regret about, is that i have NO DOUBT that my grandma knew how much i loved her. and i know it was mutual.
here is the slide show my auntie made for grandma's funeral. watch it if you have a minute, and see a little glimpse into the life of my wonderful grandma
Olga Klassen - my most wonderful grandma, who I miss constantly and am so thankful for.
and OK - is how I'm doing, today it has been one year without her, and it feels like it was just yesterday and also like it has been much longer.
i keep a picture of her hands in my office at work. they were so representative of who she is.
they were calloused from a lot of hard work. they were strong. they were used to make endless meals and buns "something to bite" (as grandpa always said..) for her family. they were serving. they were loving. they were constantly folded in prayer & thanksgiving.
one thing i really miss is how she used to hold my hand when i was telling her something serious or hard. there is so much i wish i could be telling her now. but, one thing i have no regret about, is that i have NO DOUBT that my grandma knew how much i loved her. and i know it was mutual.
here is the slide show my auntie made for grandma's funeral. watch it if you have a minute, and see a little glimpse into the life of my wonderful grandma
October 9, 2011
thanksgiving
for anyone wishing they had made their own thanksgiving dinner... I put up a new post on my recipe blog, outlining the whole dinner, start to finish. you can read that here.
i have had a lot on my mind lately, I often get nostalgic around holidays, and more introspective when i'm busy (which is the case right now with being in school and working) I have also been a lot more emotional (I am off my anti-depressants and have found that the tears flow a lot more frequently, and easily. but i'm ok with that right now)
This morning in church there were so many songs that brought me to tears. i think it's also because i am becoming more aware of the holy spirit and the way that he speaks to us and nudges us - i'm doing a bible study with a few girls on the fruit of the spirit and the first two weeks have had a good focus on the Holy Spirit in general, and ways that the Holy Spirit works, etc, so I have been thinking about this a lot more. Instead of a sermon this morning, the elders of the church lead a lot of sharing time, and people were able to stand up and share what they were thankful for. I have a lot to be thankful for...
my husband, 2 wonderful families, 2 nephews and another baby on the way for me to be an auntie to, a new & welcoming church family, a house that i feel warm & comfortable in, 2 cats that keep me company and make me laugh, many friends - both here and far (bc, ontario & alaska specifically), a legacy of faith within my family and especially from the examples of my grandparents, luxuries like a nice car and a bank account that is never completely empty, the freedom to vote, to worship, to have an opinion (thank goodness or I'd be in a lot of trouble most of the time! ha ha), a love for worship and a voice that I can use in that way, a plot of land that will soon have a new home beside 2 of our best friends - josh & leah, health, a lot of laughter, the chance to go back to school & graduate this year, good jobs (that we love) and the "abundance & faithfulness of christ" (as someone put it this morning in church). and so much more, i could write for days and not be done.. which reminds me of one of my favourite lines in my favourite hymn -
"could we with ink the ocean fill, and were the skies of parchment made. were every stalk on earth a quill and everyone a scribe by trade - to write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry, nor could the scroll contain the whole, though stretched from sky to sky... the love of God - how rich and pure, how measureless & strong. it shall forever more endure the saints & angels song"
my heart is filled to overflowing with thanks!
May 11, 2011
everything he does is suffused with grace.
"You'll take delight in God, the Mighty One, and look to him joyfully, boldly. You'll pray to him and he'll listen; he'll help you do what you've promised. You'll decide what you want and it will happen; your life will be bathed in light. To those who feel low you'll say, 'Chin up! Be brave!' and God will save them. Yes, even the guilty will escape, escape through God's grace in your life." job 22:26
God can't stand evil scheming, but he puts words of grace and beauty on display. proverbs 15:26
Look! Listen! There's my lover! Do you see him coming? Vaulting the mountains, leaping the hills. My lover is like a gazelle, graceful; like a young stag, virile. Look at him there, on tiptoe at the gate, all ears, all eyes—ready! My lover has arrived and he's speaking to me! song of solomon 2:8
Oh yes, people of Zion, citizens of Jerusalem, your time of tears is over. Cry for help and you'll find it's graceand more grace. The moment he hears, he'll answer. isaiah 30:19a
"Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace. matthew 6:6
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." matthew 11:28
So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever. 2 corinthians 4:16
All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end. romans 5:20
If you skim through most of the above scripture, at least read the one in romans (the last of the large list of scripture). it's a beautiful word picture of the saving power of grace. and the way sin has no chance against it.
i have been thinking a lot about grace today. i know that i have mentioned this before, but i will mention it again - my grandma used to start all of her prayers with "thank you Lord for another day of grace". she never took it for granted. though she could've had an unending list of requests & petitions (for health, for strength, for a cure for her sickness to name a few..) she ALWAYS started her ongoing conversations with God by acknowledging, daily, the gift of His grace. it was all about HIM.
i remember when i started dating michael, he was all i could talk about. and i know that for a fact, because a friend of mine even told her it was driving her nuts. she felt like SHE was dating him because she knew every little thing about him.
shouldn't that be what our relationship with christ is like? where we can hardly wait to soak in more of him, and we can't stop going on and on about him & how fabulous he is.
i often call or text michael just to tell him that i love him & i'm thankful for him. not to call him to give him a list of things i need him to do for me, or things i need to vent or complain about (don't get me wrong, i'm 100% human, and do way too much of that!!) why isn't that how i normally approach God?
i want to be more like my grandma. quietly strong & consistently tender. always grateful & putting others before herself. and always acknowledging God's perfect gift of grace.
i'm getting my tattoo today. in memory of my grandma. just under 7 months of losing her, and 1 month after what would have been her birthday. i'm tattooing the words "another day of grace" and striving to live in thankfulness of that gift.
God is good to one and all; everything he does is suffused with grace. psalm 145:9
God can't stand evil scheming, but he puts words of grace and beauty on display. proverbs 15:26
Look! Listen! There's my lover! Do you see him coming? Vaulting the mountains, leaping the hills. My lover is like a gazelle, graceful; like a young stag, virile. Look at him there, on tiptoe at the gate, all ears, all eyes—ready! My lover has arrived and he's speaking to me! song of solomon 2:8
Oh yes, people of Zion, citizens of Jerusalem, your time of tears is over. Cry for help and you'll find it's graceand more grace. The moment he hears, he'll answer. isaiah 30:19a
"Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace. matthew 6:6
"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." matthew 11:28
So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever. 2 corinthians 4:16
All that passing laws against sin did was produce more lawbreakers. But sin didn't, and doesn't, have a chance in competition with the aggressive forgiveness we call grace. When it's sin versus grace, grace wins hands down. All sin can do is threaten us with death, and that's the end of it. Grace, because God is putting everything together again through the Messiah, invites us into life—a life that goes on and on and on, world without end. romans 5:20
---------------------------------------
If you skim through most of the above scripture, at least read the one in romans (the last of the large list of scripture). it's a beautiful word picture of the saving power of grace. and the way sin has no chance against it.
i have been thinking a lot about grace today. i know that i have mentioned this before, but i will mention it again - my grandma used to start all of her prayers with "thank you Lord for another day of grace". she never took it for granted. though she could've had an unending list of requests & petitions (for health, for strength, for a cure for her sickness to name a few..) she ALWAYS started her ongoing conversations with God by acknowledging, daily, the gift of His grace. it was all about HIM.
i remember when i started dating michael, he was all i could talk about. and i know that for a fact, because a friend of mine even told her it was driving her nuts. she felt like SHE was dating him because she knew every little thing about him.
shouldn't that be what our relationship with christ is like? where we can hardly wait to soak in more of him, and we can't stop going on and on about him & how fabulous he is.
i often call or text michael just to tell him that i love him & i'm thankful for him. not to call him to give him a list of things i need him to do for me, or things i need to vent or complain about (don't get me wrong, i'm 100% human, and do way too much of that!!) why isn't that how i normally approach God?
i want to be more like my grandma. quietly strong & consistently tender. always grateful & putting others before herself. and always acknowledging God's perfect gift of grace.
i'm getting my tattoo today. in memory of my grandma. just under 7 months of losing her, and 1 month after what would have been her birthday. i'm tattooing the words "another day of grace" and striving to live in thankfulness of that gift.
God is good to one and all; everything he does is suffused with grace. psalm 145:9
March 25, 2011
the lorica
i bind unto myself today
the gift to call on the trinity
the saving faith where I can say
"come three in one, oh one in three"
be above me as high as the noon-day sun
be below me, the rock i set my feet upon
be beside me, the wind on my left & right
be behind me & circle me with your truth & light
i bind unto myself today
the love of angels & seraphim
the prayers & prophesies of saints
the words & deeds of righteous men
God's ear to hear me
God's hand to guide me
God's might to uphold me
God's shield to hide me
against all powers deceiving
against my own unbelieving
whether near or far
i bind unto myself today
the hope to rise from the dust of earth
the songs of nature giving praise
to Father, Spirit, Living Word
i bind unto myself today
the gift to call on the trinity
steve bell sings this song on his cd "devotion" - i know he didn't write it, but i don't have the name infront of me right now. either way, you should buy the cd & listen to it
i find this song empowering
i often listen to it on repeat
or sing it to myself
i wish i could play the guitar like steve bell
but for now i'll settle with just listening to him
when my grandma went into the hospital i wrote the words of the chorus on a card & brought it to her. i remember sitting on her bed & i asked her if i could read her what i had written. she of course said yes! i told her it was a prayer of hope for both her & i. "that God will be above us, as high as the noon-day sun. that he'll be below us. and be the rock that we set our feet upon. we can claim in truth that he will be beside us, like the wind on the left & right. he'll be behind us, and circle us with his truth & light"
we have the privilege & the choice each day to "bind unto myself today" the gift to call on the trinity. to call on God. to claim his promises. not only to thank him for another day of grace but to live in it like you really truly know it & believe it that his grace is for ME. and you :)
why do i find it so much easier to live in my own guilt & frustrations? forgetting to call out? there is the saying "you always want what you can't have" but in this case.. i can have it!
come three in one. one in three.
lets try to live through the words of the lorica.
the gift to call on the trinity
the saving faith where I can say
"come three in one, oh one in three"
be above me as high as the noon-day sun
be below me, the rock i set my feet upon
be beside me, the wind on my left & right
be behind me & circle me with your truth & light
i bind unto myself today
the love of angels & seraphim
the prayers & prophesies of saints
the words & deeds of righteous men
God's ear to hear me
God's hand to guide me
God's might to uphold me
God's shield to hide me
against all powers deceiving
against my own unbelieving
whether near or far
i bind unto myself today
the hope to rise from the dust of earth
the songs of nature giving praise
to Father, Spirit, Living Word
be above me as high as the noon-day sun
be below me, the rock i set my feet upon
be beside me, the wind on my left & right
be behind me & circle me with your truth & light
i bind unto myself today
the gift to call on the trinity
steve bell sings this song on his cd "devotion" - i know he didn't write it, but i don't have the name infront of me right now. either way, you should buy the cd & listen to it
i find this song empowering
i often listen to it on repeat
or sing it to myself
i wish i could play the guitar like steve bell
but for now i'll settle with just listening to him
when my grandma went into the hospital i wrote the words of the chorus on a card & brought it to her. i remember sitting on her bed & i asked her if i could read her what i had written. she of course said yes! i told her it was a prayer of hope for both her & i. "that God will be above us, as high as the noon-day sun. that he'll be below us. and be the rock that we set our feet upon. we can claim in truth that he will be beside us, like the wind on the left & right. he'll be behind us, and circle us with his truth & light"
we have the privilege & the choice each day to "bind unto myself today" the gift to call on the trinity. to call on God. to claim his promises. not only to thank him for another day of grace but to live in it like you really truly know it & believe it that his grace is for ME. and you :)
why do i find it so much easier to live in my own guilt & frustrations? forgetting to call out? there is the saying "you always want what you can't have" but in this case.. i can have it!
come three in one. one in three.
lets try to live through the words of the lorica.
March 15, 2011
February 25, 2011
young at heart
apparently i feel the need to continue posting on here all afternoon.
i found this post again on the 22 words blog, and i just think it's beautiful.
Photographer Tom Hussey created these images to promote the Exelon Patch, which is supposed to help patients maintain long-term memories during the early stages of Alzheimer’s… depicting seniors seeing their younger selves in the mirror:
i found this post again on the 22 words blog, and i just think it's beautiful.
Photographer Tom Hussey created these images to promote the Exelon Patch, which is supposed to help patients maintain long-term memories during the early stages of Alzheimer’s… depicting seniors seeing their younger selves in the mirror:
i find these last 3 especially moving:
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