day 20: man made

one of my favorite man made things - my piano. I am so grateful that my Grandparents saw how much I loved music and gifted me with this piano. I think of them everytime I play it. It is one of my favorite places to be. By myself or with family or friends. Playing worship songs or just random songs. Writing music and playing music written by my friends. 

I'm not the greatest piano player, but I play with a real love for music, and I am so thankful to have this "man-made" item in my possession. 

where the Spirit of the Lord is...

I was thinking of alternate titles for this post, and the other one that seemed to fit best was: freedom, my grandma & my pregnancy... so that will be my other working title :)

I am officially in the middle of my 5th month of pregnancy, on Thursday I will officially be 21 weeks. We have had our mid-pregnancy ultrasound, which was amazing (and I am fortunate enough to get a second one next week - the baby wouldn't cooperate & give us some good pictures of their heart, so we had a second ultrasound scheduled 2 weeks later in hopes that this baby will move from it's current breech position). We have set up the nursery, gender specific. We have had a "gender reveal" party to those we are telling (our parents & siblings only). I have felt the baby move, my cats have a weird 6th sense that they know I'm pregnant (I'm convinced of this, and reading things on the internet confirms that other cats are acting the exact same way mine are to their pregnant owners). We are practicing calling the baby by it's potential name and we are spending time talking about the baby and praying for this baby.

so, the connection to the second title of my blog post is because of this. My pregnancy has made me miss my grandma so much more. I am feeling the loss of not being able to tell her I'm pregnant and to have her call me to get updates. I am feeling the sadness of knowing my baby will never be held by their omi, who had the world's perfect legs for baby holding, since they were so long! Everett used to lay out completely on grandma's legs. If I did that.. the baby's head would be hanging off the end of my legs! I miss so much about my grandma.

Today I was caught up in a bittersweet memory of an experience that only I had. When my grandma was sick, very sick at the end especially, I used to bring my guitar either to the hospital or to her condo, and sit and play for her & sing while she either slept or just listened. I only really sang worship songs and hymns, and at certain parts, grandma would say "yes" or just nod along and smile. today at my piano I sat down & flipped to a random spot in my song binder and came across this one that swept me back into this memory

Freedom:


where the Spirit of the Lord is... there is freedom
where the Spirit of the Lord is... there is freedom
lift your eyes to heaven... there is freedom
lift your eyes to heaven... there is freedom


freedom reigns in this place
showers of mercy and grace
falling on every face... there is freedom
Jesus reigns in this place
showers his mercy and grace
falling on every face... there is freedom


if you're tired & thirsty... there is freedom
if you're tired & thirsty... there is freedom
give your all to Jesus... there is freedom
give your all to Jesus... there is freedom

I remember sitting on the chair beside my grandma's hospital bed and singing this song. I remember her with her eyes closed and saying "yes" many times in this song. I remember her praying, thanking God for another day of grace and for his freedom. I remember her lifting her eyes to heaven and longing for more of Jesus. I remember how she lived in his freedom and exhibited his grace and love. I remember her and I so badly wish that one day my baby could learn these things from watching grandma.

I am thankful for these memories, and for the example of my grandma. I am also thankful for this freedom, these showers of mercy and grace that are falling...

falling on every face, there is freedom.

all things sparkly.

i feel a bit "racoon-y" today
distracted by all things sparkly

i have been mulling over the idea lately of "living simply" and what the looks like.
i know many people who claim to live simply, but find that it's not that simple to always live "simply" and i don't want to make any bold statements here, only to look hypocritical later.

i have been thinking lately about the fact that i often have more than i need. so the other day i did a jewellery purge. i had found this beautiful black jewellery holder (does living simply mean no more random bargain shopping?? again, conundrum) so i decided to only keep as many necklaces as i could fit on the holder (one per "handle" of the holder) and ended up getting rid of a lot more than i realized i owned. however, i have spent a good chunk of time this morning looking at jewellery online. ahh, distracted by all things sparkly.

we just came back from a trip to vancouver to visit my dearest friends emily & thomas. and it was SO good to be with them. and as an added bonus, we got to spend some time with Gord & Janice (and atticus!) since they let us crash there on the drive to & from vancouver.

driving from winnipeg to vancouver i marvelled over the sights. the simplistic grandeur. the wind turbines dancing & swirling magically on wheat fields. the sun shining over the horizon. farms & animals. the first glimpse of the mountains. driving through the mountains. where each peak seems to be a little more majestic than the last. signs of avalanches. secluded lakes. waterfalls & streams. we were literally surrounded by breath taking creativity.

yet how quickly the sparkly distracts! once i stopped browsing the jewellery this morning, i looked out the window to discover that the tree just across from where i park my car is in full bloom. perfect new buds & leaves. in a neon shade of green. spring is here. refreshing.

while we were driving through the mountains we listened to a lot of worship music on our ipods, and one of the songs was "beautiful one" - which seemed so perfectly fitting to sing while being amazed by God's creation. natural sparkle. nothing on earth is as beautiful as him. amazing!

i think it's easier to live "simply" when we spend more time simply living. marvelling in what we have, who we have to share it with, and who gave it to us! spending more time enjoying, rather than buying new things to enjoy. i'm still learning.

beautiful one i love

beautiful one i adore

beautiful one my soul must sing

you've opened my eyes to your wonders anew

you've captured my heart with this love

because nothing on earth is as beautiful as you. 

three tuesday thoughts

i feel like writing on here today but i'm not sure exactly about what
i feel like i have a whole montage of thoughts going through my head
and none of them really flow into the other, so i'll just share it all

first of all -
on friday evening, the jury decided on a verdict in the candace derksen trial
they decided mark grant was guilty of 2nd degree-murder. relief.
i have been encouraged by this family and their decision to forgive.

second -
i spent the weekend at a mother-daughter camp with my mother-in-law & sister-in-law. i really enjoyed the speakers and all they had to say. they were talking about mary and martha. and the importance of just sitting at the feet of Jesus. we sang a song called "all is well" by robin mark. i had heard the song before & just really love it. it's been playing in my head for the last few days, and i love when that happens. here is a video of me singing it, if you care to take a listen.



and third -
i've started working on a new project. a "grandma afgan" - which means that i'm using every single color of yarn i find, and put it all together, wonderfully mismatched. it's something very fun to work on, and i love seeing it come together. here is a picture of a few of my granny squares so far:

progress so far

your name

this song has been in my head non-stop since sunday morning
your name (by paul baloche)
i sing the words in my head while i'm falling asleep
while i'm making supper
while i'm typing at work
while i'm driving
etc

i have realized something new that i love about Jesus
he isn't safe. but being with him is safe.
that is what i have been realizing and dwelling in for the last few days

safety. perfect peace. consistent friendship. faithfulness. saving grace.

i haven't felt like myself for a long time. and that in and of itself can be terrifying.
sometimes i need strength just to make it through the day!

on sunday michael & i went with josh, leah & ev to Kilcona Alliance Church and we loved it. it felt like being among friends. community. genuine passion for Jesus.
we sang one song that has been very meaningful to me lately

our God:
our God is greater, our God is stronger
God you are higher than any other
our God is healer, awesome in power
our God, our God!

and then a song that I hadn't sang for awhile - your name - and now it has literally been on repeat in my head. especially the line:

your name is a strong & mighty tower
your name is a shelter like no other

i'm realizing anew how amazing it is to have this safety
now i need to allow it to penetrate my entire being, so that there is no room for doubt & fear.

psalm 62:8

 So trust him absolutely, people;

      lay your lives on the line for him.

      God is a safe place to be.

me singing Your Name

Your Name from Ashley Thiessen on Vimeo.

a thursday afternoon of singing

i have had a nice afternoon

my mom brought lunch to my work, so we enjoyed that together

then i came home & caught up on my beth moore biblestudy (it's so easy to get behind.. my goal is to keep on it daily!)

and then felt like picking up my guitar again

i have played it very little since my grandma died

it became something very special to me, something that I could do for her even in the depth of her illness

a connection that she & i shared

a way i could bless her into heaven

she didn't care that i didn't know all of the chords

or only knew a couple strumming patterns

she didn't care when my guitar went out of tune

or i stopped singing while i wept

she would close her eyes & smile at the mention of heaven

God's faithfulness

flying away

glory bound...

so today i picked up my guitar

and thought of her as I saw my pile of "songs grandma likes" sitting in the case

and i sang & played until my fingers hurt.

i have decided to share 2 videos, 2 songs that are dear to me

maybe the words will resonate with where you are at

or maybe hearing my own voice sing them will give you other insight into where i'm at honestly

i hope no one thinks i'm doing this out of pride or for compliments (if that was the case i should've tuned my guitar completely.. and probably do some vocal warm ups... oops!)

just sharing my heart & my voice

Glory Bound from Ashley Thiessen on Vimeo.

glory bound:

this is me singing "Glory Bound" by the Wallin' Jennys.
The last time I sang this was at my Grandmas funeral, and I have really been missing her, so decided to sing it again.

I still remember singing it for her in the hospital. She thought it was beautiful. I think she could already hear the train...

Lord How Excellent from Ashley Thiessen on Vimeo.

lord how excellent:

this is me singing "Lord How Excellent" by Jon Buller

words that fit where I am at with life right now