I am a formula using mom. Figured I should just get that out there at the start of this post.
When I became pregnant I did a lot of reading, reading about pregnancy, about my baby's development, about infant care, sleeping "techniques", and a lot about breast feeding. I had of course heard the (much overused in my opinion) familiar proclamation that BREAST IS BEST, and found that many of the books that I took out of the library weren't actually so much about breast feeding, but rather loved to do "formula bashing".
I personally felt that breast feeding would be best for me. I figured it made sense to use the milk my body produced, that it would be a way to bond with my baby, that it was natural, mostly convenient, and, well, it was free! (What Mennonite girl doesn't love something that is free?!)
When my sweet girl Matilda was coming into this world we both needed some assistance and so she was delivered by emergency c-section. Afterwards we were taken to recovery, and within a very short time Matilda was given to me for her first official breast milk meal. She had a good, strong latch. I felt confident and natural. This continued over the next few days in the hospital. I recognized her cues and was able to provide for her. The nurses often would tell me that they were so happy that she was such a natural.
Well, we came home and things weren't so great! My colostrum was gone and it was time for the milk to take its place. I was nursing Matilda for an hour and then an hour later she was screaming again. She had to fall asleep nursing or she was up screaming. A lot of tears were shed by both Matilda and I.
My home care nurse came and it was confirmed that my milk had not come in, in full. My sweet girl was starving and needed food fast. The first time we gave her formula, she was gulping it down and afterward I had my sweet, content baby back.
Logically this should have been the point where I said, "ok, we will just use formula", however here is where I feel the struggle begin. Everything I read echoed in my head - BREAST IS BEST! I was also constantly hearing a voice in my head saying, "low milk supply is a myth" since I had heard that pretty much as often as I heard breast is best. At our prenatal classes our teacher told us that we just had to get through the first 7 days of breastfeeding and then everything would fall into a nice rhythm. But - I was struggling. I was losing my confidence and I was an emotional mess! One day at my parents place I couldn't stop crying, and even my sweet nephew said "why is auntie so sad??". I was thankful to have a few friends who also used formula - and who quickly replied to my email asking them to tell me why they chose to do formula and what their experience was with it.
I came to realize that a lot of people ask about how you feed your baby - and a lot of people will try and make you feel badly that you're feeding your baby formula. I'm not totally sure why people think that is ok - or that it's really any of their business! What every baby needs is love and attention - meaning a mom and dad and other family to meet their needs. A baby doesn't care if you feed them breast milk or formula - but they can tell if you are stressed and anxious in the process. Once we switched to formula, I was a happy mom, and I had a happy content baby. This doesn't mean that I think everyone should use formula, it just means that I'm a firm believer in people minding their own business, and just telling the mom that she is doing a great job caring for her baby! I was offered some suggestions of things I could do - groups I could go to, pills I could take, etc. etc. But the best advise I got was from my friend who told me PUT THAT BABY ON FORMULA AND GET YOUR SANITY BACK!! She could see that it wasn't about what baby needed, it was about how BFing was making me lose my mind. It was also so helpful to have family that just told me they supported me as a mom no matter what I chose.
So, 5 months later - I have decided to write this post about formula and about how it is working for us. My hope is that some other mom who is struggling will find this when she is doing a google search - and that she will see some hope in her situation - not just a bunch of websites and forums telling her that she is failing as a mom. You can be the best mom regardless of how you feed your baby. Loving your baby is most important - and loving your baby means giving them what they need - food and a sane mom :)
I realize this is already quite long, but I made a list of the PERKS of formula (as well as some of our "tips" to using formula) and I want to post my list. I will be clear again that this isn't me in any way saying formula is better than breastfeeding or vice versa. There is a long list of perks for breastfeeding and so this is in no way a comparison list - it is just something for the other formula moms out there to feel encouraged!!
- With formula you can share the responsibility of feeding - you can decide to just do it yourself, or to let your spouse take a turn, and even let other family members like grandparents and aunties help.
- You can do it anywhere without having to worry about covering up your body - which is mostly a perk for those people who would be uncomfortable nursing in public. I realize that isn't everyone, but it is definitely some people!
-You can leave baby with a babysitter and go on DATES! Or even just run errands and let baby stay in the comfort of home - plus it helps build relationship with baby and other family members since they get some time alone together!
- One-on-one daddy & baby time! Every morning Michael gets up with Matilda when she wakes up for the day. He feeds her, and she plays while he makes his lunch and drinks his coffee. He then puts her down for her first nap and leaves for work - all the while, I am still asleep! Since he is gone working for most of the day, it is really awesome that they get to spend time together just the 2 of them, and on the mornings when he has to be up and gone before she is - she gives me this look, like "you aren't dad!" when I get up with her. They are very close and Michael is able to be a very hands-on dad!
- Formula takes longer to digest than breastmilk, which means baby sleeps longer stretches sooner, and also poops less! (on the downside, formula poop stinks - so that one diaper makes up for the 5-6 that breastfeeding babes have! - in my opinion!! haha)
- It is a solution for the emotionally exhausted mom who is trying to breast feed but doesn't make enough milk (or any!)
Here are tips that Michael and I think are worth sharing:
- pre-fill all your bottles with water at the start of the day - it makes it easier to make a bottle quickly if your baby gets as impatient as mine ;)
-refrigerate any left overs and use at the next feeding! (this was one of the best pieces of advise I received, since before that I would almost cry as I watched sometimes almost full bottles going down the drain with my money...) "Throwing it out" is just a recommendation by the company to sell more formula and thus make more money. You do however need to throw it out if you forgot to put it in the fridge between feedings.
- you don't HAVE TO make it in 60mL portions. We are currently filling our bottles with 150ml of water and 2 1/2 scoops of formula - they make the scoop rounded so you have less confidence about "eye-balling" it - but you figure out what half of the scoop is - a tiny bit more or less won't hurt baby.
- don't force baby to finish the bottle. Breastfeeding moms don't know how much (in volume) baby eats and that is ok! But when you have it in a bottle, you feel like you need to decide how much baby is eating, since one day she will guzzle a full bottle and the next time maybe only 60 ml! Baby knows when to stop. If I push Matti to finish her bottle - it comes back up eventually...
- before shaking the bottle, swirl it around - it helps the powder and water mix a bit - keeping it from bunching up in the nipple
- let Dad do feeds! He is just as capable as mom - sometimes he just needs a little encouragement at first to build confidence
- just because anyone CAN feed your baby doesn't mean you HAVE to let them. In some circumstances it may be best for mom (or dad) to do the feed - if that is your instinct - follow it! Baby will be thankful.
- just because you CAN feed anywhere (like in the middle of a noisy family gathering) doesn't mean you should. Baby gets so distracted and also it is a nice excuse to sneak away and spend some quiet time together
- Some formulas (like Nestle Good Start - which is what we use) - will make your babies poop a dark, army green, almost black color. People WILL ask you if your baby is ok. Poop can be any color - the most important thing is if it is a different color randomly - then that could be a problem, but because of the iron in formula, the poop is often quite dark.
- Don't feel like you have to buy the formula with more added things (like omega etc). The formula with added omega just causes constipation over here with my babe, they don't sell formula that will malnourish your baby, and if you are wondering about a formula - write down the ingredients (or bring in a tin) and show it to your pediatrician - they are there to answer your questions!
- Price does not determine if a formula is better or not! Sometimes it just has to do with brand name. Use whatever formula works for your baby - if it happens to be the cheapest one out there - lucky for you!!
- If a formula is working - DON'T SWITCH!! The ingredients are essentially the same, but even the slightest change can majorly affect baby. If you are worried about cost - try the cheapest one first! We started with Good Start and then tried to switch to a cheaper one, but she is used to good start, so the switch caused constipation, bad sleeping and a lot of crying.
- Just because one formula works for one mom doesn't mean it will work for you! (We made the switch because someone I know swore by this other formula - but like I said, it didn't work for us!)
- the liquid & concentrated formula is too expensive for daily use! But it is nice to have at the grandparents house if they want to keep formula on hand - it is a nice treat and the powder has to be used within 30 days of opening - which isn't much time if you just use it occasionally on visits!
- playtex vent-aire bottles changed our world - if baby seems to struggle at all during feeds - try a new bottle. We highly recommend them! (Matti switched to the fast flow nipples at 3 months. We never used the medium flow ones. Standard size is perfect for us. Wide is good if you are doing both breast and bottle.)
- don't offer bottle when baby is sleepy - they use it as a pacifier and then cry because formula is coming out - and if your baby is like Matilda - you will get a hearty dose of spit up afterward.
Most important:
- BE CONFIDENT in your choice to do formula and let other moms be confident in their choice of how they feed.
- The only thing that matters is that baby is fed & happy and that mom is sane :)
OK - long enough! Hopefully this will be helpful to someone - the advise of other formula moms was hugely helpful to me. So - to those moms (you know who you are!) THANK YOU. You helped me when I needed it most.
Here's to happy babies everywhere!
