women refreshed at the well

So, 3 blogs was apparently not enough for me to play around with.. even thought I quite obviously neglect 2 of them...

anyway, I decided to play around with the Women Refreshed at the Well site, and decided to create a new one that I knew how to manage and tweak easier. I'm so excited about this vision that God gave to my mom, and I love watching the building come to life infront of our eyes. It is a place of excitement, and a place that God will use, and I think our whole family is just excited about the future of this ministry.

please take a look and follow the site, my mom has been doing a good job of keeping it up to date, and we will continue to try and do that. also, please feel welcome to stop by the house and take a look for yourself. Something this exciting is meant to be shared!!

Here is the new website: www.womenrefreshed.com

for strength to trust Him more.

today my head and heart feel a bit conflicted
this evening we are having supper together as a family and josh & leah will tell our family the gender of their baby. i have seen one picture of the baby so far, and everett very sweetly points at it and says "baby" in his voice that melts my heart. i can't believe that i get to have everett in my life and now another baby to be an auntie to! i'm triply blessed by the babies that have made me "auntie ash".

today though, my heart and head are full of thoughts of a very dear friend of mine whose little boy would be another year older today if he hadn't been taken from their family MUCH TOO SOON. i believe that God put this friend into my life so that I had someone who "gets it" that the grief of losing Jay is ongoing. that having Ev in my life doesn't make my auntie heart ache that I don't get to know Jay! I'm so thankful for my friend, that we can sit and chat for hours, email on a regular basis, and be a listening ear for one another. that type of friendship is rare and i'm thankful. but i wish i could have known her little guy. the pictures i've seen of him... he is a beautiful boy, with eyes that remind me of his younger sister! I know he is so loved, and i just will never understand why some people go through so much hurt in life.

this morning I decided to type out all of the words for the worship service on Sunday rather than just copy & paste them from their files like I normally do each week. Sometimes I like to type them out so that I can sing along in my head, and today one of them was "'tis so sweet to trust in Jesus". This song took on a deeper meaning for me when my grandpa klassen became very sick. i remember sitting at my piano in my dining room on mulvey, singing this song over and over, sometimes just playing through the verses because i was just quietly sobbing. when my grandma became very sick last year this was one of the songs that i sang many times at her bedside with my guitar. my favorite part.. and the part that still gives me a catch in my throat, was watching her listen. jesus jesus.. how i trust Him.. how i've proved him over and over... jesus jesus, precious jesus.. oh for strength to trust him more... grandma would often listen along with her eyes closed, and she would smile and nod, or in her not so silent "whispering" fashion she would say "yes". that last line of the chorus is the truest part in the song for me. i do my best to trust Him, but i will admit.. deep deep grief.. rocks my faith at times. i don't want to trust God conditionally.. i want to trust him unconditionally, that is the only way to have hope. "oh for strength to trust Him more".. that could be my life motto. i decided to sing this song at grandma's funeral, as a tribute to her, her life, her faith, her humble spirit and her ability to CONSTANTLY trust Jesus.

on a day like today, when my heart aches for a little boy who should be celebrating a birthday, and my heart rejoices that i'm going to be an auntie again, there is tension. and trust is the one thing that keeps me together.

happy birthday cameron. you are loved!

back to school...

back to school
back to school
to prove to dad that i'm not a fool
i got my lunch packed up
got my boots tied tight
hope i don't get in a fight
back to school
back to school
back to school...

the song from billy madison is playing in my head as i sit here in the computer lab at school (and for the record, i'm not at school to prove to my dad that i'm not a fool! he knows I'm the smartest girl around :) )
here i am, back at school
it was interesting to me this morning, as i sat through my first class that i feel so new but i'm really not
i'm going to graduate approximately 3 years sooner than the people in my classes
but they all knew each other, much like when i was a music major at cmu a few years ago, we went through all of our classes together
it's also interesting to me how, typically, music students fit into the stereotype.. and i had to laugh to myself as they were all laughing over "music jokes" (and i really do mean MUSIC jokes. jokes about certain notes and keys in music..) a lot of the technical stuff goes over my head, and a lot of the stuff that the teacher described as "basic info that you all likely know already" was stuff that i was jotting down frantically. 8 pages of notes later, i sure don't feel like a musical genious! ha ha!

oh well, i am still happy to be here
with my new notebooks
my new (expensive) text books
my mug of hot coffee
and the knowledge in my head that in 8 months i will be graduating!

back to school...
time to get some lunch, then on to my second class. plus, i have to go pick up the books i just reserved at the library for my first presentation! guess i may as well just dive in completely

hope you are all having a good monday morning!

don't you know that you're toxic?

i have had this song running through my head all day so far

with a taste of your lips
i'm on a ride
your toxic, i'm slipping under
with a taste of poison paradise
i'm addicted to you
don't you know that you're toxic?
(toxic - by britney spears)

not really my FAVORITE song to have playing on repeat
but.. sigh... it is in my head
so.. why is it in my head? let me tell you

i've been thinking a lot about things that i have in my life that i can get caught up in
both good and bad
and there was quite a good list
one thing that i used to get caught up in was facebook
and i'm not saying it's "toxic" to everyone, but it wasn't a good thing for me to have
i struggle too much with comparing, with snooping, with frustrations of inconsistent friends and behaviors. i just got caught up in it to much, so, quitting it was the right thing to do, for me.

however, there are still a few similar things that i find myself caught up in
and we were talking about one of these things last night around a bonfire with josh & leah
at one point i said
"i try not to get caught up, but i continue to find myself there, reading!"
and when i was trying to find a word to describe it leah said, "it's toxic"

how often do we hear things now a days about ridding your body of toxins
yet there seems to be less warnings for emotional and mental toxins.
but personally.. i find them way more harmful!

as someone who does a lot of comparing, over analyzing, doubting.. one "taste" of something toxic can just suck me in, and it's so not worth it!

i realize that with being semi-cryptic it sounds like i'm into something really awful or x-rated! but that's not it. it's more like reading blogs of people who talk like they have everything together. or that just have strong opinions that get me going.. that type of thing.

anyway, i've just been thinking all morning about how important it is to keep my mind focused on good & uplifting things. this week the theme verse at the church i work at is "and let us consider how we can spur one another on toward love & good deeds" and i'd like to add: all things non-toxic!

i hope to put more "safety nets" in my way to remind myself to avoid voluntarily reading things that make me struggle. and maybe admitting this on here is one more good net :)

you is kind. you is smart. you is important.

i went to see "the help" on Sunday evening with a group of wonderful girls
it was just as good as i expected (and hoped) it would be
i'm pretty sure we all cried in a few (or a lot) of parts of the movie

one part has stayed in my mind, playing on repeat it seems
it is the part where the maid, aibileen, is talking with the little girl of the family she works for, mae mobley
aibileen has decided that she wants to make sure that, if nothing else, mae mobley learns this about herself: she is kind. she is smart. she is important.  i was able to find a clip of that part, click here to go to that link, it's only a 20 second clip, but it is sweet.

i was struck again at how important it is to speak in love to one another
to tell those people around you, you are SMART. you are IMPORTANT. you are KIND.
today michael stopped by my office to have coffee with me
and out of nowhere he said to me "i just really like you!"
even though I am married to him, and KNOW that he loves me
it was just so nice to hear, out of the blue, that i'm cared about, and important.

words spoken like that are never in vain!

on a totally different note.. yesterday i went back to school!

i just needed to go to get my student ID photo taken, and to buy my books ($$$!)
i was shocked at the fact that i was kind of.. nervous.
this isn't my first year at university. it's my 6th.
i know the halls, i know the teachers... but i'm new
it was good to have my sister phoebe there to keep me company in the long line up
monday is my first day of classes
my first day that i'm not starting with all of my friends
it will be different, but good
i'm looking forward to learning again
one of my classes looks terribly interesting.
and one extremely hard and overwhelming.
but i think it will be good.
here's to the start of a new year!