perfect treat

i'm a coffee drinker
although, since my gall bladder attacks and surgery i have tried to stay away from it (a little!)
i've always enjoyed a good cup of fresh coffee and thankfully have never become "addicted" to it (aka, i don't get headaches if i don't drink it) which has allowed me to drink it as i want to

i've come to appreciate decaf and 'half-caf" (which is easy to do when i have a wonderful mother in law that is always ready with a pot of decaf for the two of us!)
typically i drink my coffee black
or iced with milk and a bit of sweetener
but i used to drink it "double double" and there is something so comforting to be found in a warm, creamy, sweet cup of coffee

i couldn't drink it like that all the time, but it is a treat once and a while

so, why this rant about how i drink my coffee?
well, i was just treated to an xl cup of double double coffee - it was brought in by a very nice gentleman that was here for a meeting, but we had some time to chat while he was waiting. he is new to faith and it is very exciting to hear him talk - last week i overheard him saying that he just wants God to be the only thing people see when they see him. what a desire! and how wonderful that already he's realized that one way to show God to people is through random kindness.

so, as he is meeting and learning more about God's promises
i am sitting here, sipping and enjoying my cup of kindness
creamy & sweet
the perfect treat this morning

God's kindness comes in all kinds of shapes & sizes

a holy & a broken hallelujah

3 years

i wonder what you would be learning

i wonder what your voice would sound like

and how curly your hair would be

i miss you all the time

and think you would have been the best big brother

you will always be the perfect little boy that made me "auntie ash"

and the most precious kid that taught me how deep i could love

i wish i could know you

and tell you again into your ear how much i love you!

you will always be loved & missed and talked about

you changed my life forever!

sweet pea

jay benjamin

happy birthday!

after Jay was born i wrote this song. 

(well, i re-wrote words to a song)

the piano is out of tune in the recording and it's pretty raw, but it's from my heart.

here are the lyrics:

i heard there was a coming joy, the blessing of a baby boy

the joy and expectation was within me

it goes like this: week four, then fifth, the third trimester & the major gift!

and from our lips we praised with "hallelujahs"!

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

my faith was strong didn't need the proof; proclaiming Jesus on the roof

His beauty & his love, it overtook me.

He showed himself from here to there, he knew my name, he knew every hair

I praised my God and sang out "hallelujah"

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

when he was born, they tried so much...

he couldn't cry, but we held & touched

great joy & desperation flowed into us

and even though it all went wrong, we wept before our Lord of song

and from our lips we wept our hallelujahs

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

some say they join us in our pain; sometimes they smile, and say his name

my life has changed, i would not try to fool you

and even though we can't hold on

he's held by our Lord of song

he dances and plays and laughs his hallelujahs!

and even though it all went wrong

we stand and to our Lord hold on

with a holy and a broken hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

hallelujah, hallelujah

prince albert & banana chocolate cupcakes

friendship & transparency

in a time when it feels like there are less places to be yourself

where it is ok to struggle

or go with out makeup

where it feels like there are less people who want to be real

or ask the harder questions

when so many conversations are a struggle to bite your tongue

or where its easy to be overlooked...

in this time

it is SO good

to have a safe place

where you can be yourself

sipping coffee

oohing and ahhing over a fairytale love

asking deep questions 

over chicken balls & spring rolls

to have something to look forward to all day, all week

a time and place to relax and enjoy

whether you are 26, 29 or 37 

it is good to be among true friends.

lightning bolt

is it just me or is it particularly quiet in the blogging world this week?

maybe it's the extreme heat.. everyone is too busy trying to keep cool to sit down and write

i was really looking forward to a big thunderstorm this morning, they've been promising us one a few times over the last week.. so far, only a sad amount of drizzle. i need a good thunderstorm! when i was in high school my closest friend, cristiana and i used to LOVE thunderstorms. if we heard that one was likely to happen we would try to plan to have a sleepover, or at least talk on the phone. more than once, when an intense thunderstorm started, cristi managed to convince her mom to drive her out to anola for a sleepover (one time her mom drove her out as late as 10!) we would stand in my room at the window waiting to catch a glimpse of the lightning. in anola we were often able to see some "free light" (not sure if that is a scientific term, but thats what my dad told us it was called) which is when the lightning isn't just a bolt, but it lights up the entire sky so that it looks like day, with a purple haze to the sunlight i suppose. it was incredible. to see it go from pitch black to bright as day in seconds. we would stand at the window holding our breath, counting the seconds between the thunder & lightning. marvelling at the intensity of the light and the crackle of the thunder. to this day i still find it hard to fall asleep if it's storming because i want to just sit and watch it unfold.

on our honeymoon michael & i went on a cruise in the caribbean. it was a week long cruise which included 2 full days at sea, and each night the boat sailed through the ocean waters to the next destination. we had opted to pay a little extra to have a balcony off our room, which was the BEST decision in my opinion. it rained EVERY night on our cruise. and every night we would get a cup of coffee (or some soft serve icecream.. it is a dangerous thing to have a self serve soft icecream machine open 24/7) and sit on our balcony listening to the rain fall onto the open expanse of water. it was so peaceful. one night there was a thunderstorm, so instead of staying inside the boat (like everyone else) we ventured out onto the top deck. i was determined to catch a picture of the lightning. i set my camera to just shoot continuously and i ended up with about 200 pictures of darkness. then, one magical second.. and i had it, a picture of the boat surrounded by light, with a purple tinge to it, as bright as day. magnificent lightning.

only God would be so creative to create something so amazing, so powerful, that you have to sit and wait, watching and waiting to catch a glimpse of it. he doesn't just surround us with beautiful trees, flowers, sunsets.. things that we can see without trying. no, he adds in special things, lightning bolts, free light, rainbows.. things that you have to stop what you are doing and look for, things that God made for us to enjoy and take the time to acknowledge. he is so creative, i am just in awe!

now I am ready for it to pour. to sit watching. in the meantime i suppose i should also enjoy the sun, the heat, the SHADE and be thankful that it isn't snow.

i realize this is more of an autumn picture.. but there is just something so beautiful about it. i picture that person standing there, marvelling at the tree, the colors of the leaves, the color of the sun and the stillness of the water and being thankful.

two hundred

today i am writing my 200th post on this blog
thank you to all of you that read my blog, i always appreciate any comments or things that people have to say after reading my thoughts

i wanted to write something special for my 200th post.. thought about writing a list of 200 things. but that is A LOT of things. so instead, i thought i'd make a list of things that i've done at least 200 times aka things that i like, or do a lot, or important things in my life :)

i have been married for more than 200 days. 1020 days to be exact! wonderful days :)

i know at least 200 songs. when i first started getting to know michael's family really well mike's dad (elmer) started realizing how many songs i actually know. i remember that we were watching the weather station on tv, well we had it on in the background and we were all sitting around chatting, and i was just singing along with whatever song came on. elmer looked at me after a while and said "i'm convinced that you know EVERY song in the world" he was amazed that no matter what song came on, i was able to sing along to. i have a great memory when it comes to music, probably because singing is my favorite thing to do!

i am sure, without a doubt, that i have told Everett that i love him more than 200 times. i'm pretty sure i say it dozens of times each time i see him. he is just the sweetest thing in the whole world. and now that he's older, and has such a unique personality, he makes me laugh and smile, and just melts me. i've been an auntie for 1084 days, lots of time to learn new ways to love!!

i have forsure baked more than 200 cookies. baking is just such a fun activity. i'd love to have the chance to bake more, and experiment with flavors & combinations. that's why i watch so many baking shows (i like them enough to put up with my husbands mockery of me!) i love seeing the things that people know how to create in the kitchen.

200+ times, i have been lost in worship. lost in a good way. just overwhelmed and in awe of God. my head hurts if i try to think about the concept of "forever" for too long, it is outside of my human understanding. however, if i think about the fact that i will just be lost in awe & worship.. forever seems to short!

200 cups of coffee. hot & black or iced, sweetened & with milk. coffee is so wonderful because it can be enjoyed alone, with a good book, on a rainy day, with a friend, a pot shared with family, iced on the back porch with my sister, in a coffee shop while people watching. the opportunities are endless.

200 games or puzzles have been played & solved by me. i'm a sucker for a good puzzle/game. i love sudoku, solitaire, rushhour & TETRIS

i hope that i have read 200 books in my life. i LOVE to read, but often forget how much i love it. i recently decided to finally start reading my harry potter books. (i bought the whole set for $5 at a garage sale. talk about a steal! a few of the books were originally 40 dollars each!) and i just whipped through the first one, and can hardly wait to start on the second one. i love being lost in a book.

200 is like a drop in the bucket when i think of how many wonderful times i've spent with my family. good talks, hard talks, silly joking around, making music, relaxing, playing games, boating, drinking coffee, praying.. where would i be without them?

i could probably go on and on about things that i love. i could probably make a list of 200 things that i've done more than 200 times. but let's face it, i don't want to write it, and you probably don't want to read it.  and that's a-ok with me :)

200... spanning over the last 3 years. lots of good, lots of hard, lots of random. here is to the next 200 posts.