i'm a triple threat in the blog-e-sphere

not wanting to toot my own horn BUT wanted to remind anyone who is looking for more blogs to read that i actually have 2 other blogs. both with recent blog posts!

my photography blog:

http://photographybyashleymarie.blogspot.com/

and my recipe blog:

http://tocookandbakelikethat.blogspot.com/

feel free to check them out!

rushing

time for an honesty post

i am not ready to be off anti-depressants

when i first went on them, it was a prescription given to me by a walk-in clinic doctor. he prescribed me quite a large dose, and i became (as my grandma used to say) a "zombo" and i did not like that. i'd rather feel hard emotions than feel numb! so when i was finally able to get in to see my doctor, she lowered my dose by a third

this amount seemed good, but also had me very controlled. i'm a pretty all over the place emotional person, it's part of my charm. whatever i'm feeling, i feel more than 100%!  i think that's why i so easily speak my mind (both a blessing and a curse, depending on the day it seems!) my doctor said that she thought my struggle with depression was likely partially a chemical imbalance, partially weather related (seasonal affected disorder) and partially stress. she said that when i started to feel more like myself that i could lower the dose, and by that she meant take it every other day. it was still a larger amount, so when i took it every other day i felt great one day, and like i was dying the next. not a good method for me.

so, over the next couple of months i went down to a half dose pill, and after taking that for a month i decided to try to take it every other day. my counsellor told me not to rush it. my doctor told me not to think that i "needed" it forever. i don't know what i want or think about it all totally.

so, for the last 3 weeks i've been taking the anti-depressant pill every other day. and for the last 3 weeks i've been crying, over everything and anything! i'm not feeling overly sad or depressed about anything, just feeling emotional. i'm wondering if maybe it's due to having my emotions pent up due to the pills? anyway, the other day driving home with michael i said "i think maybe i should stick to taking the pill every day for a little longer" - to which i found out that i hadn't told michael my plan, and he had been wondering why i had been so different the last few weeks. just a wee bit more moody than normal... so he agreed with me, maybe i'm trying to rush it. not totally sure why. maybe because i know there are people in my life that think it's not good to be on medication. maybe because i want to be done struggling. maybe because i don't like taking a pill every day. maybe pride. who knows?

all i know is that i want to continue on my journey of healing and moving forward and becoming more of myself again. and there is no need to rush!

reef shoes and fleece pants

i'm trying to get ready for camping this weekend
we'll be leaving as soon as michael gets home from mowing lawns

i'm pretty good at packing, but i often seem to forget just one thing.
so, since i had some time on my hands, i decided to look up some camping check lists on the internet.
there was one that made me laugh a little, i didn't have half of the things on this list packed! (nor do i plan on packing them).. tripstravel.com, always there to remind me about my leather gloves for camping. just what i needed.

here is the list of clothes for my weekend, according to this website:
bathing suit
denim jacket
fleece pants
flip flops
gloves (leather)
gloves (wool)
cotton pants
hat
hat (wool)
hiking boots
hiking pants
long-sleeved tops
rain jacket
rain pants
reef shoes
thermal top
t shirts
sandals
shorts
socks
sunglasses
sweater - thick
underwear
wind breaker
wool socks

i've put my favorite items in bold :) i wonder if i'll be ok without my leather gloves and reef shoes?? where does this list think i'm going?!

to procrastinate a bit longer from packing, i thought i'd post a collection of my favorite pictures from the last month or so.. enjoy.

my house finally has perennials!

 a father's day fiesta!

and a special little boys half birthday 

 my favorite little person in the world!

 he always knows where to find his belly button

elastic math

here is a math equation for you:

an efficient worker (done all her work by noon) + a drawer full of elastics (since all the church mail is delivered in bundles, wrapped with elastics)  =  ???

elastic balls!

musical photogenic sugar dreams

there are a few things that i dream about doing

let me start by saying i am very happy where i am at, the job that i have, the home i live in, my wonderful hubby, even my crazy cats. 

sometimes it is fun to dream, one of those "if you could do anything you wanted, regardless of money etc. what would you do" well, i have narrowed mine down to 3.. for today :)

dream 1:

a musician. i dream of having the opportunity to travel around from cafe to cafe, with my voice, my guitar and my binder of songs. singing to a small crowd of coffee drinkers, people chatting and visiting with friends, those lost in a good book or just enjoying watching the crowd. i dream of singing rich folky music, some of my own songs, and songs of faith. i dream of being a natural on the guitar and feeling totally comfortable in front of a crowd. singing to my hearts content. 

dream 2:

a traveling photographer. not a paid one necessarily, but one that has the time and the means to travel all over the world, capturing people and moments thru my camera lens. meeting people, learning their stories, and catching glimpses of them on film. seeing the world, large cities and small unknown towns. diving into local culture and sharing my life with others. for the fun, not for an monetary gain. i'd love to make books or host open galleries where people could come and glimpse these photos, and learn about the people, read the stories, see the sights. sharing lives. 

dream 3:

a cupcake baker. or just a baker in general. i could never work in a bakery because you have to get up at unholy hours, like 3 or 4 am. no thank you. but, i would love to work somewhere that i could experiment with flavors and decorations, making new and interesting combinations. baking and sharing these treats with anyone and everyone. i love baking, and i love being able to give it away and share it with others. plus, it is so tasty. i dream that one day this can become somewhat of a reality when my mom's retreat house is opened up and i can contribute with baking of muffins, cookies, scones and the occasional sweet treat like cupcakes. sweet treats.

so, those are my three dreams for today. it's fun to dream larger than life. to find small ways to make these dreams realities within my current life. yesterday i made granola. today i plan on spending a few hours playing my guitar. and maybe this weekend i'll be able to photograph people that i love. tis good to dream on such a lovely rainy afternoon.