simply taking life & rest and joy & peace

i have been meaning to sit down and write for SO long

and now i find myself with a couple of hours to kill in the toronto airport, so i will finally update.

once again, i have found myself in a very busy & full life

i am just returning from a mini-vaction of sorts

i flew to toronto on wednesday and spent a few days with jo, then picked up cheryl in hamilton and spent the next couple of days with her and adrienne. last night we had the privilege of witnessing our dear friend, Lauren, exchange vows with her love!

the service brought me right back to my wedding day, and the bittersweet-ness of it

don't get me wrong, my day was so sweet. so wonderful and dreamlike and near perfection

but the entire day, i was missing Jay - and i knew that the day would have only been better had he been there. such grief amid a very happy day.

Lauren lost her mom this past winter, and i couldn't help but imagine Marilyn soaking it all in the entire day. watching the sparkle of lauren's dress in the sunlight, the twinkle in her eyes as she spoke to Gary

the smell of her flowers (her mom's favorite ones) or the way Marilyn's jewelery fell perfectly around Lauren's neck. the savory meal and the taste of the many desserts at the buffet as they would have rolled over her tongue. i imagined the way she would have watched Lauren and the way she would have walked together with her husband.

tears rolled down my cheeks as i listened to her Dad share words written by her mom a few years ago, and as he spoke with such love for their daughter, my dear friend!

he was, as Lauren put it, the perfect mother of the bride & an even better father of the bride

bitter-bitter-sweet.

some things just do not make sense to us - cancer being one of those things.

while being away this week, i have missed sitting beside my grandma's bed, chatting with her as the cancer is over taking her body, but not her spirit.

she has the same sparkle in her eyes, and the same sweet laughter.

the other day i sat by her bed and sang over her, and together we lifted our eyes and hearts heavenward. she nodded along as i sang

tis so sweet to trust in Jesus

just to take him at his word

just to rest upon his promise

and to know, "thus saith the Lord"

Jesus Jesus - how I trust him!

how I've proved him over & o'er

Jesus Jesus - precious Jesus

oh for grace to trust him more

Oh, how sweet to trust in Jesus

just to trust his cleansing blood

and in simple faith to plunge me

'neath the healing, cleansing flood

Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus,

just from sin and self to cease;

just from Jesus simply taking

Life & rest, and joy & peace

I'm so glad I learned to trust You.

Precious Jesus, Savior - friend.

and I know that You are with me

will be with me to the end

Jesus Jesus - how we trust you!

How we've proved you over & o'er

Jesus Jesus - precious Jesus

Oh for grace to trust You more...

trusting Jesus makes the bittersweet sweeter.

flips and spins. and holding on!

i am a big fan of rollercoasters

the faster the better

the more flips, the more fun!

i was having a conversation with my friends youngest son the other day

we were sitting in their van chatting

and he was telling me about how much he loves rollercoasters

he was quite impressed when i said that i love them too

and we both claimed to love them more than the other person ever could!

we decided that we would just have to ride some rollercoasters together in the future so that we could settle that conversation :)

the last couple of weeks have been a rollercoaster of another - less fun - variety

i feel like the summer has been a blur. between mom&dad's move, my work conference, weddings, traveling, working, heat wave... it's just been a big blur.

last week the rollercoaster took some more extreme heights and extreme lows.

grandma had another scare with her health, and i was preparing to say goodbye to her

on saturday i sat in the hospital basically all day, and i spent some time praying that Jesus would take her home.

but the rollercoaster has taken some more twists and turns as she has been improving. i am SO thankful for the amount of time i'm able to spend sitting with her, and i would not trade this for the world.

the rollercoaster continues to move as her cancer has spread.

i'm learning that Jesus wants to ride along with me, with us.

grandma has an exceptional way of rolling with life as it comes. i think she is ready to see Jesus.

to see grandpa, and omi. to hold Jay and play with him amongst the angels. to see her Dad who she last saw when she was 6.

ready, but also still ever present in loving being with us while she is.

trying to trust. with every twist & turn.

forever in my heart. always on my mind.

its been 2 years

my sweet little nephew, i wonder what you would be like

i imagine the smell of your skin

the sound of your voice

and your touch

you are on my mind everyday

i think of you whenever i see the wild daisies growing

i think of you whenever i look at your little brother.

he looks so much like you, but he is his own little man.

i think of you when i sing

when i drive

when i go for a walk

you have changed my life

you made me an auntie

losing you broke my heart

and it is slowly coming together

but you will forever hold a piece, and i will never be the same.

i love you so much

and so wish that i could know you.

happy birthday sweet little Jay.

i am spending Jay's birthday at the wedding of one of my dearest friends

i am able to sing in a choir that they are having, a gospel choir

a new experience for me, but i believe it is something God is using to remind me of how much he loves us, and how much he loves Jay

the words in the choir song are taken from the wedding scripture

i think that singing these words aloud on Jay's birthday is God's reminder to me that He is sovereign amidst the grief & despair

christ will deliver us

instead of ashes a crown of gladness

christ will restore us

instead of mourning the oil of joy

christ will renew us

not despair but a garment of praise

christ will rebuild us

and plant us as oaks of righteousness

i miss you so much.

ache

heavy heart

feeling half a world away

contemplating the co-existance

of faith

and grief

of trust

and robbery

of a perfect little boy

taken 2 years ago

and another sweet boy

taken today

heavy heart

tear stained pillows

stillness

ache

and then there were 3

i am so happy to be able to say i'm a proud 'auntie' to another sweet little man! i say "auntie" because it's not a blood relation, but the babe of our best friends, who i plan to love & spoil as much as possible!!

yesterday afternoon, sweet little joel david plett was born! he is ridiculously cute, and is a perfect sized little bundle.

they called us on saturday evening (11pm) to tell us that they were on their way to the hospital. i hardly slept at all because i was so excited. however, i woke up with a heart full of anxiety. it's 2 weeks away from the day we met & said goodbye to Jay. my heart is forever changed, and my outlook on life is too.. i tried to distract myself, but just felt useless. i went to the backyard to pray and journal and read my bible. the song "we fall down... we lay our crowns, at the feet of Jesus.." came on my ipod and i started to sob. i felt paralyzed by fear and anxiety. i have loved this little baby from the minute we were told matt & shauna were pregnant. i've been anticipating his arrival and praying for him often! i asked my sisters & mom's to pray. pray for my dear friend (going through days of labour!) and for my heart to be still. as i was praying i kept hearing over & over again.. that the "fuller" my heart is with Jesus.. the less room there is left over for anxiety. so i continued to pray all day.

and praise be to God.. at 2:12 pm... joel entered the world screaming/crying. amazing.

that evening i stood there, just looking at him & trying to soak him in as much as possible before I go to BC (SO GLAD he came before that!!!!) and thanking God that this couple that we love is now a family of 3.
we cry holy holy holy.. is the Lord