Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you

psalm 63:3 (NIV)

i love to sing
sounds like a simple statement, but really, truly, i LOVE to sing.
i love to sing in the car, in the shower, at my piano, with my guitar.
i love to sing at the lake when the boat is going so fast that it drowns out the sound of my voice.
i love to listen to my ipod & sing along as if everyone else can hear whats in my ears.
i love to sing on worship teams, in practices, early in the morning, later in the evening.
i love to sing in community, with people I know, and with people I don't know.
i love to sing with people who are so into the song that they don't even realize they're singing the wrong notes.
i love to sing when i'm all alone.
i love to sing in choirs, and duets & trios.
i just really, truly, love to sing.

this weekend i was at red rock bible camp with my mother-in-law & sister-in-law, as well as an aunt & two cousins (from the thiessen side), and we spent time singing together before each session.

i am a firm believer in really meaning what you are singing. Ok, sometimes I sing along to the songs on the radio, more for the fun than for the actual words caught in a bad romance.... for example! catchy song, but I'm not singing it for the words. What i was talking about though, is when it comes to worship

when i was on outtatown (formally called SOD) I had decided to go on a "singing fast", because I could think of nothing that was more valuable to me that I could "give up" for a time to really focus on Jesus. when you love something a lot, it can very easily become a source of pride, at least for me. I remember when I had started to sing again, and I struggled so much during one worship session. We were singing the song "Hungry" i'm falling on my knees.. offering all of me, Jesus you're ALL this heart is living for, and I wept and wept and wept. Because there was so many other things going on. so many distractions and meaningless things. Nothing "dramatic".. as i've never really been much of a rebel! but my heart could not sing those words, saying that all my heart was living for was Jesus. I so badly wanted to, but it wasn't honest. I loved him then (and love him now!) but he did not reign over all else in my heart.

since then, worship has become one of my main communication forms with Jesus. it is my passion to sing, so why wouldn't I use that as my main way to be passionate for Jesus? I've come to the decision that when I sing, I don't need to have it all together, but rather use the words as a re commitment, a plea to God to continue helping me make these words ring true for me.

this weekend our "theme song" was Amazing Love. i sort of groaned inside when I heard that because this song in my mind has been over played and over used. to the point that I don't think people realize the words anymore. they know how to sing it without once thinking about what they are saying (not all people, but i think that's what happens when the profound words become over used and almost "normal"). So I decided to really dwell on the words as we sang it
i'm forgiven BECAUSE you were forsaken
i'm accepted, you were condemned
i'm alive & well, YOUR spirit LIVES(!) within ME
because you died & rose again

AMAZING LOVE
how can it be?
that YOU my king would DIE for ME.
amazing love
I KNOW it's true
it's my JOY to honor you
in ALL I do, I honor you

YOU are MY KING
Jesus, you are my king.
amazing

i was struck by the lines "I know its true" "it's my JOY" & "You are my KING"
this weekend i had my eyes opened to a stumbling block that has been in my way for awhile, a block that has somehow multiplied itself so that it's more like a wall between me & my Jesus. but the wall does not need to remain! because i KNOW that God's love is true. and when I truly believe this.. I can see Jesus - and I literally picture him in his sandals & with his long hair (I really do wonder what Jesus actually looked like, since all I can picture are the Sunday School images!) picking up blocks and throwing them till them smash into pebbles. kicking down the wall & singing. destroying my wall, not in anger but in genuine affection. oh, believe me.. reveling in this love & this beloved destruction, oh, it is my joy!

you don't just walk away from strongholds after 1 decision, or one worship session. it would be foolish of me to believe that. but asking Jesus to help me smash these blocks, this is me asking him & proclaiming to him, that I want him to be my KING. & thanking him for the Joy that comes with honoring him as such.

amazing love. i know it's true. it's my joy to (try my best.. getting up every time i stumble) honor You, my King.

So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open,
drinking in your strength and glory.
In your generous love I am really living at last!
My lips brim praises like fountains.
I bless you every time I take a breath;
My arms wave like banners of praise to you
Psalm 63:2-4 (The Message)

a new type of blog

i've decided to start a second blog... which is funny since i rarely write in this one!

BUT the new blog isn't for writing.. it is strictly for posting pictures that i have taken and would like to share with whoever cares to take a look.

That new blog can be found at: http://photographybyashleymarie.blogspot.com/ it's really nothing fancy, but just something I love to do.

Writing and taking pictures, two wonderful ways of expressing creativity, perspective & thoughts! Hopefully I will start to write more soon.

that's it for now!

He hideth my life in the depths of His love, and covers me there with His hand

the morning is still
but the snow is dizzying
the mist is hovering over the ground

her heart is heavy & full
as tears fall from the eyes of those around her
her heart aches

she feels her way around in what seems like utter darkness
she calls out to Him asking him WHERE ARE YOU?
and she waits in the silence

she continues on
she re-learns to function, to move, to breathe, to smile
the same eyes from where the tears fell are now looking on her and watching
saying to each other "i can not even imagine..."

the mist is lifting
the light begins to penetrate the darkness
around her she sees grace falling like snow
falling like manna in perfect proportion to her need

walking through the showers of grace
is Him
the darkness is overtaken by the Light
her eyes have been opened
she's realizing that the darkness was
not the lack of Him
but it was Him
shielding her eyes from the storm.

Emmanuel.

I've got you covered..

when did the week fly by? I can't believe that tomorrow is Friday, and the last working day of January! i feel like the week flew by mostly because i wasn't working on Monday - the snow was so bad and blustery that I didn't dare get onto the roads. also the snow was piled so high behind my house that when i opened the back door snow poured into my house!

anyway, now it is thursday, and well, i'm not complaining :)

monday night was another bible study session. i had actually done all my "homework" so I felt prepared for the next DVD session. the study is based on and around the tabernacle, and we have been studying what happened from the time of genesis, when God first created man.. all the way to when God instructed the people to build a tabernacle so that he could dwell with them.

in genesis adam and eve lived in the most beautiful garden
filled with the smells of fresh grass, delicious fruits
i imagine rows of grapes, and pomegranates, fresh streams of sparkling clear.. delicious water
the smell after a spring rain where everything smells new and fresh.. i can just imagine them walking around trying to take it all in
the coolest part.. God walked around in the garden with them. he dwelled among them, walking and talking with them.
they were not God, nor were they on the same level as God.. but they were privileged and blessed to dwell with him.
adams job was to guard the garden.. something/someone as crafty as the "snake" should never have been allowed so close to such goodness. but the snake found eve.. and deceived her and adam both, and that was the start of shame & of sin.
suddenly adam and eve were ashamed, they were exposed. suddenly the fact that God walked among them wasn't viewed as a gift, but was viewed with shame and fear.

God still walked among them, but they hid. shame. fear. hiding. Satan started this awful cycle, that still continues very much in the world today, and in my own life. Everything that comes from God is GOOD. but shame, defeat, anxiety, fear.. these are "gifts" from the snake. The devil fills our minds with these things, and tell us TAKE COVER!, hide, don't let God see you how you truly are..

but in the garden, God continued to walk.. and he knew they were hiding in shame. he had created them, and had not covered them with clothes, because they had no reason for shame. God went and killed an animal, to use the skins to clothe adam and eve. the first sacrifice.. not because they needed to be covered, but because God has "got them covered", he continues to supply for their "needs"

how many times in my life do i feel the devils words TAKE COVER! and allow myself to dwell in shame and fear, when at the same time God is walking among us saying I've got you covered

since monday i've had this song in my head:
all of my life, i've been in hiding.. wishing there was someone just like you
now that you're here, now that i've found You
I know that you're the one to pull me through

deliver me.

heaven received another angel this week. a beautiful one, the mother of one of my dear dear friends. my heart has felt so heavy, as we prayed before, we pray again.. Jesus, come and pull them through. with no right answers, and such huge loss i just ask the spirit to pray through groans and tears. Jesus overwhelm the Koops with your love.

strew some scripture all over the place

strew–verb (used with object), strewed, strewn

1.	to let fall in separate pieces or particles over a surface; scatter or sprinkle: to strew seed in a garden bed.

2.	to cover or overspread (a surface, place, etc.) with something scattered or sprinkled: to strew a floor with sawdust.

3.	to be scattered or sprinkled over (a surface): Sawdust strewed the floor.

last night was the first monday night women's bible study at mcivor (for this current study. not the first one EVER at mcivor). they have had studies before, but I've never really felt like it was for me or like it was something high on my priority list.

this time i didn't really think much of it when i heard it was happening, but just one day realized that i had decided i would go! i asked phoebe if she would join me, and so last night.. there we were, side by side, getting ready to dive in.

i like beth moore, i like that she is funny and entertaining. but more than that.. i appreciate that she knows her stuff. she is continually cross referencing scripture, and backing up what she is saying. without being over my head.

the thing i really appreciated the most was her focus on God's pursuit of us. that God calls out to us "where are you?", not because he doesn't know where we are. but because he wants us to tell him where we are at, so that he can meet us there. he is continually pursuing us, no matter where we are. i appreciated this especially because i felt like maybe i shouldn't be there, because i haven't been very faithful in my relationship with Jesus especially lately. I struggled so much with faith after our family lost Jay, and my faith walk, disciplines etc never really recovered to their previous state. My faith in Jesus remains the same.. but my relationship with him at times feels labored. I joked with Phoebe last night that part of me felt like I should've prayed for a solid week straight, in order to be ready enough to do this study.
how refreshing that God doesn't work that way. he calls out to me and says "where are you?" even though he knows.. he wants me to tell him, and pursue him.. because he has not stopped pursuing me.

beth moore also shared a story about a woman that she had worked with that was driving home to see her family. a car drove into her lane and hit her.. killing her instantly. a friend of beth's called her to tell her about the accident scene. she said that this woman had had a stack of cards with scriptures on them in her car. when the accident happened these scriptures were strewn all over the road. when the police were cleaning up the accident site they had to go around and pick up those scriptures one by one.

what a privilege we have to be able to do that in our lives.. to strew scripture and Christ's love all over, all over the streets.. all over everyone we know, or don't know.

i feel like i started this study because God is and continues to pursue me, and it's time to start pursuing back again.