truth in each circumstance

Human pain does not let go of its grip at one point in time.
Rather, it works its way out of our consciousness over time.
There is a season of sadness. A season of anger.
A season of tranquility. A season of hope.
Robert Veninga

i thought a lot about hope today. we sang a song in church today called "hope of the nations"
and i thought a lot about the lyrics of the song. i find that at church i feel safe, and i feel surrounded by God and i feel like i become more aware of my emotions. maybe its because its so easy to get busy during the week. either way, i find that since Jay died i've cried every week at church and that it seems like there is one more thing i realize that i dont understand, and one more reminder of how and why God is still so good.

Jesus, hope of the nations
Jesus, comfort for all who mourn
You are the source of heavens hope on earth

Jesus, light in the darkness
Jesus, truth in each circumstance...

hope and truth, Jesus is still those things, even though I still don't understand.


today was also our one month anniversary of being married.
our home is feeling more and more like our own home... as we sit here, relaxing, drinking peppermint tea, I am thankful.

the leaves fall, the wind blows, and the farm country slowly changes from the summer cottons into its winter wools. -henry beston

In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don't try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.
Tao Te Ching

i love my family. both of my families actually.
this thanksgiving i had the privilege of going with my new inlaws to ontario (orillia) for chris and emilee's wedding. it was fun to be on a trip with our family as a married couple! altho it was a little warm in our room and there was a light shining in our window! sometimes i think i'm a really light sleeper...
the wedding was beautiful and afterwards we hung out at the hotel with the other thiessens, watching hockey and playing cards.

i'm number 96 in the thiessen clan, emilee was number 99. who will be 100??

then we came back on the sunday night, tracy picked us up and then it was off to the lake with us! we refueled at tim hortons and then had a nice drive up to the cabin. it felt like the first time since coming home from the honeymoon that we had time to just be together and talk about the future and all our plans! what a nice feeling to know that him and i are now a family unit and we can really plan our future because we are in this together forever!

everyone was sleeping when we got there, although mom let me wake her up. :)
the next morning was a later start, but then we had coffee and breakfast all together. one thing i love about my side of the family is that as adults we are complete, there won't be any other additions, brothers or sisters if that makes sense. the six of us are the family and that is what we can look forward to forever (plus nieces and nephews and children of our own one day!)

i feel like we just know how to work as a family, i couldn't have asked for a better wife for my brother, or a better fit between michael/dad/josh or me/mom/leah. i don't know how to explain it, but this thanksgiving i was struck by how much i love and cherish my family.

i really can't explain it except by saying that i am overwhelmed with thankfulness for our little family unit. how i pray everyday that God will show his faithfulness again to us by giving our family another baby... have faith expect miracles, something my mom has been reminding me.

it rained while we walked down the gravel road at the lake, just a little bit but no one seemed to mind. the colors were so beautiful, and the smell of fall was so fresh. i think God uses fall to express even more of his artistry... maybe thats why its my favorite time of year. i'm always reminded of God's presence, even at times when it feels easiest to doubt.

Jesus, thank you for my family.



When the bold branches
Bid farewell to rainbow leaves-
Welcome wool sweaters.

B. Cybrill

i'm a thiessen!

so... the past few weeks have been a blur

and now i'm home and i'm a married woman!

it's kinda funny to me how one day i was an engaged woman, then i threw a giant and fun party with michael and my family and friends and now i'm a wife... all it takes is a party!

well... no not really

i've been thinking more and more about how nice it is that michael and i have so many firsts now that we are married

our first home together, our first night together, our first meal in our new home, our own dishes... everything! all  the little things are exciting. today i cleaned lint and cat hair out of our dryers vent for an HOUR because it is now OURS and i want it be the best!... an hour for real. i guess thats what happens when you're home alone all afternoon.

the wedding was... wonderful. the day before was fun, but i defintely was overstressed as i left the church and things weren't done. AND i couldn't find our honeymoon documents. thankfully i have wonderful parents who stayed at the church, and then girlfriends who found my documents and then helped me pack.

then we packed into my parents corolla and had a hilarious drive home, discussing ellen's love life (my dad heard a name and ran with it!!)

taking pictures with patty was just so much fun, time literally flew by. then before i knew it we were at the church, I walked down the aisle and then walked out! my only regret about the ceremony was that when i started to get choked up in the middle of my vows i said "oh crap"... not overly lady like of me, but part of the moment i guess. and i don't think many people heard. oh well. 

the reception was just a wonderful party, i smiled more than i thought possible and then we were at the hotel beginning the honeymoon. the next day we slept for about 17 hours (seriously) and then i felt more normal!

the honeymoon was wonderful, fun and relaxing. no regrets at all.

now we're home and getting our home set up. OUR OWN HOME!! i just love it. we've already had some people over and i already know that having people over will be one of my favorite things. thanks to our parents we have beautiful new living room furniture. leah walked in and said "ashley! you're a grown up now!!!" funny and true! at least it feels like that

there wasn't really a point to this entry... other than that i remembered i have a blog now so, why not!

stay tuned for other adventures of this newly married woman.

to love like that.

i have been meaning to start blogging again...
not sure exactly what the point of blogging is for some people, but for me... i find that it causes me to really just write out what i'm thinking. maybe try to be a little more creative, or maybe just to find something in my day that i feel is worth sharing.

today, i can't get my mind off of love.
which may not come as a surprise for most people considering i'm getting married in six days!!
but tonight it's not romantic love that i'm thinking about.
i'm thinking about the kind of love where you actually feel like your heart is connected to another heart. that you feel like you can feel the joys and the pains of a heart that isn't your own.

wednesday is september 24th... which means jay would have been two months old. its strange, because in some ways it feels like that unimaginable day was so long ago... that my heart has aged by years because of the pain that it feels. but in other ways it feels like it could never be so fresh. i've never felt so much love for someone i barely knew... but jay made me an auntie for the first time... and no one can ever take that place no matter what.

tonight i felt like i could feel the pain in leah's heart just for a few moments, when i hugged her and cried, i don't even know how to explain it. leah is more than my sister, i just love her so much and know that there is nothing that anyone can do to fix her broken heart. and in some strange ways that is ok because "fixing" it wouldn't do anything really... a confusing thought.

i don't get it. i don't get why this happened. i don't think i ever will.

i think it will be hard on friday, walking through a day where a very integral family member is missing. God, i pray that you will be close. i pray that we will depend on you.

love.

i really love this website where you can read quotes. i don't really know how you get to be "quoted", because some of the quotes are really just normal things that most people would say but some guy gets credited for it... maybe i could get quoted saying "i love quotes" and it could make it onto the website. anyway, back to the thought on quotes: i was reading quotes on the website today and came across this one:

There is no remedy for love but to love more.
Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

not that i wanted a remedy for love, but its an interesting thought.

our scripture for the wedding is ephesians 5:1&2 from the message. it talks about how God loves, his love was not cautious but extravagant. LOVE LIKE THAT.

oh to love like that... its a hard thought when my heart feels broken today because of the love in my heart for jay and the fact that he will never get to experience it.

to love like that. without caution.

God i pray that you will close. that you will surround us with your extravagant love. God that tonight you will cover josh and leah and that they would feel your love like that. God, show me, despite the hurt and the uncertanties how to love extravagantly. still.

.... love like that.